


Ǝ⅃ꓭIƧЯƎVƎЯЯI

by Twele



Series: Changes [7]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Billy not dealing, Bunny Kisses, Explanations, Frottage, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Irreversible Change AU, M/M, Moving On, POV Billy Hargrove, Past Billy/Steve, Premature Ejaculation, Reunions, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twele/pseuds/Twele
Summary: The final instalment in the Changes Series.Billy has finally found that 'new normal' that he's been seeking for the past two years. He has a home. He has family. He has friends. Life isn't what he expected but it's not as bad as he had feared.But the small town of Hawkins always finds a way to make the 'normal' turn 'strange'...
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Original Male Character(s), Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: Changes [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676743
Comments: 153
Kudos: 99





	1. tuollaF

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mampysou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mampysou/gifts).



> Here it is: the final piece of the puzzle.  
> Not sure how many chapters are here but I swear it won't be another 69 like the first lot!! ^_^'''

\--- **21 st October 1987**\---

Wrapping Max’s scarf around his neck, Billy was filled with the deepest of regrets. The squealing and yapping currently happening around his shins was completely his fault; he really shouldn’t have mentioned the word ‘ _walk_ ’ until he was good and ready to actually go. Puppy was super hyped up and he only had himself to blame. He really did know better.

Almost stumbling over the frantic creature he reached out at the hooks by the door blindly, grabbing the first jacket he laid hands on and pulling it off the hook and into his eye-line for inspection. The fabric was familiar between his fingers. The members only jacket: _Steve’s_ members only jacket. Billy smiled and thumbed the material with a little tug in his chest. It didn’t hurt to look at it anymore; didn’t make him feel quite so fucked up to wear it anymore. Smile still on his face, he pulled the jacket on and let it hold him; felt the embrace that only that particular article could offer.

It didn’t hurt anymore. Not so much anyways.

It had been over two years since Steve had died; almost _three_ since he’d first laid eyes on the other boy at Tina’s Halloween party. Billy had stopped counting the exact number of days since June 8th 1985; even stopped counting the number of weeks. The first time he hadn’t been able to say it off the cuff with absolute certainty, he’d panicked and cried and generally made a fool of himself. Like it had been an obligation; like Steve would have wanted him to track that shit. Now he didn’t track it; didn’t keep the totals in his head. He knew it would take him only a couple of minutes to work it out; the difference between that date and today- and that was the security blanket he needed.

It didn’t hurt so much anymore. He was moving on.

He had Puppy. He had Dustin and El and Max and Hopper. He had Nancy and Jonathan, even if they were all the way in Chicago now. After the disaster of their attempted sleepover last month, he somehow still had Eric although that was still such a tentative thing. His _failure to rise_ , as Dustin called it, had kicked them back into a limbo of ‘just being friends’ but… Eric was still around. He was still there.

Over the past few years, Billy had built up a new normal that was working in its own strange way.

As he tugged on his boots, he batted Puppy away with a small chuckle. The little dog was practically _vibrating_ with excitement and Billy couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. Things were working. It didn’t hurt anymore. Not so much.

On his days off, he tended to take the dog on a longer walk than usual, heading all around the outskirts of town. She loved their long route and Billy had stopped feeling the need to take his switchblade with him months ago. Since the explosion at the lab, there had been no Upside Down activity whatsoever. The Remorhazes truly had just been remnants left behind after the gate had been closed.

There had been no need to make another Razor-Sledge. Things were calm and safe in Hawkins, Indiana.

As he walked, Billy smiled and breathed the fresh air in deep. It didn’t hurt anymore. His life was working. He paused when Puppy charged over and practically _threw_ the stick back at him; demanding more. Billy chuckled and picked it up, throwing it with all his strength and wincing when it simply hit a tree and bounced off. Puppy looked happy enough though, racing off after it full of enthusiasm and idiocy. Billy chuckled and snuggled into the jacket just that extra bit.

Yeah. Life was working. It barely hurt anymore.

When he got home, he hung up the jacket and kicked off his boots. His hand trailed over the grey material as he moved further into his apartment, a goodbye touch as you will. He headed into the kitchen and retrieved a carrot from the fridge, chucking it to Puppy who snatched it up and ran off to ‘bury’ it somewhere in the apartment.

The world went black just as Billy started to head to the kettle and he rolled his eyes.

“Decent?” came the usual question and Billy rolled his eyes a second time, turning in place until he spotted which direction El was coming from. She was far off but not so much that he couldn’t see how her hand was covering her eyes. 

“Always decent!” he replied with a smile and she lowered her hand. Giving him small nod, she rushed over to stand in front of him, a serious look on her face.

“August 7th,” El said pointedly as Billy reached out to ruffle her curls.

“You’ve walked in on me in the shower _once_ , El! Don’t go acting like I’m always naked or some shit!” Billy laughed as she shoved his hand off her.

“Saw too much,” she said simply with a shake of her head. In person, she spoke more normally now. Two and a half years had really seen her come along with her speech. But here, in the void, she always seemed to revert to her clipped phrasing. Billy wasn’t fussed. He was used to it now and it usually made shit easier.

“Good to see you, Little Sister,” he smiled and she grinned right back at him.

“You too, Big Brother,” she breathed, stepping closer to give him a quick squeeze.

They chatted shit for a little because, hell, this was how they caught up. Normal people picked up the phone. Normal people went to each other’s houses. He and El met in the void. After moving into his apartment, El had gotten him his own walkie so that, should _he_ want to start some void time, he could just buzz to request it. She, however, just came and went as she pleased.

It was a miracle she hadn’t seen him naked more than just that once.

“Strange…” El said shortly and, for a moment, Billy thought she was agreeing with his thoughts.

“The walkie works both ways, you know,” Billy drawled. “You could check in before coming over.”

“Not that,” El said and a small frown crossed her brows. Billy watched as she tilted her head to one side, like she was listening to something that he couldn’t hear.

“El-” he started but she held up a hand, eyes closing like that could help her hear better.

Billy listened too but there was nothing. The void was just a black nothingness as it always was. He shifted between his feet and the small splashes of that dark water was all he could hear. The fuck was she doing?

After a couple more moments, El’s eyes opened and a small, mischievous smile crept onto her lips.

“Looking,” she said and suddenly Billy was back in his apartment and the void was totally gone.

“The fuck…?” he breathed, looking around like she was suddenly going to come back. But no. A minute passed, then two and still she was gone.

Sighing as he tried to shrug it off, Billy reached out for the kettle again. As he made himself a coffee, he tried to keep the image of that smile of hers in his head. If there had been some Upside Down shit that had pulled her away, there wouldn’t have been a smile. She would have had that _serious_ look of hers.

Everything was fine. Everything was calm and safe in Hawkins, Indiana. The Gate was closed and nothing was trapped on this side anymore.

Gulping down the scalding liquid faster than he probably should, Billy moved back into his bedroom to change into some sweats. He knew everything was fine -that there was nothing to fucking worry about- but there was still a ball of anxiety forming in his chest that just needed shifting. He pulled a Metallica record out of the box Max had made him and put it on. Puppy shadowed him as he moved over to his weights and loaded up his usual starting amount. She liked to sit nearby whenever he worked out; like she was spotting him or something.

Making sure the tiny animal was _not_ under his feet, Billy started to his reps. He closed his eyes and let the guitars, the drums and Hetfield’s voice power him through; transport his mind away from thoughts of the Upside Down; away from memories of monstrous screams and claws and teeth; away from thoughts of Steve.

He was okay. It didn’t hurt anymore. Things were working.

Billy practically leapt in the air when the phone rang; almost dropped the bar that he’d added a couple of weights to by now. Heart pounding, he set the bar carefully down and pulled the needle up off the record before he made his way over to the phone. It rang and rang; whoever was on the other end of the line _needed_ him. Whoever it was; they weren’t going away.

Pushing down the worry, Billy picked up the receiver.

“Billy!” Dustin’s voice always loud down a phone. It was loud in person but, on the phone, it quite often would stray into the realms of _too_ _loud_. Billy would be annoyed if he wasn’t so relieved. The bubbly fucking excitement he could hear in the other boy’s voice could _never_ be attached to anything to do with the Upside Down.

Like El’s parting smile, he had to hold on to that idea. Everything was fine. Everyone was safe. The Gate was closed.

“Dustin,” he panted, trying to sound normal and not like he had just been staving off the freak-out of the century.

“Are you in?” the question was so sudden Billy wasn't sure what to do with it.

“Huh?” he blurted dumbly and heard the other boy sighing down the line.

“Are you in right now?” Dustin repeated, sounding like a put-upon mother.

“No. I’m out,” Billy drawled, a little irritated.

“You are?”

“Yeah. You’re talking through telepathy. Bet you thought only El could do that shit!”

“Oh- Dude! I mean do you have work, like, any time soon?” Dustin pressed and Billy groaned.

“Dustin, as much as it _pains_ me to say it: You _do_ know my rota. I’m not working today because I don’t work Wednesdays. I haven’t worked Wednesdays since Larry hired me last fucking year,” Billy snapped but already he knew what was fucking coming....

“Oh really? August 5th-” goddamn, were these kids _ever_ going to forget the exceptions to his general rules? First El with her August 7th shower interruptions and now Dustin with this shit. Goddamn, that had been a bad week for setting precedents.

“If you bring up me going in for that _one_ fucking delivery one more time, man-” Billy growled. The little dweeb was lucky he was so fucking fond of him, honestly.

“Okay, okay! Jeez!” Dustin hissed dramatically. “Testy today, aren’t you?”

“I’m always fucking testy,” Billy replied with a smirk.

“Nah, you’re lovely!!”

“Dustin-!”

“Yes?”

“What do you want?”

“I’m just calling to see if you’re in, is all,” the younger boy replied, sounding shifty as fuck.

On Dustin Henderson, that was never a good sign. Combining it with the little smile on El’s face -that one word excuse of ‘looking’ before she’d left- Billy felt certain that they had some shit brewing. Again, it was never a good thing. He adored both of them but, when the forces of Dustin Henderson and El Jane Hopper combined, there was always embarrassment and ridiculousness heading his way. Always.

“Yes, Dustin, I’m in,” Billy said hesitantly.

“Is Eric there?” Dusting asked and now _that_ was weird.

“No. It’s still... I haven’t seen him this week. Might call him at the weekend,” Billy replied honestly. Was this to do with Eric? Was Eric heading over? Billy wasn’t certain of the other man’s schedule but, really, he didn’t think that he could afford to be heading all the way to Hawkins in the middle of the day in the middle of the _week_. Especially seeing as how they… were in a really weird limbo place right now.

It would be very ‘strange’. Just like El had said…

“Good,” Dustin sighed and Billy tilted his head. Was the younger boy trying to _stop_ something? Maybe Eric was coming over for a _bad_ reason? But then… why would _Dustin_ be the one warning him? Surely Nancy or Jonathan would be the ones calling about that?

“I thought you guys got on? Didn’t you lend him your stupid Muppet movie?” Billy probed, careful not to let on about his suspicions. If Dustin was planning something, it was best not to show his hand until it was ready.

“While I applaud you knowing that the Dark Crystal is a Jim Henson production, calling it a Muppet movie is-” the younger boy started and Billy rolled his eyes. He really hadn’t meant to start _this_ off.

“Yeah, yeah, they’re all just creepy puppets to me. Didn’t you lend him that?” he snipped, stretching out his leg to hook his foot around the leg of one of Joyce’s chairs and pull it over to sit on. Puppy scampered over and curled up by his feet, black eyes looking up at him like she was checking he was okay.

“Yeah. I _do_ like Eric. He’s a great guy and all that. I just… I wanted to know if you’re _alone_ ,” Dustin stammered and Billy leaned down to scratch behind the little dog’s ears. This only added more questions.

“Well, yeah, I’m alone,” Billy replied shortly. “Is this your annoying way of asking to hang out?”

“Umm… Not exactly,” Dustin replied and, fuck, there he was being all shifty again. He really was plotting something and Billy really had a bad feeling about it. Maybe he _was_ conspiring with Eric… He really wasn’t sure he had the energy for that level of awkwardness today.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Billy snapped, straightening up and resting his palm on his knee.

“I mean… Just… Don’t go out, yeah? No popping out to walk Puppy or anything!” Dusting gabled and that building dread wasn’t eased by that.

“Dustin…”

“It’s a good thing, alright?” the younger boy hushed but Billy really didn’t know about that.

“We did my birthday already, remember? I swear if you’ve ordered me a clown-o-gram or any of that shit, I’m gunna hit the guy that turns up,” he warned and there was a sound of choked laughter on the other end of the phone.

“Please don’t do that…” Dustin laughed.

“Dustin…”

“Okay, okay! I’m gunna go-! I’ll talk to you later, man!” the younger boy said quickly, clearly hiding something _big_.

“Dustin-!” Billy tried but he could already tell that Dustin was holding the phone away from his face; ready to put it down.

“Don’t go hitting anyone!” was the last thing he heard before the line went dead.

Billy stood dumbstruck holding the receiver as the dial tone blared away into his ear. Dustin wasn’t a normal kid by any stretch of the imagination but this was strange even for him. Thoughts of just _what_ the other boy had planned for him whirled around in his mind and he frowned at all the possibilities. If he’d dragged Eric into something stupid…

But El had been so sketchy too. It was definitely like they were in on it together. 

Larry had really been riding Billy’s ass the day before and, honestly, he didn’t think he’d have the energy for whatever the little shrimps had planned. Slamming the receiver down a little harder than necessary he looked down at Puppy who tilted her head like she’d done something wrong.

He gave her an apologetic look that, yeah, she probably didn’t understand and pushed the chair back under Joyce’s table. He looked back over at his weights but the will had left him. Sighing he headed into his bedroom and quickly stripped off to rinse away any grime from his workout. Last thing he needed when Dustin’s surprise turning up when he was a fucking sweaty mess. Dustin was hardly subtle about shit like that.

Within ten minutes, he was freshened up and dressed in a black vest and good jeans, just in case. His hair was tucked up into a messy bun which actually didn’t look half bad. He hated that he felt the need to make himself look presentable but, honestly, he was fucking powerless when Dustin Henderson decided he was doing something like this. He drew the line at putting socks and shoes back on though; that seemed to be asking for trouble. Like he wanted Dustin to take him out on some misguided adventure or something.

As he checked himself out in the mirror, Puppy looked at him from the bed, head tilted to the side in confusion. 

“Distraction time, I think,” Billy said more to himself than to the dog but still she followed him as he crossed the room to drop himself down on the couch. Without waiting for instruction, the little fluffball leapt up beside him and proceeded to snuggle right up under his legs. “Fucking dog…” Billy breathed fondly as he adjusted into a better position for her and picked up his Stephen King from the little table Max had made him in shop. She really was getting good at shit like that.

It wasn’t long before he heard a knock on the door and he rolled his eyes as Puppy leapt up barking away. It was lighter than Dustin’s usual, like he was carrying some shit or somehow otherwise unable to use his usual shitty code. All the same, Billy knew it must be him. After _that_ phone call, there was no doubt. The only other person it could have been was Eric and, in a weird way, Billy _knew_ his knock well enough to know it wasn’t him. 

“Puppy, knock it off!” Billy hushed, putting the book back down and heaving himself off the couch. “It’s just Dustin…” he continued as if he needed to explain this to an animal. She gave a couple more yaps but, seeming happy that Billy had this one, moved back away from the door for him to answer it. “I should warn you…” Billy started loud enough for the younger boy to hear through the door. His hands came up to undo the chain and reach for the handle. “… I’m really not in the mood for…”

As the door opened Billy felt the words dripping out of his mouth with less purpose; becoming more like the run-off from a broken tap.

“…your…” he continued.

Eyes cast downwards from interacting with the door, Billy could instantly tell, from the legs alone, that it wasn’t Dustin at the door. Too long, too slim. Trailing upwards, the physique wasn’t Eric’s; neither was the stance. It was too slender; too… _perfect._

Wide, impatient blue eyes shot upwards to meet familiar, beautiful brown ones. That same _perfect_ shade of brown that had swirled into his dreams every night for two and a half years. That _perfect_ shade of brown that instantly made his heart swell up in his chest. Breath hitching, Billy stared.

“… _bullshit_ …” he heard himself finish, breathless and stupid as he took him in.

 _Steve_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be mad at me!!  
> ^_^'''


	2. trenI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is okay!!  
> Sorry this is so long after the last one but I've been at work most days this week and it's been a lot! ^_^''  
> Have taken up knitting to channel the anxiety. Sorry that slows my writing down!

“Steve?” Billy breathed as he looked at the other boy -the other _man_ \- before him. His skin was a little paler than Billy remembered and intricately-delicate silver lines patterned over his cheeks down his neck but it was him. There was no mistaking him. Those eyes, those lips… Steve Harrington was here: alive and standing at Billy’s door.

That blurry, forgotten image was standing here in the flesh; clear and remembered and real.

“Hello Billy,” the brunette said softly and - _oh god_ \- it was _his_ voice. Billy had almost forgotten what it sounded like outside of the two and a half words that existed only on recording he’d left on Steve’s Mix; the recording Billy hadn’t listened to in so long because it had stopped hurting so much. It hadn’t been hurting; Billy had been doing so much better.

Now here Steve was; standing in front of him. Older and scarred -changed in more than just a simple look could place- but here.

 _How_?

No. This wasn’t real. Steve was dead. Billy had _watched_ him die. He’d been there, up front and centre, when Hopper’s gun had fired; when the thing that had taken over Steve’s body had slumped forwards dead.

He’d seen it. He’d _known_ it.

The old familiar panic weaved its clawed hand around his hammering heart. It squeezed hard as Billy remembered how he’d watched Steve die; how he’d watched him be torn apart. Breath coming short, Billy watched as the other man’s face shifted. A line of worry appeared between his brows and -fuck- it was such a familiar expression. Steve always did worry about him.

 _Before he died_.

Before he died in front of Billy.

He _couldn’t_ be here. He had _died_.

For nearly two and a half years Billy had _known_ that Steve was dead; they all had. Sure, he’d had dreams where he wasn’t -where the two of them were entwined together in some silken bed or simply living their best fucking lives in San Francisco- but that’s all they were: dreams. This couldn’t be real. Steve _couldn’t_ be here.

And a new panic swept through him, harsher than before. There was only one real reason he’d be seeing the man that stood in front of him right now: he had gone mad. After all his struggling and trying over the past two and a half years, he’d finally lost it.

Steve couldn’t be here. He was dead. Billy had just gone fucking mad.

Whole body starting to shake, Billy slammed the door closed.

He tried to kid himself that he didn’t see the look of pain on the brunette’s face when it happened. Tried to pretend that he didn’t hear the little gasp of surprise -of _hurt_ \- that the other man let out.

He stepped back away from the door but the panicked feeling wouldn’t let up. His breathing was ragged as he stumbled over towards the phone. Sensing his distress, Puppy was at his heels to the point where he almost tripped over her, eliciting a sharp yelp from the small animal when his foot landed on hers. But he couldn’t focus on that.

_Dustin._

Dustin had called him. He’d been fucking cryptic but he’d been setting something up. He knew about this; he knew what was going on.

“Billy?” _that voice_ called out from behind the closed door. It was barely loud enough to hear over his breaths but - _fuck_ \- it was there as clear as day. _Steve’s_ voice. _Steve_ was calling out to him.

No! He couldn’t be here! It was just Billy’s mind unravelling. Fuck. After all this time, he had finally broken for real.

Billy yanked the receiver off the wall and dialled Dustin’s number. Between the slight feeling of light-headedness from his breathing to the shaking of his hands, it was hard fucking going but finally he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Henderson residence, you’ve got Dustin?” came the chirpy voice on the other end of the line and it all hit Billy too hard. With a gasp of pain, he sank down the wall and brought his knees up to his chest. “Billy?” Dustin asked, his voice high and concerned. “You okay?”

“He’s… Dustin, I-” Billy gasped, unable to put into words what the fuck was going on. He looked over to the door but there were no further noises from that direction; no further indication that there was a person -real or imagined- waiting on the other side.

“Billy- Okay, you’re- Shit! This isn’t how I thought you’d react…” Dustin stammered but Billy closed his eyes and knocked his head back against the wall. Goddamn, he really was going mad. Nothing made sense. How could Dustin know about this? What the hell was happening?

“Dustin, I’ve lost it!” he whimpered pathetically and there was a small noise on the other end of the phone. A hushed curse and lots of movement.

“Where is he?” the younger boy asked after a few moments of this. Billy shook his head, pushing Puppy back away from him as she tried to climb to get at his face. The little dog powered through, however, ducking under his hand and clambering up into his lap to lick at his cheeks.

There were tears streaming down from his scrunched-up eyes and, fuck, it was the first time in a while he’d felt quite so fucking out of control. His whole body was shaking; vibrating between trying to hold onto control and just completely letting go.

“Billy! Is he still there?” Dustin snapped when he didn’t get an answer and Billy shook his head.

“He’s dead! Dustin, this can’t- He isn’t- I don’t know…” he wheezed but Dustin was suddenly hushing him down the phone. Soft, soothing noises that did nothing to calm him.

“Okay, stay there! Don’t move! Okay? I’m coming over! Just stay there!” Dustin instructed and the line went dead. Hands curling up into tight fists, Billy simply let go of the receiver, letting it swing out to hang off the wall.

He’d been doing okay. It had been a good day. It hadn’t been hurting.

Why the fuck was he losing his mind today? What the fuck could have triggered this? Why the fuck was he seeing Steve _now_ when he’d been so much worse two years ago. Hell, two years ago, he might have actually been happy to have hallucinated the other boy. He would have happily gone crazy if it had meant seeing him again.

But now…

He’s been doing so much better. Life had been fucking working for him, goddamn it. Muscles tensed up, Billy held Puppy close to him, letting her lick away at the salty tear tracks that ran down his face.

He stayed in that position for a long while. Long enough that, with Puppy still clutched close to him, he was somehow able to get his breathing back under control. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the dog’s breathing; that slow inhale _in_ and the gentle exhale _out_. As if she could tell this was what he was doing, Puppy stilled; letting Billy do what he needed to do. For all her usually hyperactivity and the occasional destroyed item when Billy was at work, she was a fucking amazing dog.

Billy nuzzled in to the fluff of her neck, breathing her comforting scent in. Even if he _was_ going mad, he still had her. He still had Dustin and El and everyone else. They’d find a solution. They’d fix it together. They’d rebuilt him once, they could do it again.

The door wasn’t locked but Billy heard Dustin trying the keys all the same. Looking up from his spot on the floor, he saw the other boy opening the door, breath coming short without a jacket. Little shit must have run right over.

Puppy broke free and raced over to him, yapping happily and circling his feet.

“Shit…” the younger boy cursed, ignoring the dog and rushing over to kneel in front of him.

But, once again, Billy’s eyes fixed on the other figure on the threshold. The beautiful phantom who, now, was standing with his arms wrapped around himself. There was a look of unease to the other man; like he was about to bolt at any moment. An anxiety that thrummed out of him in waves. A sadness that could be seen a mile away.

Why would he imagine Steve like _that_? Why would he picture the man he loved looking so hurt and confused? If this was madness, surely it should be sweeter. Surely, it should be more like a fantasy where Steve was a glowing angel, here to make love to him and make everything alright?

Or else, should it be _more_ upsetting? Like those dreams that, even now, still crept up on him in the dead of night. Shouldn’t he be bleeding and screaming and blaming Billy for everything that happened?

If this was just a vision created by his mind, shouldn’t it be more _extreme_?

Or was that the art of going mad? This subtle level of melancholy was just real enough to be believed; real enough that he could convince himself Steve _was_ back. After all, people are very rarely _aware_ that they’re going mad. This apparition was just normal enough that Billy could be forgiven in falling for it. He could very well not realise that it was _impossible._

He could very well not realise that what happened to Steve Harrington two years ago couldn’t just be undone. That he had _died_ and there was no bringing him back. That the people who die don’t just come back to your door.

“Billy,” Dustin said resting a gentle hand on Billy’s knee and the older man finally tore his eyes away from the ghost in the doorway.

“He’s not real…” he breathed shakily, more to himself than to the curly-haired boy in front of him. “He-”

“Billy, I know it seems crazy but he _is_ real. This _is_ Steve,” Dustin cut across gently, looking back in the brunette’s direction. Billy watched this; watched as the younger boy nodded at Steve and the as Steve took a few steps into the room.

“It’s me, Billy,” Steve said and Billy closed his eyes. It was so real. This was so real. “I’ve been-”

“Steve!” Max’s voice was so sudden and so loud that all everyone in the room jolted upright.

In an instant, the redhead was crashing against Steve who had only just had time enough to turn and face her before being caught up in her embrace. Billy watched as she held him tight and his arms slowly wrapped around her too.

“You’re alive!” she cried out and they could all hear the tears in her voice. “Steve, you’re alive!”

“Holy shit!”

“You really are-”

“Steve!” the squeaky voices come from the doorway and Billy looked up to see the rest of the nerd squad there too.

Suddenly they were all on Steve, all talking at once with laughter and smiles and clapping each other on the backs. The brunette seemed to be relaxing into it all; allowing himself to be swept up in the force of the younger teens’ joy. Soon enough he was laughing and ruffling Will’s hair and putting his arms around them.

It was a real reunion; like this wasn’t just some deluded fantasy in Billy’s head. Like Steve was really here and Billy was a fucking fool for thinking otherwise. Only Dustin stayed where he was, hand anchored on Billy’s knee even as he watched his friends laughing together. 

“He’s real, Billy,” the younger boy finally said as the noise continued, turning back to look Billy in the eye. “He’s really here,” he said again and Billy bit his lip.

Could he let himself believe it? Everyone was here now; they were all talking to him, laughing with him, touching him. _Could_ he really let himself believe it? It seemed so impossible and yet here they were. Could he really dream up all of these different reactions? Could his mind really make up the tears in Max’s eyes, the blush on Will’s face? Could it really build a picture so clear that he could compare Mike and Lucas’ heights to Steve’s; to measure them up and see that they had almost overtaken him in the past two years?

If he was imagining this, then he must be some kind of goddamn savant of going loony.

“What are you two doing down there?” Max finally yelled over at them and Billy gave his head a smart shake. Without another wasted moment, he pushed up off the floor and wiped whatever moisture was still on his cheeks.

“What are all of you dorks doing here?” he shot back, his voice only just shy of its usual tone; only just showing the lingering doubt in the back of his mind. Dustin stood up and looked at Billy apologetically.

“I figured the others would want to know too,” he explained with a laugh, looking back at Steve who had finally been released. “Although, I _specifically_ told them _not_ to come here until later!” he added and Billy sighed.

“Yeah- No! You don’t just _wait until later_ when someone comes back from the dead, Dustin!” Lucas snarked, breaking away from the group to sass the other boy.

“So you just barge your way in here? You’re interrupting-“ Dustin started, stepping towards Lucas in the stupid faux-aggressive, confrontational way that they tended to do nowadays. Lucas straightened up to tower over the other boy, hands on his hips. But Mike was also joining in.

“No, no, no! No one gets dibs on seeing Steve first!” he started. “We all missed him! We should all get to welcome him back!”

Dustin really should have known better. There was no stopping any of these nerds once they’d got something in their heads; just as there was no stopping him. Watching them all now, everything was starting to seem more and more normal; more and more expected. The ‘kids’ were bickering and everything was settling back into place.

Could this _really_ be real?

He chanced a glance in the other man’s direction and, once again, their eyes locked. Steve had been looking at him. Goddamn, his heart was pounding again. If this wasn’t the real deal, it sure as hell felt like it. Outside of his own fucking panic about his sanity, seeing Steve again -being so close to him- was something else.

“Well, we’re here now so…” Max said in a way that spoke volumes. Looking over at her, Billy could see that she’d clocked them looking at one another. Once again, too subtle a detail for him to simple imagine up, right? “Steve. I think we all need to hear how you came back from the dead!” she continued, offering Billy the smallest of smiles.

The little shit.

In minutes, all the little shits had raised their cry of support and moved Steve with them further into the apartment. They were quick to pull the various seats and cushions into position so that the lounge area was all set up for one big hangout session and Billy could do nothing except watch as they made short work of it.

When they finally all came to rest, Max and Lucas were cuddled up together with Puppy on the mountain of cushions from Billy’s bed that Max _always_ ended up helping herself to when the nerds descended. Dustin took up his usual spot in the Lazy Boy that Ted Wheeler had, for some reason, gifted Billy when he’d invested in a better one while Mike and Will took the chairs from Joyce’s set. They positioned them so that they closed the circle between the couch, the old Lazy Boy and the cushion pile.

Billy had only moved to close the front door, opting to stay there so as to not get underfoot. In all honesty, he was just feeling fucking overwhelmed and it was all he could do right now to stay upright. 

“Alright…” Steve sighed, eyes nervously shooting towards Billy for a brief moment as he sat himself down on the couch. It was surreal to see him sitting there, surrounded by the nerds. It was so much like they’d gone back in time. “I guess… I guess it’s important you guys know that I didn’t actually die-” the older man tried to start but, just like back then, he was swiftly interrupted. 

“But Hopper shot you!” Dustin argued causing a groan from the more vocal three of the nerds present.

“Don’t interrupt him, Dustin!” Max scolded and Lucas was narrowing his eyes accusingly.

“Yeah! Surely you heard this already before Steve came here?” he sneered and, goddamn, it was just so petty and _normal_. They were all taking this in their stride.

Why the hell was Billy the only one to freak the fuck out?

“Okay- _Firstly_ , I wasn’t wasting his time asking questions. I was being a good, _selfless_ friend and sending-” Dustin was yammering on but Max was already shaking her head; the short red curls bobbing as she moved.

“Shut it, Dustin! I wanna hear this!” she snapped and Dustin had a look of over-exaggerated horror.

“Jeez, Max! You don’t need to be so-”

“Guys!” Steve suddenly spoke up and - _fuck_ \- he sounded just like he did back then; just like when he had to deal with the little brats on the daily. It was that ridiculous cocktail of _way too pissed off_ and _way too fucking fond_ that just epitomised his relationship with the kids.

Just as they always did, they all fell silent and looked in his direction.

“The important thing is that I _wasn’t_ dead. No one brought me back to life,” Steve continued and Billy watched, intruigued, as he started to run his hands through his hair. “Hopper’s shot just grazed my skull. Apparently it was enough to knock me out…” Steve continued, leaning forwards and parting his hair for the kids to look.

Even from where he was sitting, Billy could see the long patch of scarred skin that had been so perfectly concealed up until that moment. It was pretty far back on the top of his head and it didn’t take much to imagine a bullet skimming over his head and leaving that in its wake.

Holy shit. No wonder he’d thought he was dead. Even an inch lower and the bullet would have gone straight into his skull.

“Gnarly…” Mike cooed and Steve straightened back up, running his hand through his hair a couple more times to push it back into place.

“Yeah…” he replied softly and Billy was not into the tinge of sadness to his voice. “Thing is, I wasn’t out for all that long. I couldn’t have been because, when Owens’ team came, I was outside the building,” he carried on, explaining his story as clearly as he could even though there clearly were gaps.

He wasn’t out for long. If Billy had stayed- If he hadn’t let Dustin take him away-

“And that’s how you didn’t get blown up!” Dustin helped loudly, his voice enough to keep Billy from descending too far into his mind.

Fuck… everything was rising back to the surface right now. He didn’t have to sink too deep to get caught up in it. Billy leaned back against the wooden door to his apartment and took a few steadying breaths.

He was fine. This was fine.

“Yeah, _I didn’t get blown up_ , Dustin,” Steve replied with a fond roll of his eyes. “Owens had all the infected people gathered up and taken to this centre… Apparently there were six civilians and eight of Owens’ operative, soldier guys all together. They could tell the soldier guys from their dog tags but they didn’t know who the regular people were,” he explained.

“ _Six_ civilians? Where did they come from?” Will asked in a quiet, frightened voice.

“Did Hopper know about this?” Mike snapped, turning to face Billy with a slightly accusing look on his face. Eyes widenening, Billy folded his arms over his chest.

“Why are you looking at me?” he snipped and the younger boy rolled his eyes.

“Because he’s basically your dad now,” Mike replied and Billy rolled his eyes in much the same way he had just done. He wasn’t about to have this argument again. Not now. Not in front of Steve. It was nothing new, the nerds referring to Hopper as his dad. Usually it was done as a fun, joking kind of thing.

Besides, it wasn’t like Billy _didn’t_ prefer Hopper to the alternative.

“You really think he’d have kept that shit to himself?” he snapped, ready to defend Hopper even if he wasn’t gunna object to the other shit.

“It’s not like he hasn’t kept stuff like that from us before-” Lucas tried to chime in but Billy was having none of it.

“No. Hop’s wouldn’t have hidden something like that,” he snapped, _knowing_ it to be true. Hopper had been cut up about Steve’s death; he’d blamed himself at least to come degree. There was no way…

“I don’t think he knew. If he did, surely they would have known who I was sooner?” Steve chimed in and Billy looked back over to him. He was pushing his hair back in that way he always did when he was uncomfortable. It was just so…

Steve was still so…

“I guess…” Lucas breathed his agreement but Max still had questions.

“Why didn’t you tell them who you were?” she asked and Steve bit his lip.

“Well… I wasn’t exactly _myself_ …” he stammered and his hand was right back in his hair again. Billy wanted nothing more than to go over and hold him; make everything better.

But god… Would Steve want that?

“He attacked Billy, remember?” Dustin burst out, gesturing over at him. Billy felt the light grip that he’s had on his forearms tighten a little at this. As if that could do a damn thing to cover the scars that were _definitely_ on show while he was wearing a vest. “He was possessed!” Dustin carried on and Billy watched as Steve’s eyes slipped over to him, trailing down to his arms; to those very scars he wanted to cover up.

How much did Steve remember from that point? Did he remember kneeling over him? Did he remember those vicious strikes and Billy just _giving up_ beneath him?

“I’m not sure it’s quite that simple…” Steve sighed and, with a small shake of his head, he was back to looking at the others. “Dr Carmen -she’s the main doctor that took care of me- said that Remorhazes used their tails as a kind of… last resort escape plan? Like, when they were going to die, they’d, like, _transfer_ themselves into a new host?” he tried and the way he spoke made it clear how confusing it all must have been. Billy could picture Steve sitting in a room while a doctor with a tight bun threw loads of scientific language at him; overwhelmed and all alone. “Or something like that…” Steve ended and, again, Billy wanted to hold him tight.

“ _Transfer_ themselves…?” Will breathed, sounding perfectly horrified.

“With the tails!” Dustin exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing ever now that it had been explained to them.

“Yeah. They used the spear on the end like a needle and just-” Steve carried on but his voice was trailing off. It sounded like it hurt to describe it; like he couldn’t bear to think about it again. The look on his face matched and Billy held himself still all the more. 

“-injected an Upside Down monster _inside_ of you?” Dustin offered gently.

“Oh God…” Will whimpered and even from his position behind the other boy, Billy could see him tensing up.

This must all have been hitting close to home for the kid. Now that there was more distance between them and the shit from the Upside Down, Billy was a lot more familiar with the events that happened before he’d joined in. This explanation from Steve sounded so much like what had happened to Will.

“Yeah…” Steve said and they shared a look. There was a beat of silence where everyone just absorbed this new information. It was horrible to think that _that_ was what had happened to Steve.

Billy could see it so clearly in his mind’s eyes. He could see Steve, standing in an odd position, higher off the ground than should have been possible. His brain had been in panic mode os he hadn’t really understood that the other boy was being held up by the spear; that the spear was _transferring_ some of the Remorhaz inside him.

He’d been too slow. If he’d pulled him down sooner…

“So… I guess I wasn’t exactly in a position to tell them my social security number or anything when they first got me,” Steve finished with a shrug.

“No shit…” Mike said softly and there was another silence. The tone certainly had gone from all laughter and joy to this tense feeling. Like everyone’s insides were flipping over and over; like no one could just relax and breathe.

The feeling that only the Upside Down could bring.

“How are you not-?” Dustin started and stopped, a frown on his face. He gestured to Steve and then, when his meaning still wasn’t clear, pressed on. “You were- In the lab, you were-”

“-all gross and fucked up?” Steve said and it sounded so much like back when he used to doubt himself. It was that same tone that Billy only now remembered upon hearing again. _I was a shitty boyfriend. I was a shitty person..._ Billy could hear it again even after all this time. “Yeah… Would you believe that they had a _scale_ for how badly someone was transformed? T-0 being like Billy that first night when the Remorhaz’s spear got him in the shoulder; completely unchanged,” and he was looking over at Billy again. Instinctively, Billy rolled the shoulder in question. The scar from Steve’s burn was still there; a reminder of the night that started it all. “And T-6 being something that you’d barely recognise as a human…”

“What were you?” Billy asked without thinking. How far had Steve gone? How badly had he let him down?

The other boy closed his eyes for a second.

“A T-3. Anything higher was a lost cause, apparently. Carmen said that getting shot probably slowed down the process. I dunno…” he finished, opening his eyes again and locking with Billy’s.

God. Those rich, brown pools were as perfect as he remembered. They still held such fucking power over him. Billy could feel his breath catching in his throat and he had to turn away to stop himself from doing anything idiotic.

“Shit…” he breathed.

“So they were able to bring you back? Get the Remorhaz out of you?” Will asked and Steve looked back over at him with a soft smile and node.

“Yeah. There were lots of different heat-therapies and transfusions and other shit I don’t remember; shit I don’t _wanna_ remember, if Carmen is to be believed,” he said, his tone softer than it ought to be when explaining such shit. It was probably for Will. It felt strange that _Billy_ was now the one feeling protective of these kids; that he was feeling thankful to Steve for minding Will’s sensitivities. “They were learning as the went… So many of the other hosts didn’t make it; were too fused with the creature inside…” He paused here and it suddenly occurred to Billy that his arms had been slowly wrapping around himself; like he was holding himself for comfort. Fuck. “But yeah, they got me back. I was… confused… didn’t know where I was; _who_ I was…”

“Shit…” someone said but all eyes were still on Steve. He looked so soft and small. Just talking through all this shit must be a heavy weight.

“And then the surgeries and rehab and physio and counselling and all that shit started,” Steve tried to soldier on but he was pausing more and more now. “It was… It’s been a lot…” he ended and the silence swallowed up the room again.

As if this were her cue, Puppy climbed out of Max’s arms and crossed through the circle to leap up onto the couch next to Steve. Billy watched as the little creature sniffed at the other man, tail waggling away on her back. With a small smile, Steve scratched at her head; instinctively happening on her favourite spot.

“Right. I think that’s enough for now,” Dustin sighed, standing up with a clap of his hands. “Right, Steve?”

“Yeah…” Steve said, all his focus now on the little dog who was now rolling onto her back to show him her little pink belly.

“Max, how about you get some music on? Billy? How about some hot drinks?” Dustin continued, clearly having done a 180 and now _wanting_ to make a whole thing of this group gathering.

“Okay…” Billy tried but then Dustin was looking in the brunette’s direction.

“Steve can help you,” he said pointedly and Steve looked up at him all confused.

“I’m fine, Dustin,” Billy said, pushing off the door and starting in the direction of the kitchen area. With every step, however, he felt less and less _fine_. The weight of everything that Steve had just said was apparently resting heavily on _his_ shoulders too. He looked over and the nerds were all shifting around, Max rifling through his records and Dustin moving over to the couch to fuss Puppy in Steve’s place.

It was too much.

Today had been too much.

“I’m just gunna…” Billy started but he couldn’t think of any good excuse. Giving Steve one last look, he rushed back into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Fuck…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll level with you all...  
> The original plan was for everything to end with Steve dead in Irreversible Change. That was it. No plans for any of the rest.  
> But then Season 3 happened and I was so upset by Billy's death that I _needed_ them to both be alive.  
> So, yeah... It's not as simple as Steve just being back but... ^_^''''


	3. stnenopmoC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still working so slowly. I feel guilty but I promise its not on purpose.  
> Just finding ways of dealing at the moment and really don't want to spoil this story by forcing it.  
> Hope everyone is doing okay! <3

Breathe. Billy had to breathe. He was _not_ going to puss out again like he did when he first saw Steve at his door. He was _not_. He was a grown-ass man and he could fucking _deal_ with this. He’d dealt with so much worse before now; he’d made it through all that shit. He could fucking deal.

But Steve had been alive all this time. He’d been out there -all alone- and Billy had just been sat in fucking Hawkins feeling sorry for himself.

That fucking hurt. The thought of that fucking hurt real bad.

Moving through to the connected bathroom, Billy leaned over the sink and tried to focus. Fingers curled around porcelain as he tried to deal. The cool, smooth surface didn’t ground him as he wanted. His grip tightened. _Breathe_. He still needed to breathe.

Even through the two closed doors, he could hear the others all chatting away in the main room of the apartment. They all sounded so happy and excited; none of them were struggling. None of them were freaking out and they were all still kids.

Although... No. They weren’t _kids_ ; not anymore. Not for a while now. Hadn’t he been about their age when Alex had died? Hadn’t he already done a shit load of growing up by their age? Hadn’t _they_? With all the shit from the Upside Down… They definitely weren’t kids anymore; probably hadn’t even been back then. Not really. 

Breathing in deep, he closed his eyes and refocused his thought. This wasn’t about the _kids_ ; this was about _him._ _He_ needed to nut up. _He_ needed to stop this fucking nonsense. Jaw still tight, hands still rigid, he started the quiet count to ten that -once upon a time- he’d relied so heavily on.

“ _One, two..._ ” his voice was more like a hiss; his jaw was too rigid.

Before he could even reach the third count, he was interrupted.

“Billy...” The far-off voice, the quiet splashes of water, the way the others' voices suddenly came to a stop; he didn’t need to open his eyes to know he was back in the void.

He felt a shudder of something akin to _relief_ as he opened his eyes to the blackness. The sink was still there in front of him but that was it. El was already making her approach, coming from in front of him with a determined look on her face.

“El…” he said but it was just as strained as the two counts that he’d managed. It was like the tension was the only thing holding him together at the moment. “He’s- Steve is-”

“Back,” El said, stopping just in front of him; the sink being the only thing between them.

Billy took in a deep breath at that simple word. Even after watching the others’ reactions -even after hearing Steve’s story- it only _now_ felt truly real. El knew about all this shit. There was no way a fake or an illusion could trick her. She _knew_ about this.

She _knew…_ How much did she know?

“He didn’t die…” Billy breathed and he looked at the expression on her face. She was reading his thought; that much was clear. The widening of her eyes, the upwards tilt of her brows; she looked _apologetic_.

“No…” she said simply and Billy’s grip on the sink tightened even more. The old ache from his forearms -the ache he hadn’t felt in a long time- flickered back to life as he channelled the rush of feelings into his hands.

How could she _not_ have known? How could she have missed that he _wasn’t dead_?

“Billy-” she tried before he even had a chance to ask those questions aloud but Billy still interrupted all the same.

“How could you let me believe he was dead?” he asked and she was shaking her head, her eyes welling up with tears.

“No,” she tried but it wasn’t enough.

“Use your words, El. This shit is important!”

“I-” a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks and Billy shook his head. He wasn’t going to quit. How could she have missed it? How could she keep something like that from him? “I didn’t. I didn’t know!” she tried and it was almost weird hearing full sentences here. Would have been if Billy wasn’t so close to the edge.

“How could you miss it? He was still alive, El!” he pressed and she shook her head, more tears slipping free from those wide, brown eyes.

“Saw him. Saw the Remorhaz-”

“Full sentences, El,” Billy instructed and she bit her lip before continuing.

“I saw him getting hurt. I saw him getting shot,” she explained through her tears. God, once again Billy was being brought back into that moment. The moment that haunted his nightmares. Lying, useless, on the ground as Steve just _died_. Even now he was facing a new reality, it still made him feel sick to think about. “I saw you and him and then we ran…” she continued but it wasn’t explaining anything.

“How did you not _know_?” he asked again and she balled up her fists to look at him defiantly.

“I thought he was dead!” she snapped. “He was dead and you were broken. How _could_ I know?”

“Why didn’t you look for him here?” Billy shot back, hands finally relasing the sink to motion around him. “Why didn’t you look for him in the void? You would have found him, wouldn’t you?”

“I didn’t know to look!” El shouted back, hands slamming down on the sink in a way that would be simply impossible in reality, given how she was standing where the drywall was. “He was dead and you were broken. You needed help. I didn’t look because I thought he was dead!”

And it made sense. Of course, it made sense. The Upside Down had claimed people before Steve. There was no reason for El to go looking for someone that she, Hopper, Dustin and Billy had all witnessed ‘dying’. Watching him getting ‘shot in the head’ was pretty fucking convincing of the fact that a search through the void wasn’t fucking necessary.

Billy closed his eyes and curled up his fists. He knew it made sense. He did.

But it fucking sucked. It sucked that he’d suffered over two years of pain when Steve had been alive and out there on his own. He’d been here -wallowing in Hawkins- while Steve had been off in some different lab being prodded and poked and experimented on. They’d both been alone in their own way; suffering in totally different but equally unfathomable ways.

Billy should have been there. He should have helped.

He bit his lower lip until he felt it split, a coppery tang stinging his tongue.

While he’d been internalising, El’s expression had gradually softened. She watched him intently, head slowly tilting to one side in a way that looked eerily like Puppy when she thought she was in trouble. Tentatively, El brought a hand up to rest against his cheek.

“Not dead…” she said simply and Billy sighed, closing his eyes. “Came back,” she added and he nodded.

Steve wasn’t dead. It _was_ everything he’d always wished. Hadn’t he spent the better part of two and a half years dreaming of a reality where Steve Harrington hadn’t been killed in the lab? Wasn’t this just what he’d wanted?

Billy bit his lip harder; savoured the sting as if was an appropriate penance for leaving Steve all alone for this time. 

God…. He’d fucked it up. After all this time -after everything he’d been through- Steve came back to him and what did he do? He slammed the door in his face. He kept his distance. He’d been so caught up in his own bullshit that he’d given the man, who he claimed was the love of his life, the cold shoulder. Goddamn, he was such an idiot.

What the hell did Steve think of him right now?

“Wanted to see you,” El said, answering the questions swirling in Billy’s mind as she always did. He opened his eyes and saw the softness in his ‘little sister’s eyes. “Just you.”

“After all this time? After…” Billy asked but El was already nodding.

“Love,” she said simply and he huffed another sigh.

Could it be true? Just because _he’d_ spent the last two years being a hung-up wreck of a human being, didn’t mean Steve was the same. He’d had other shit to contend with. While Billy had been pouting and sulking, Steve had been literally rebuilding himself from the ground up. Those silvery scars that patterned his cheeks were doubtlessly just the tip of the iceberg of all the shit he’d been through.

Could he really still love Billy after all that? Could he really have had the time to give him all that much thought with all that shit happening to him?

“Coming over,” El said suddenly and her hand was moving away from his cheek. “Soon.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Be right there, Big Brother,” she said gently and, in the blink of an eye, Billy was back in the bathroom staring at his own reflection. His eyes were damp but he _wasn’t_ crying. All things considered, he looked pretty close to normal; like his whole world wasn’t lurching in another insane direction again.

All the same, he splashed some cold water in his face before heading back into his bedroom. Remembering the look on Steve’s face when he’d seen the scars on his arms, he yanked a maroon hoodie from the cupboard and pulled it on. Given what an ass he’d been so far, he really didn’t want to rub anything else in the other man’s face.

Fuck… he’d really done this wrong. He’d really fucked it up.

“You’re a shit host, Billy,” Max snarked the moment he stepped out into the main room.

Eyes instantly scanning for Steve, Billy paused as he took in the sight of him. He was with Dustin in the kitchen area, leaning a hip against the counter and sipping something from the “Number One Dad” mug that Dustin had ‘ironically’ got him for Father’s Day that year. There was something about seeing him looking so at home in Billy’s kitchen; it made his heart beat just that little bit faster all over again. Just like when he was a teenager with a crush.

Max moved over to stand in front of him, a shit-eating grin on her face.

“You gunna go over there, then?” she asked and Billy scowled at her. It wasn’t like before at all. The dynamic was different now. Dustin and Max _knew_ ; they _knew_ how hung-up on the other man Billy was. His cards were well and truly on the table.

It felt weird.

“Might do,” he shrugged in an act of disinterest that he knew Max would see through. Fuck, he didn’t know what he was doing. El’s words were still stuck in his head: _Just you_. “You little assholes planning on sticking around?” he sneered after a beat and Max rolled her eyes.

“Don’t start that again,” she drawled like he was the biggest pain in the ass this side of the Atlantic. “You don’t have to act like an asshole because you’re happy to see him,” she looked around at the other people in the room. Mike, Will and Lucas were all lounging about in the circle they’d made earlier; all smiles and banter. Even Will looked more relaxed than Billy had last seen him; Mike’s hand resting on his shoulder supportively. None of them were paying attention to them. “You’re okay to just be happy, you know,” she ended and Billy sighed.

“You think?” he asked and she rolled her eyes again.

“God, yes! Why do you have to be such hard work?” she exclaimed dramatically and Billy didn’t miss the way Steve looked over at them. “Just… Enjoy the moment, yeah?” she finished, clapping him on the arm in a gesture that screamed of latent awkward teen energy. Billy felt a grin blooming behind his lips and let himself submit.

“I’ll take it under advisement,” he smiled and she rolled her eyes one more time.

“Whatever, poser,” she huffed before heading back to the others in the lounge area.

“Brat,” Billy shot back and she gave him the finger.

He looked over at the kitchen area and saw two sets of eyes glancing in his direction. Both Dustin and Steve were doing a terrible job of hiding the fact that they were _definitely_ talking about him. Hand clenching and unclenching, Billy pussed out, moving over to the group and throwing himself down in his usual spot on the couch; the spot Steve had taken up as if somehow he’d known. Max gave him a scathing look but, honestly, he just couldn’t face it.

Not yet.

It wasn’t long before the front door was opening again and Joyce was rushing into the room, eyes wide and hair dishevelled. Before anyone had a good chance to react, she clocked Steve and raced over to sweep him up in her arms with a squeal of delight that Billy had honestly never heard from her before; not even at graduation.

“Oh Steve! You’re back! You’re back!” she cried out again and again. She seemed torn between holding him out to inspect him and pulling him close to hug him; every now and then alternating between the two in a way that almost looked like she was shaking him.

“Yes- I’m-” Steve was laughing, taking the manhandling in his stride.

“You’re back!” Joyce was crying now, clutching him closer and pressing her face close. “You wonderful boy, you’re back!”

“El!” Mike’s voice brought Billy’s attention back to the doorway where the other two intruders were standing. Eyes on Steve and Joyce, El crossed over to Mike, giving him a tight hug once they were close enough, but Billy’s focus was on Hopper.

The expression on the old man’s face was probably similar to the one Billy had been wearing himself to some degree. He looked in that halfway hell between utter disbelief and confusion but it was layered under the usual outward mask of calm that Hopper wore so well. It was only because of living with the guy -because of sharing their deepest losses- that Billy felt he could see through it really.

When Joyce finally took a step back away from Steve, Hopper moved closer, his eyes totally fixed on him.

“Hey Hop,” Steve smiled awkwardly just before he was yanked forwards into what looked like a _very_ strong bear hug from the older man. There was an audible ‘oof’ sound as Billy assumed Hopper was squeezing the air from the brunette’s lungs but everyone laughed happily all the same.

After a couple of seconds, Hopper was pushing Steve back away and clearing his throat in a way that fooled no one.

“Good to see you back, kid,” he said stiffly and Billy smirked when his eyes flicked over in his direction.

“Where have- I mean- How-?” Joyce stammered but Dustin was quick to step next to Steve and clap and hand on his shoulder all familiar like.

“Government brought him back, didn’t they Steve?” he said proudly like he hadn’t only just been told the whole story; like he’d known all alone. The little shit.

“Shit! I’m gunna kick Owens’ ass next time I see him, believe me. How could he not tell me you were alive?” Hopper growled but Steve was shaking his head and holding up his hands to calm him down.

“No- It wasn’t- Owens _didn’t_ know! I was-” he tried but, once again, Dustin cleared his throat, ready to take the lead.

“Come! Let’s sit down and explain everything!” he said confidently, leading the other three over.

Billy would have been irritated by the curly-haired boy’s sudden insistence on taking over but he had a feeling he knew the reason for it. They had both seen the hesitancy from Steve towards the end of his story; that apparent _exhaustion_ just from explaining himself. If he wasn’t being such a fucking coward, Billy would probably be doing the same right now. Anything to keep Steve safe and comfortable. Anything to lessen some of the weight that he was carrying right now.

But he _was_ being a coward. _Hearing_ the story had been too much for _him_. The idea of hearing it a second time wasn’t something he relished. As they all shuffled about to make room for Hopper and Joyce to sit on the couch, Billy stood up and grabbed his smokes from their place on the mantle.

“Just gunna head out for a smoke,” he grunted, holding up the packet as he crossed over to the door that, once again, had been left wide open. It was a miracle that Puppy hadn’t run away already today. As it was, she was curled up on El’s lap, looking a little done-in by all the excitement of the different visitors.

Closing the door behind him, Billy headed down the stairs to the door to the street. There was a step between the door and the sidewalk and he lowered himself down to sit and smoke. He didn’t _need_ a smoke -had been smoking less recently, if anything- but right now it was a welcome relief; a welcome escape.

As he took a deep drag, his mind went back to when Steve had first appeared at his door. He really had handled that badly. As badly as he could have really. Hadn’t he been halfway through calling ‘Dustin’ bullshit when he’d opened the door? Goddamn, that was bad too.

He really had screwed it all up.

And now every minute -every fucking _second_ \- that he let pass without talking to the other man was compounding that first shitty impression. Every moment that passed was another in which Steve believed that he didn’t give a shit that he was back; that this wasn’t the best thing that could have fucking happened.

Be he was a coward. El saying that Steve _wanted_ to see him -saying the word ‘love’ like it meant something- was a lot to take in. Billy had changed so much since Steve had last seen him. Dustin had once assured him that it was for the best -that he was a better person- but was that a person that Steve could love? Steve had fallen for him when he was eighteen and confident; broken only in a way that _could_ be fixed with a bit of TLC.

The man he’d become was a fucking mess, all things considered. Too dependent on his friends. Too attached to his pet. Too stuck in his ways to ever move on. How could Steve reconcile that person with the boy he’d loved two and a half years ago?

Hell, _two and a half years_ was a long time to hold onto a teenage romance. Steve could very well be over it all by now. Just wanted to see Billy to let him know that it was done; that he was back but that didn’t mean _they_ would be a thing anymore. It was no more than Billy deserved. Leaving Steve alone and confused for all that time; he deserved to be left all alone again.

“Room for one more?” came a soft voice from behind him and Billy almost choked on his smoke. “Shit-! Sorry!” Steve gasped as Billy spluttered and coughed like a fucking idiot. The older man crouched down and a tentative hand rested on his back while he tried to catch his breath.

By the time he’d recovered, his eyes were watering and he felt like the biggest fucking moron that ever had the love of his life come back from the dead. Not that there was all that much competition in that category he supposed. Just him and that blonde chick from that fucking movie he and Dustin had seen last week. At least he wasn’t pushing Steve into any ravines or anything like that.

“Sorry,” Steve said again and it sounded loaded; like it was for more than just the coughing fit.

Billy didn’t know what to say to that; didn’t know what to say all. He wasn’t sure he knew how to talk to the other man anymore. There was so fucking much he’d wanted to say to him over the years but he couldn’t think of a single one of them.

In the place of talking, he simply shuffled to one side, patting the space beside him so that Steve could sit. After a beat, the brunette moved into position, the width of the step forcing their forearms to touch where they sat. It was like no time had passed whatsoever. That small, indifferent connection was like a spark lighting the old flame in Billy’s gut.

Trying to push it down, he tipped out a smoke and offered it to the other man, not looking him in the face. He couldn’t. Not when he was so close. Not when they were touching like this.

“Ah, no. I shouldn’t,” Steve said softly, hands up and in front of him in a gentle refusal. Billy nodded and pushed it back into the pack. “Carmen wouldn’t be too impressed if I wrecked the body she spent so long putting back together, you know?”

“Hm,” Billy heard himself grunt in reply and, honestly, if he could kick his own ass he would right now. In place of _that_ , he simply took another drag of his smoke, the cheery glowing with less heat than what was churning up inside him. Fuck. He really was screwing this up.

“I don’t know what I expected…” Steve breathed after a few minutes’ silence.

“Hm?” Billy hummed in question and hated himself all over again for it.

“It’s been so long. I don’t know what… Urgh…” Steve sighed, hand coming up to run through his hair. The hair that concealed the gunshot wound. The hair that Billy had dreamt of; the home that his hands had been missing for so fucking long. Turning so that he was facing Billy, Steve tried again. “Billy-” he started but suddenly a car was coming to a halt just in front of them.

Billy looked up and instantly recognised it, even without seeing the passenger who was already scrabbling to get out.

“Oh God! Steve!” Nancy cried out, not waiting for him to stand before throwing herself onto him.

With yet another small grunt of exertion, Steve collapsed backwards into the entranceway to Billy’s apartment as Nancy simply held onto him, arms tight around his neck.

“You’re really here! You’re here!” she was crying and Billy took this as his time to stand up and give them space. Steve’s hands were stroking up and down the thin woman’s back, a smile on his face even as he just lay there and accepted her affections.

“Shh, it’s okay Nance. I’m here,” he soothed as she sobbed against him.

Jonathan was next, running round the front of the car to stand next to Billy, breaths coming short like that he’d run all the way here from Chicago. Hell, to have made it here already, they must have _gunned_ it all the way.

“You’re back…” Jonathan gasped and then, in place of dog-piling on top of Steve, he turned to Billy and yanked him into a tight embrace. “He’s back!” he repeated and Billy let his smoke drop to the floor, arms coming up to hold the other man.

Yeah. Steve was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the boys will get a chance to talk! ^_^'''  
> You know me by now, though. Love to make things difficult for them.


	4. slebiceD ytrihT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to always be apologising whenever I upload! ^_^  
> But, yeah, sorry for the delay between chapters. The world is really weird and scary and I still want to keep writing as my happy place.

“I can’t believe we get to do this again,” Nancy sighed happily, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. She was now sitting snuggled up next to Steve on the step to Billy’s apartment building. Billy and Jonathan had remained standing, the latter stammering his happy greetings once his girlfriend had released Steve. Nancy looked around at the three men, a smile on her lips that could only be one of true happiness. Even Nancy -with all her shared misery and upset over the past two years- was able to greet him properly. _She_ was able to show him just how badly he’d been missed; there was no mistaking _her_ joy for indifference. “I never thought we’d get the Matches back together. Not all of us…” she continued, wrapping her arms around Steve’s and hugging him close.

“The Matches…” Steve hummed, a brief look of confusion before he snapped his fingers. “The Matches! I remember! Memorial Day!” And he and Nancy and Jonathan were laughing and smiling at the memory. Billy wanted to join in. He wanted to laugh and smile and be in the moment but… there was a tug -a _snag_ \- of worry that just held him back.

There had been a brief moment when it looked like the other man _hadn’t_ remembered. Was it just the time that had passed or was there something more sinister behind that temporary block? How much _did_ he remember from back before he ‘died’?

What if he didn’t remember _them_?

Unconsciously, Billy took half a step backwards away from the two on the step. What if Steve didn’t remember being with him? After all, it had been _so new_ when he died; barely over two and a half weeks. If Steve was missing parts pf his memory, _could_ he have lost that? Would it be a simple thing like just now or something more permanent?

Would it be right for Billy to remind him?

“So- How are you here?” Jonathan asked and Billy’s hands itched for the carton of smokes in his back pocket. Goddamn, he’d come out here to _avoid_ hearing the story a second time.

“Steve?” Nancy’s voice was a soft and Billy looked down at the other man’s expression. Once again, he looked tired only this time it was way more open; like, even after all this time, he just felt more comfortable with the three of them.

“I-” the brunette tried, the word sounding closer to an exhale than the start of a sentence. “I didn’t- I wasn’t-”

“He didn’t die,” Billy finished for him and the other two looked towards him.

Clenching his fists, Billy forced himself to retell the tale; to shoulder the burden like Dustin had done when it was Joyce and Hopper asking. As he went on, he tried not to look at the older man but the desire was pretty fucking strong. He held it in but it was a close thing.

“And… they’ve cleared you now?” Nancy asked once Billy’s summary was complete. Steve nodded, drawing his lower lip between his teeth.

“Yeah… I-” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I was physically ‘cleared’ to come back around a month ago. The last of my surgeries was way back in August…”

“But you didn’t come back…” Nancy breathed and Steve shook his head.

“I was- I mean-” Once again, his hand was in his hair. He briefly looked up at Billy but then, seeming to catch himself, he looked back down again. “I didn’t _feel_ ready, you know? I didn’t feel like I was… I dunno…”

“But you feel ready now, right?” Nancy asked, her hands gently stroking Steve’s arms while still never letting go. She was so good at this; so good at comforting and looking after people.

If only Billy could be even _fractionally_ like her.

“I did… I do…” Steve shook his head, eyes once again flicking up and down in Billy’s direction. It made Billy hate himself all the more. How fucking badly had he messed this up? How badly had he accidentally kicked Steve when he was down?

If he didn’t remember them being together, maybe it really _would_ be for the best not to remind him. Let the poor man off the hook; save him from a lifetime of disappointment.

“Hey Billy?! You still got Steve out there?” Max’s voice -still loud even at this distance- came from back in his apartment. Clearly she was yawping out the front door and Billy winced at the thought of Ms Compton next door complaining about the noise again.

Nancy looked over her shoulder, an eyebrow raised in a way that looked like she was thinking similar -if less specific- things about noise complaints.

“You up to going up?” she asked, turning back to Steve and he offered her a small smile.

“I’m good, Nance. I-” brown eyes flicked up and briefly met Billy’s. It was brief but -fuck- it was enough. Billy gritted his teeth. He was the one thing fucking all of this up. “I came back, didn’t I?”

“Yeah…” Nancy replied, her eyes also coming up to look in Billy’s direction. Unlike Steve, she didn’t flinch away from him returning her gaze. There was a question in the way she looked at him and Billy knew full-well what it was: What the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck _was_ he doing?

“If it gets too much…” Jonathan started, stepping closer as the other two finally got back up onto their feet. “Just -I don’t know- drop the word _Matches_ into conversation…”

“Yes!” Nancy smiled, unfixing her gaze from Billy to look at the other two. “If you need a time out or anything just say the word and we’ll run interference!”

“Guys, it’s fine-” Steve tried but Nancy was shaking her head, her enthusiasm for the idea a force that Billy knew couldn’t be stopped now.

“You don’t _have_ to say it! It’s just there if you _need_ it!” she chirped, manhandling Steve a little to turn him back to face the doorway that led back to the apartment. “Now let’s get you back to your adoring fans! We’ve monopolised you long enough!”

Billy hung back as the other three headed back into to apartment. For a moment, he considered getting out another smoke; giving himself a bit longer on his own. Maybe then he could actually muster up a _real_ kind of reaction for Steve. Maybe then he wouldn’t be such a fucking asshole.

But in the end, he just trailed after them. The last thing he needed was to make a scene. El and Dustin and Nancy knew him too well; would know why he was holding out and would totally call him out on it. No. The safest bet was to try and join in and be a fucking man about it. Hell, maybe at some point he’d get Steve alone again and then they could talk.

Then he could say _something_ that would help this situation.

But it didn’t happen. Superhero that she was, Joyce somehow turned the shit in Billy’s cupboards into a meal for the whole group and everyone sat about catching up and being merry. Steve barely had a moment to go and take a fucking piss, let alone talk one to one with Billy, always chatting with one of the group or being pulled into _another_ hug.

More than once, Max or El or Dustin would give Billy a _look_ but, in all honesty, he really didn’t know what to do. He was just being swept along with all of it; just trying to keep the apartment in some kind of shape for when everyone fucked off again.

By the time Joyce and Hopper were organising who they were driving home, Billy felt all kinds of exhausted and didn’t even think to argue when Dustin announced that he, Nancy, Jonathan and Steve would be staying over. Hell, by this point, he was just surprised that _more_ people weren’t insisting on staying.

\---

And that’s how he found himself standing in his bedroom alone with Steve. Nancy, Jonathan and Dustin were all bunking down in the lounge and Billy had been tasked with setting Steve up in his room. It felt so fucking weird, given how little the two of them had actually said to one another since Steve had showed up this afternoon.

“You can -ah- borrow something from the drawers over there…” Billy huffed, pointing awkwardly in the right direction. Steve turned for a moment before giving him a short nod.

“Okay…” he hummed and Billy nodded back.

“I’ll just-” he started, unsure what fucking excuse he could make to leave Steve to get changed that wouldn’t sound like he was just fucking running away. Even though he was. Goddamn, he couldn’t just fucking _stand there_ and watch while the other man got changed, now, could he? That would be way too fucking creepy and weird; especially seeing how shit he’d been so far. No. Now was definitely _not_ the time to be all skeevy and weird. “I’ll just see that the others are sorted, you know?” he finished, not waiting for a reply before heading out into the main room again, closing the door behind himself.

“Ah! No, no, no!” Dustin was on him in an instant; voice loud and physically getting up in Billy’s space. “You’re not running away again, Billy! I _know_ you haven’t talked to him yet!”

“The hell am I supposed to say?” Billy countered, dodging around the younger boy and heading further into the lounge. “He doesn’t- What if he doesn’t-”

“What? Doesn’t _what_? Want you anymore?” Nancy asked, equally unimpressed as she stepped in front of him, hands on her hips.

Fuck. Yeah? Maybe? It wasn’t that simple. He’d messed this up; he’s ruined it. Steve had been so worried about coming back to Hawkins -back to his friends- and Billy had just given him the cold shoulder. He’d ruined it completely.

“I don’t know! He doesn’t need all of this!” Billy exclaimed, hands motioning towards himself. He felt like a fucking idiot; like a worthless piece of garbage. Fucking hell.

“All of what? Billy, you’re-” Dustin started but -fuck- Billy wasn’t about to listen to some bullshit about him being a _better man_ again.

“-a fucking useless mechanic who still hangs around with high schoolers and didn’t do anything with his life?” he interrupted like _that_ was the main problem.

In all honesty, it both was and wasn’t the main problem. Steve was alive; he was alive and here and could finally have everything that he deserved. All the visions of his bright future -all the futures Billy had imagined for him- they were all possible for him now.

It hurt that those visions mostly looked brighter without him in them. Steve could find a wife and start up a beautiful, safe suburban life with her. He could be normal and safe and happy.

And Billy’s life would stay the same. Maybe he could be content just _knowing_ that Steve was alive and safe somewhere. Maybe that could be enough.

“Steve doesn’t care about that, Billy,” Nancy said simply and Billy shook his head.

“He deserves more! He could-!”

“He wants you, you big idiot!” Dustin snapped, hands on Billy’s shoulders forcing him to turn around. “You know what the first thing he said was when he turned up on my door? No ‘Hey Dustin! I’m back from the dead!’ It was just about you. He just asked where _you_ were!” Billy stared, wide-eyed, the other boy. It sounded ridiculous -like it couldn’t be true- but the look in Dustin’s eyes was so fucking serious.

“But-” he tried but the younger boy wasn’t done.

“He wants you,” he said firmly, holding onto Billy’s shoulders and giving them a little squeeze. “After two and a half years, he still wants you! I’d say that means you _at least_ owe him a conversation!”

Billy glanced over his shoulder but Nancy and Jonathan were both nodding along with what Dustin was saying.

He knew it was true. Even with all his doubts, he knew he needed to talk to the other man; see where they both stood and everything. He owed him that. He owed _himself_ that. Two and a half years of missing someone…

God… he really had screwed this up…

“Now get back in there and don’t come out until you’ve talked!” Dustin smiled, giving his shoulders another squeeze. Billy looked back at the kid who had somehow become family to him.

“Okay…” he breathed and Dustin nodded.

“Okay…”

\---

Puppy was already lying in her usual spot at the end of the bed when Billy came back into the room. Her little head shot up for a moment but, after seeing who it was, she settled back down with only a small groan of irritation at being disturbed. Billy’s attention, however, was elsewhere.

Steve was standing in the middle of his room wearing what must have been his _only_ long sleeved t-shirt with a pair of loose-fitting shorts. As Billy closed the door behind him, the older man turned to face him and, already, Billy could see the hesitation on his face.

“Hey,” Steve said, not even trying to hide the anxiety in his voice.

“Hey,” Billy answered back.

“I hope these are okay…” Steve started, looking down at himself and pulling the bottom of the shirt out as if inspecting it. “They were in those drawers…”

“They’re fine,” Billy answered, eyes catching the brief flash of skin when Steve pulled the fabric away from his midriff. It was only the quickest of glances but, goddamn, he still caught a glimpse of the dark hair that led downwards into the older man’s underwear.

Forcing himself to look back up, Billy shook his head. “You’re good,” he said and it ended up sounding more like a question than he’d meant.

“Yeah… I’m good…” Steve breathed. They both held still for a moment, neither knowing what the fuck to do with themselves, but then Steve was stretching upwards as a long yawn overtook him. Billy forced himself _not_ to look down again as that beautiful skin was revealed a second time as Steve’s arms went over his head.

“Tired though?” Billy asked with a small smile and Steve nodded.

“Yeah… It’s been a lot,” he agreed and Billy took an unconscious step closer.

“They were all happy to see you,” he observed and instantly hated himself for the word ‘they’; excluding himself from the sentiment like a jackass. “ _We_ were all happy to see you,” he corrected but the expression of disappointment on Steve’s face was unmistakeable.

“Yeah..?” he asked and Billy bit his lip. Fuck. He was fucking it up again.

“Yeah,” he forced himself to say and, once again, the room was silent.

This time the quiet was broken by a little sigh from the dog as she rolled onto her back and stretched her back legs out. Billy looked over at her with a flush of envy; if only he could be so fucking casual about all of this. The little creature had adapted to Steve being around like she’d known him all her life; like this wasn’t a huge change.

If only he could be so relaxed. If only he could make Steve feel half as welcome as the little creature had done.

“So, ah- You can take the bed and I’ll-” he looked down at the floor. There was a small, embarrassing pile of clothes that hadn’t quite made it to the laundry basket and the towel he’d used for the shower he’d had earlier. All in all, his room was a bit of a mess by his standards and certainly didn’t have the floorspace for him to sleep on. “I can head next door and sleep with the others…”

“I don’t-” Steve started when Billy made a moved back towards the door. Turning slowly, the blonde could see his hand reaching out as if to stop him. “I don’t want to throw you out of your bed, Billy.”

“I don’t mind-”

“I do. Please just-” Steve stopped himself and looked back at the bed. “Just stay with me… Please?”

And fuck… Billy couldn’t refused that.

Grabbing the sweats and t-shirt that he wore to bed on colder nights, Billy headed into the bathroom. He changed quickly and scrubbed his teeth, all the while his heart pounding away in his chest.

This was crazy. He was crazy doing this. It had been too long. Steve had been through too much. He could have a new life; a better life. Steve deserved so much better than him.

He had all the reasons -all the excuses- he could possibly need to leave Steve alone and go back into the lounge; to stay away and give the clean break that he deserved. But no. Billy was too weak for that. Had dreamt too many nights about the man in his bed. Had wanted him too much.

He was too weak to run now.

And so he found himself climbing into bed next to Steve; flicking off the lamp and plunging the room into darkness. He stretched out his legs, being mindful of where Puppy was lying, and just… _existed_.

For the longest time they lay there in silence; both lying on their backs listening to the other breathing. It was surreal; it was insane. Billy tried to think back to this morning -to how normal this day had seemed. Now here he was, lying in bed beside Steve Harrington and it felt all kinds of weird.

“I thought you’d be happy,” Steve finally breathed, looking up at the ceiling. “I mean… I _hoped_ you’d be happy. Yeah, I know: real naïve, right? Thinking I could come back after this long and you’d just…” the other man’s voice trailed off wistfully, leaving what he’d wanted unsaid. It was tantalising.

“Thinking that I’d what?” Billy asked, his voice a whisper like there was a chance of the others next door hearing; like he gave a shit if they did. Steve shrugged and Billy could feel it where their arms touched.

“I dunno…” Steve sighed, turning his head to look at Billy. “Cards on the table?” he asked and Billy nodded mutely. There was a rising tension in the room; something akin to that old, familiar static and a small part of Billy hoped Steve was feeling it too. Steve rolled onto his side and Billy found himself mimicking the action, their eyes meeting in the gloom. “I thought a lot about what would happen when I found you again. In some scenarios- In _most_ scenarios, you’d laugh and smile and hold me,” the older man explained and it felt so full of emotion -so full of _longing_ \- that Billy held his breath. The way he spoke sounded so familiar in a way that was impossible to describe; like he was speaking in the same tone of voice as the dreams that had haunted Billy’s nights ever since he’d ‘died’. “God… You’d take me up in your arms and we’d kiss and it’d be like nothing ever happened…” he whispered and Billy couldn’t help but smile at the image that created.

“Yeah?” he asked. God, wouldn’t that have been sweet? Wouldn’t that have been perfect? Just what Steve deserved after everything he’d been through.

“Yeah. I mean, that’s probably the _tamest_ they were but…” he smiled and, for a second, it was so playfully suggestive that Billy _couldn’t_ breathe. Fuck. Was this real? Steve held his gaze for a moment before his eyes flicked down towards the mattress. His lips drooped downwards and Billy knew that he must be thinking of what _actually_ happened. A twist of guilt caught him sharply in the gut. “I guess… I was just being stupid… I dunno…” he continued and that sexy glimmer of confidence seemed to have faded out already. “I guess it’s been too long. Hasn’t it? I mean- How long _has_ it been?”

Billy bit his lip and the split there stung. He _had_ known the number of days. Once upon a time, he’d known that shit deep in his soul. Now…

“Well… Let’s figure it out…” he sighed, rolling back onto his back. This had been his security blanket; that comforting notion that helped him deal with _not knowing_. He wondered how long it would actually take him to work it all out; to make good on the promise he made to himself when he’d failed in his self-appointed _counting_ role. “It’s the twenty first today and you died on the eighth so… we’ve got thirteen days right there,” he started, talking aloud through his calculations like he was back in elementary school. Fuck, next he’d be putting his fingers up and checking off on them too. “Plus all the days in the months between June and October. June and September both have thirty and July and August have thirty-one so that’s…” he actually had to think here.

“A hundred and thirty-five?” Steve offered but it didn’t sound right. Billy frowned and shook his head.

“Two thirties is sixty. Two thirty-ones is sixty-two. That’s one-twenty-two, I reckon,” he corrected and Steve huffed out a small laugh.

“Add the thirteen?” he offered and it clicked.

“Ah. Yeah. One-thirty-five, you’re right,” he agreed, a little flush of embarrassment on his cheeks. Shit. He should have known that; it wasn’t like his work at the auto shop didn’t involve some math. Folding his arms over his chest he coughed, hating himself for a second when he realised that was literally Hopper’s move earlier when he was embarrassed too. “Ahem… So… Then we gotta add two years. Neither were leap years so that’s just double three hundred and sixty five…” his mind raced; two mathematical fails would be too much. “Double the sixty five for one-thirty. Double the three hundred for six. So seven-thirty…”

“Add the hundred and thirty-five makes…” Steve murmured, sounding very much like he was also struggling. Fucking math. It was crazy how much his mind had slowed since leaving High School. Apparently, Dustin was right when he’d said _you use it or lose it_ ; just maybe not in the context he’d actually fucking meant it.

“Eight hundred and sixty-five days…” Billy finished a few seconds later and -shit- saying it out loud made it sound really fucking real. When did it get that high? He remembered counting out well into the 500s but… Had it really been that long since he’d counted? Had it really been that long since they’d all been in the lab; since they’d all been together fighting against the Remorhazes?

It seemed so long and not at all at the same time. Like how it had done when shit had first hit the fan, time didn’t make sense to Billy anymore.

“Shit…” Steve breathed and Billy nodded his agreement.

“Yeah… Shit.”

“I guess we don’t count today though…” Steve offered and Billy nodded.

“No… No, you’re back now so…” Billy trailed off and the other man nodded his agreement.

“So… Eight hundred and sixty-four?”

“Eight hundred and sixty-four…”

They both lay in silence for a moment. It was still so tense; it was still so loaded. Yeah, they were talking now but it wasn’t _talking_ -talking. Doing math out loud hardly counted as a heart to heart. Even Dustin at his nerdy peak couldn’t stand behind that.

It was now or never. Steve had asked him to stay; had said all that shit about how he had _wanted_ their reunion to go. Even if that had been a fucking fantasy, the fact that he’d told Billy about it show that he _wanted_ to talk to him. Dustin was right: Steve needed this. He needed to talk. Even if he was just going to be revealing how firmly _unappealing_ he was now, Billy just had to fucking man up and talk to him.

“I…” he started and he could feel Steve’s eyes on him. He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before admitting it aloud: “I fucked this all up…”

“Yeah?” Steve breathed and he wasn’t agreeing; simply asking. Simply creating a space for Billy to talk through all his stupid shit. Like he always had done; he’d always been so fucking patient; so good and caring and _perfect_.

“Yeah…” Billy half-smiled, turning to look at the other man. God. Cutting through all the bullshit swirling in his mind, he still couldn’t deny it: Steve Harrington was still so fucking beautiful. The scars that now patterned his cheeks somehow just added to the otherworldliness of his beauty. Fuck. For all his thoughts of Steve being better off without him -that he could have a better life with someone else- Billy still had it so bad. “I mean… You were dead so I had a couple of scenarios of my own, you know?”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Well, there were three main types I suppose…” Billy hummed, rolling back onto his side but still finding himself a little too pussy to look the brunette in the eye. “First is simplest: We never go to the lab. We wake up the day after the June Ball and everything is fine. Owens has dealt with it all and me and you just… I dunno…” he scratched at the hair behind his ear. It felt strangely embarrassing to be admitting to all this shit but Steve needed to hear it; he needed to hear that Billy actually _did_ care. “I haven’t really thought about that one in a while though, you know? Not really in the same headspace as I was back then…”

“What’s the next one?” Steve asked softly.

“Next is the one I use to beat myself with: I save you,” Billy sighed rubbing his hand over his brows. “Had quite a few dreams where I’m fast enough and make it across that room to stop the Remorhaz from getting you. In others, I warn you and the spear misses; anti-climactic but still does the trick. Then in others I kill all the Remorhazes before they have a chance to get to you. Sometimes I survive in these dreams, sometimes I don’t, but I always find a way to save you.” These really were the ones that fucking hurt. So many times over the past 864 days he’d woken up feeling shitty because _Dream Billy_ had been able to save the day when he’d failed so badly.

“Have any where I save myself by _not being an idiot_? Where I remember that they shoot those damn things and stop ogling you for, like, five seconds?” Steve huffed a small laugh and Billy smirked.

“Nah. I’m always the hero, I’m afraid. Not really what you’d call a ‘fantasy’ if I don’t come out of it looking golden, right?” he grinned, glancing up to offer him a wink. It was bullshit. Any scenario that resulted in Steve being around for the past 864 days would be ‘golden’; whether Billy was the hero or not.

“I see,” Steve smiled and Billy could feel the warmth of it. Things were feeling a little easier; a little more like home. Talking to Steve was almost feeling the same as it had done back then. “And the last one?”

“Ah… Third one is actually… I guess it was almost on the money,” Billy explained, looking away again. It was still a lot to say this. It was a lot to admit to. “Third one is that _somehow_ you are brought back to life. Sometimes El drags you out of the void, sometimes I go into the Upside Down and rescue you, sometimes Doc Owens goes all Frankenstein and reanimates you… But basically-”

“I’m brought back to life,” Steve offered and the smile was gone from his voice. Billy chanced another glance and he instantly clocked how Steve’s eyes had fallen; the way his arms were wrapping self-consciously around himself. Fuck. After the explanations he’d given the others about skin grafts, it wasn’t that big a stretch to assume he had more scars than just the ones on his face.

That _Frankenstein_ comment… Fuck.

“Yeah…” Billy breathed, feeling like a total shit head. There was a moment’s silence in which he searched for the fucking words; something he could say that would undo the hurt that he hadn’t meant to cause. Fuck… that was all he was doing today. Since he’d come back, all Billy had done was hurt Steve. “So… When I say I’ve fucked it all up, I mean it,” he tried, forcing himself to look Steve in the face. The brunette’s eyes were still downcast but he soldiered on. “Me slamming the door in your face was _never_ the plan, Steve. Not in any of those scenarios. I never planned on being like this but…” he sighed and shook his head.

“It’s a lot…” Steve finished for him. “Me being back. It’s a lot…”

“It is,” Billy agreed but Steve’s face still looked so fucking sad; his eyes still wouldn’t meet Billy’s. Hesitating for only a moment, Billy reached out, fingers touching the other man’s chin. As Steve let out a small gasp, he guided his chin up so that they were finally seeing eye to eye. “Cards on the table? If I’d done it right, I _would_ have kissed you. I _would_ have laughed and held you close and told you how much I missed you.”

“Yeah?” Steve breathed, his eyes briefly flicking down to Billy’s lips.

“Yeah,” Billy replied, wetting his lower lip unconsciously.

“You’d… still want that?” Steve sounded so dreamy; so close. Billy could feel his breath on his lips. Goddamn…

“I still want that…” he answered, needing Steve to hear how true it was; needing him to know that his confusion and doubt had nothing to do with how much he wanted the other man.

Both of their breathing was coming short; the static in the air was crackling. It wasn’t in Billy’s head. He could see Steve’s pupils; big and bold and beautiful as they swallowed up the perfect brown of his irises. He knew it now: all it would take was the slightest _push_ and that would be it. What had done it the first time? What had been the final push that had got them over the line back when they were teenagers?

Before he could find the answer, Billy was blinded by the sudden flood of light from the bedroom door. Steve’s arm was coming up between them to shield his eyes and Billy didn’t need to roll over to know what had happened.

“Sorry guys! Don’t mind me!” Dustin’s fucking stage-whisper cut across the room in the most mood-killing way possible. “Just need to use the bathroom! You carry on! I’m not here!” he continued and, when Billy _did_ turn to give him a _look_ , he was tiptoeing through the room like he was part of Mystery Inc.

Billy looked back into Steve’s eyes and could see the sparkle of amusement. They both held it together for all of two seconds before losing it; Steve snorting with laughter as Billy cackled. It almost felt like their tried and tested; adding just the right amount of stupidity to alleviate the masses of tension that seemed intrinsically part of Billy’s very existence. If it wasn’t Billy Joel or the Bee Gees, it was Dustin fucking Henderson. As he laughed, Steve curled forwards and rested his forehead against Billy’s and it felt so fucking good that Billy couldn’t help but bring his hands up into his hair.

Yes. This was how it felt. He couldn’t believe how easily he’d forgotten.

 _Just knowing_ could never be enough. Not now.

Just as their laughter died down -just as it looked like the moment had returned to them- the sound of the toilet flushing resounded through the room and Dustin was ‘sneaking’ back through.

“Me again! Sorry guys!” he hissed dramatically. “It’s good to see you finally talking! Keep at it! We won’t disturb you again!” he continued, speaking as if Nancy and Jonathan had been a part of this interruption; as if they weren’t _definitely_ waiting just outside the door to clobber the little git for interrupting them. Billy didn’t even bother looking back over at him as he slipped out of the door; just enjoyed the feeling of closeness with the man he’d never thought he’d see again.

As the darkness enveloped them once again, Steve shifted a little closer and the tips of their noses touched. Billy hummed softly, eyes closing at the familiar, delightful contact. Goddamn, this was it. This was Steve. He should never have doubted it. He should never have let his own hang-ups get in the way of this. This was Steve. This was perfect.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve asked and the only answer Billy could give was to lean closer and press their lips together. It was soft and sweet and fucking beautiful and Steve hummed out a little moan that sounded like fucking music to Billy’s ears.

And it was like eight hundred and sixty-four days worth of pain was all flooding out of his body. As Billy’s breath rushed out of him, he broke away from the other man, hands coming forwards to clutch at the shirt he was wearing. He buried his face against Steve’s neck as an ocean of tears suddenly crashed out of him. Steve’s arms were surrounding him as he sobbed and sobbed.

“You were dead Steve…” he gasped, clinging on to the other man for dear life.

“Shh… Billy…” Steve soothed and Billy could feel him pressing light kisses to the top of his head; could feel his hands gently combing through his hair. “I’m here now… I’m here…”

“You were dead and I didn’t save you…” Billy carried on. Fuck it was all so much. It had been so long. He’d been doing so well but not at all. He wasn’t really living. He could only now see it. “I let you die! It was all my- It was my-”

“I’m here, baby. I’m here…” Steve hummed and there it was again. _Baby_. The name that shouldn’t have meant so much -that _should_ have pissed him off- but did all the fucking same. Hearing it again was so… It was everything. Steve was here. The real Steve. It really was him.

Steve was here and alive and -fuck- Billy had ruined it all.

“I ruined it-” Billy gasped, drawing back to look into the other man’s eyes. “I ruined it and I didn’t- I wanted to-” he was babbling. He was a fucking mess. Looking into Steve’s eyes, Billy could see the tears sparkling there too.

“You didn’t ruin it, Billy,” he smiled softly even as a single tear rolled down his cheek. “We’re both here now. I’m here…” and he was leaning forwards and kissing Billy again and it was so fucking good that Billy melted into it.

As they kissed, Billy rolled back, letting the older man lean over him. Kissing him again, even with all the tears and the shuddering gasps, felt so fucking perfect and Billy quickly lost himself in it. Once again, his hands were coming up to fist that beautiful, silken hair and Steve humming into his mouth.

It was everything. Once again, Steve Harrington was taking up Billy’s whole world.

Right up until he wasn’t.

One moment they were kissing and Billy was shuddering at the gentle stroke of the other man’s tongue against his lips, the next there was an unpleasant tugging sensation in his hair. Breaking the kiss, Billy tried to move away from the feeling but there was suddenly _another_ tongue lapping at him; this time right into his ear.

“Jesus! Puppy, get off!” he hissed, hands untangling from Steve’s hair to manhandle the little dog off him. As he sat up and held the little dog out away from him, Steve was rolling onto his back and laughing again. “It’s not funny, Steve! She was standing in my hair!” Billy snipped, putting the dog down and instantly regretting it as she lunged forwards at him again in another attempt to lick his face.

“Clearly she thinks she should be involved!” Steve chuckled as Billy pushed the dog away with a stern ‘Enough’ command. There was a brief stand-off where Billy stared the little animal down before she huffed out a sigh and slowly made her way back to the foot of the bed.

“Disgusting animal…” Billy huffed and Steve sniggered once again.

“Still can’t believe you called a dog Puppy,” he grinned as Billy turned back to look down at him.

“What’s wrong with Puppy? It suits her!” he objected but Steve’s arms were already out, beckoning him back down to join him where he lay. Powerless to resist, Billy shuffled back down so that he could lie on his side next to the other man.

“You’re an idiot, Billy Hargrove,” he hummed as Billy snuggled closer, resting his cheek against his chest and weaving his arms around him. As he relaxed into the position, he felt a wave of comfort smoothing over him. It was so fucking beautiful; so goddamn perfect. It was Steve Harrington. He was back.

“And you’re a miracle, Steve Harrington,” Billy smiled and he nuzzled closer, eyes growing heavy.

 _I love you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... they're _starting_ to talk. I know it's not much but they never do make things easy for themselves.  
> Also, the whole Eric situation definitely needs addressing asap.


	5. noitalahxE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been so long and sorry the chapter is short.  
> I keep using work as an excuse but it really is doing me in.  
> That and the world and just general life. 
> 
> Please accept this nice thing in the hopes that it cheers at least one person up [even if it's just me].

Soft, sweet _perfection_ … If it had a scent, that was what filled Billy’s senses. Still barely awake, he breathed it all in. Yes… If there was a scent that could be called ‘love’ and ‘home’ and ‘perfect’, this was it. For a moment, he let himself bask in it.

Nothing else mattered. Only this feeling.

He was lying on his side, left arm was wrapped around something warm; something sturdy. His right was in a mirror image of the left but there was a pressure holding it down; like whatever he was holding onto was _on_ him. Still wilfully blind, he tightened the hold that he had on whatever it was that he was wrapped around and he heard a small, happy sigh from just above him.

Nuzzling closer to whatever his face was resting against, Billy couldn’t help but smile. It felt so good. It felt better than anything he’d felt in ages.

And then more sounds started to filter into his consciousness. They were quiet but still ever present. Like people talking; having some kind of conversation. The aroma and pressure and _warmth_ were still dominating his senses; still the only things that really mattered to him.

“Seriously, Dustin?” finally the words from the conversation were making sense. The voice was beautiful and familiar in a way that, in his semi-conscious state, seemed impossible. How could it be? Billy felt like be was missing something... something didn’t quite add up... “You really think that, after being gone for well-over two years, I’d remember your toilet habits?”

“Well excuse me! At least _Billy_ remembers about my small bladder!” Dustin’s voice replied but Billy could barely concentrate on it. Eyes closed, he was still largely entranced by the smells and feelings and the sound of _that_ voice.

“Shh! Don’t wake him!” the _perfect_ voice hushed from the same place that the sigh from before had come from.

All the pieces were aligning. Everything was starting to fit together.

This was a dream.

“I see your talk went well,” Dustin’s voice was amused, getting closer like the younger boy was slowly approaching him. Billy kept his eyes closed, letting himself indulge in the heavenly feelings of scent and touch and sound.

If this was a dream, he’d happily sink deeper and deeper into it.

“I’m glad. He-” there was some hesitation in the younger boy’s voice. Billy felt the bed dip just behind him; drawing his attention to the fact that he was, indeed, on a bed.

This was nothing new. There had been so many dreams like this: lying in these perfect arms; tangled up with Steve Harrington like nothing had ever happened. Dustin being here was a new development but not wholly unprecedented. There had been a few such dreams where Nancy or Max or even _Alex_ had been there; never anything freaky but always adding a strange dimension to things.

“He really missed you,” Dustin carried on and it was real close now. There was a sad noise from above him and Billy almost wanted to open his eyes; to look up and see the older man. To kiss the sadness away and make everything right again.

But no. He wouldn’t risk breaking the dream. He couldn’t risk waking up alone in his apartment again.

“I missed him too,” the voice above him spoke softly, a melancholic edge to it. “I missed you all but…” and now it faded out; hesitant and hurt. It was heart-breaking. Dream or no, Billy had to tighten his hold on the body beside him at that.

“Yeah… I get it…” Dustin was using _that tone_ now. The one he used when he comforted Billy; the one he used when _understanding_ more than a kid his age should.

And, with that, there was silence. For a moment, Billy wondered if he’d done it -broken himself out of the dream with that one small movement- but then there was a new feeling.

A small, involuntary moan escaped him as he felt gentle hands stroking through his hair. Reacting to the sound, they stilled a moment and Billy bit his tongue. There was no way he was going to do anything that prevented more of _that_. After another few seconds, the hands were back and it felt _amazing._ With every stroke, Billy could feel his whole body melting further and further into the mattress. As they moved, Billy could feel trails of light, of warmth, of love, being etched into his scalp. It was perfect.

 _Everything_ was so perfect. This was the _perfect_ dream.

Basking in the perfection he knew he couldn’t have again in the waking world, Billy was content to just lie there and listen to the dream playing out. Wherever this conversation was going, it didn’t _feel_ like the beginning of one of his nightmares. It didn’t feel like the Steve who he was wrapped around was going to crumble and fall apart.

“But you’re both here now, right? You’re looking pretty comfy together,” Dustin spoke, a sly grin clear in his words.

“Yeah,” Steve’s reply was soft and fond. The gentle pressure that encircled Billy tightened for a moment as if the other man was hugging him close.

This really was a dream.

“Did you make a move?” Dustin asked because of course he did. Nosey jerk couldn’t keep his beak out even when he was in Billy’s dreams.

All the same, everything felt too good -too perfect- for Billy to be annoyed with him. Especially not when he got to hear the hushed hiss from Steve:

“Dustin!” the older man was laughing even as he scolded the little nerd. Or potentially _not so little_. Without opening his eyes, it was a toss up whether or not this dream Dustin was the one from now or the one from _then_. Billy supposed it didn’t really matter all that much to be honest.

“I don’t want details! I just want-” Dustin stopped himself in a way that Billy knew meant he’d caught himself; he was being too loud. In this dream scenario, Billy was supposed to be asleep. The younger boy was trying not to wake him. Billy smirked to himself at the strangeness of his own imagination. “I just want you guys to be happy…” Dustin ended and it sounded so sincere -so much like the _real_ Dustin- that Billy made a mental note to find an excuse to hug him when he woke up.

If Steve ever really came back, he’d definitely be that supportive. He’d definitely be that good.

“I mean… There’s still so much we need to talk about…” Steve replied after a moment’s pause.

And there would be. In the past few years, Billy had had so many experiences that were wholly separate from Steve. If he _did_ come back for real, there would be so much that they needed to talk about.

Billy snuggled closer to that feeling of perfection; the dream was stepping too close to reality. It was getting close to the slippery slope that usually ended with Billy screaming himself awake and Puppy licking him frantically while he sobbed.

He had to hold onto this happy feeling.

“But you’re happy?” Dustin asked quietly. There was a small movement above Billy that must have been a nod. The hand stroking his hair stilled where it was as Billy felt the other arm tighten; holding him closer. Yes. This was what the dream was supposed to be like. This beautiful _peace_ ; lying in Steve’s arms. “Did you kiss him?” the younger boy’s questions continued and Billy heard the small huff of breath above him. It was closer now; like Steve was leaning into him.

God… it was so good.

“…Yes…” Steve replied, his voice a low, sexy hum. Still fucking terrified that he’d ruin it -end the dream early- Billy held back any reactions he might have had to that sound but, goddamn, it was a close call. “It was- How long has he had the beard?”

Ah. So this must be one of those ‘current day’ dreams. Dustin would be sat there in all his gangly, sixteen-year-old glory and Billy was definitely lying there sporting the beard he’d never meant to grow.

Honestly, he barely thought about it unless it was commented on. Before Steve had died, he really didn’t need to shave all that much; his facial hair grew so fucking slowly and the few patches that did actually sprout were so light that he could get away with laziness in that department. Hell, he figured the little ‘tache actually suited him.

Over the past few years, it had filled out into a genuine beard of sorts. Larry had once commented on how he was ‘a real man’ now and Billy still remembered the embarrassing swell of something like pride when he’d heard it.

“Err… I dunno…” came Dustin’s reply. “I guess it’s just been slowly coming in since he graduated… Was real patchy at first. Looked like a ball-bag for the longest time.”

Forget hugging the little asshole when he woke up. Dustin Henderson was a dick head; real or imagined.

“Dustin!” Steve’s voice was halfway between a laugh and scolding. Despite the insult, Billy couldn’t help but smile at the sound. Steve always had the most beautiful laugh. Even in his dreams, it was perfection.

“It did! But I think it suits him now. He seems to like it anyway...” the little douche replied.

“Yeah. Me too…” Steve replied and it was such a fucking sexy, pervy voice that Billy was certain he was blushing even as he snuggled up closer. Hell, this dream version of Steve was definitely ticking all the boxes.

“Gross,” Dustin practically spat and Billy could just _see_ the look on his face; all wrinkled up nose and narrowed eyes like he’d been asked to lick a Remorhaz or something.

Silence took hold and, if it weren’t for the ever-present scent of perfection, Billy was half convinced that the dream had ended. He shifted a little closer to the solid heat that, at least moments ago, _had_ been dream Steve and was glad to feel that it hadn’t changed.

Whatever was happening here in his dream, Steve was still here. Taking another deep breath in, Billy relaxed further into all of the sensations. The two started to speak once again but, like when the dream had started, the words seemed to become muffled; seemed to lose their shape. Once again, the only things that mattered were the smell and feel of Steve.

God… What a perfect feeling. Billy hoped he’d never wake up.

\--- **22 nd October 1987**\---

When consciousness slowly crept back up on Billy, the scent _still_ hung about him. Breathing in, he wondered for a moment if he was still dreaming. That smell was _Steve;_ there was no denying it. Even in that dream, that much had been apparent. How could he still be breathing it in?

How…?

But then yesterday’s events trickled back into his memory. El’s void visit. Dustin’s phone call. Steve turning up at the door which Billy promptly slammed in his face. A whole evening of anxiety and stress before _finally_ they’d spoken at all.

A kiss…

Billy opened his eyes and looked up at the sleeping face of Steve Harrington. He was here. He was really here and Billy almost wanted to pinch himself just to double check. 

Staying perfectly still, Billy looked at the other man in the pale morning light. His hair was shorter than it had been but, even now pressed into the pillows, it still had the old Harrington volume. Billy remembered last night when he’d put his hand in it; remembered that amazing feeling of silk between his fingers.

His cheeks were scarred but it was nothing like the _Frankenstein_ reference Billy had so stupidly made last night. He winced at the comparison as his eyes traced the intricate patterns. Like Steve had said, they were fully healed, possibly having been among the first of his surgeries. Remembering how his face had torn -how his jaw had unhinged and those _teeth_ had broken free of their confines- Billy was amazed how strangely beautiful these scars managed to look.

Maybe it was just the _Steve_ effect. The man that lay entwined with him could never be anything but beautiful. Thinking even further back -back to before Billy had known about the Upside Down- the other man had done a pretty good job of making the cuts and bruises from their fight at the Byers’ house look good.

Yeah… Steve was just beautiful. No matter what you did to him.

For the longest time, Billy simply lay there, his own breath matching the gentle rise and fall of the other man’s chest. Sky blue eyes followed the silvery trails down from his face under the fabric of _his_ shirt. He couldn’t help but wonder…

How bad was it?

“Good morning,” a soft, breathy voice hummed out and Billy looked back up into gorgeously dark eyes. A smile glimmered there for a moment before bursting across the older man’s face and Billy was powerless as it took hold of his own as well.

“You’re really here…” he breathed, stating the fucking obvious like an idiot. Steve huffed a small laugh and leaned closer to touch his nose against Billy’s.

“I’m really here…” he confirmed and Billy’s breath shuddered before he crossed the final distance between them and sealed their lips together.

It should have been gross, to be honest. Neither of them had brushed their teeth and, as far as Billy knew, Steve hadn’t been able to do his before bed either thanks to his own shitty hosting skills.

But it wasn’t. Billy closed his eyes and let Steve push him backwards; roll him onto his back and crowd closer and closer. The kisses, that started off slow and languid, quickly heated up as both men’s hands started to explore; reacquainting themselves with one another. Billy push his hands up the front of Steve’s shirt and felt the soft skin beneath. As his hands mapped out the long-unseen landscape, Billy could feel the varying textures. He knew there would be scars but he didn’t care. This was Steve and Steve was perfect. He was beautiful and he was _here_.

A small gasp escaped him when Steve started to kiss his way from his lips down his jaw. Propped up on his elbows, the older man’s hands were buried deep in Billy’s hair.

“I missed you...” Billy sighed out the confession as Steve’s lips paused barely an inch from his skin. “I _really_ missed you...”

Steve moved back up to look him in the eye now. The scorching heat was already cooling to a gentle warmth but, right now, Billy was okay with it.

“I missed you too,” Steve replied and it sounded like so much _more_ than what he was actually saying. A gentle hand moved from Billy’s hair to run softly down his cheek. Steve’s eyes roamed freely over him and Billy didn’t shy away from it. “God... Billy, I missed you so much...” Steve sighed and leaned back down to press another brief kiss to Billy’s lips. “I missed you. I missed us…” his thumb traced the crescent beneath Billy’s cheek; the place where Neil’s ring had once left its mark on him. “I missed everything…”

Barely remembered doubts from yesterday were a thing of the past now. Billy sighed as he closed his eyes to the feeling of the other man. He was here. He wanted this; had been longing for this. He’d been wanting it as much as Billy had all these years.

It was insane and miserable and beautiful all at once.

 _I love you_. The words were right there, if only Billy could reach for them. Hadn’t he spent all this time missing and loving Steve? Hadn’t he accepted that Steve was the love of his life? Opening his eyes again, he saw the pure light that was Steve Harrington as he looked down at him. It was beautiful and perfect.

Like his dream last night, he didn’t want to break it. He didn’t want to push too hard; push too far. While ‘I love you’ was true and how he felt, it was a lot. After everything that had happened yesterday, it might have been too much. Billy smiled up at the other man, basking in his light.

No. He wouldn’t risk it. He wouldn’t push for more than was being offered.

There was a gentle knocking at the door and, after quickly dipping down to press one last kiss to the corner of Billy’s mouth, Steve rolled off him. As Billy rolled to face the door, Puppy leapt up from her spot and wiggled over at the gradually growing gap.

“Shh! Puppy, wait!” Nancy hissed, her face just about visible between the door and its frame. Billy smiled as he watched her waving the little dog off before straightening up to look over at them. “Sorry guys-!” she whispered even though Steve was now sitting up and her eyes were locked with Billy’s. “Are we good to use the bathroom? Dustin’s been moaning for about half an hour,” she continued and Billy could see the small smile in the corner of her mouth.

“Sure. Let the little _ballbag_ in,” Billy smirked and suddenly the door was flung all the way open and Dustin was bursting in.

“Nuh-uh! Just because Steve is back, doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole again!” the not-so-little twerp snapped, jabbing a finger in Billy’s direction.

With a short bark of a laugh, Billy sat up, scratching his nails through his beard in a pointed gesture.

“I won’t be an asshole if you don’t be a _ballbag_!” he snarked, jutting out his chin for good measure, and he watched, after a half beat, realisation visibly dawning on the younger boy.

“You were awake!” he gasped dramatically and Billy cackled at the look of horror that was fast overtaking his whole face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear there is more planned plot but it just took a lot to get this down.  
> Will try to focus and do better!! <3


	6. msitengaM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With being back at work [ish] and my varying moods, the only way I can do this story justice is to upload smaller chapters.  
> I hope this is okay but I'd hate to rush and upload garbage!!

“I can just wear what I wore yesterday, you know,” Steve smiled, eyes lingering briefly on the small pile of his belongings that he’d left on top of Billy’s drawers last night. Drawn in like the powerless creature he was, Billy moved to stand close behind the older man. As his arms reached out to encircle the brunette’s waist, Steve hummed out a happy sigh and relaxed into the hold. Fuck. It felt so good; so soft and perfect. “I mean… I’m guessing that’s what the others will be doing anyway…” he continued and Billy nodded once, leaning in to rest his chin on the other man’s shoulder.

The sounds of the shower running next door served as a stark reminder that they weren’t alone right now; that the very person using up all the hot water also kept a change of clothes in his apartment.

“Dustin’ll get changed,” he said shortly, his cheeks already starting to feel a little heated. Steve turned his head in an attempt to meet his eye but Billy simply shifted his chin downwards to press a light kiss where he was leaning. It was pretty embarrassing how he and the not-so-little dweeb had gotten so close. “He keeps some of his shit here. Just in case,” he added with a shrug as if it wasn’t a big deal. As if that kind of shit was normal.

“You two really bonded, huh?” the older man said and the softness of his smile made the words sound a fraction less humiliating; made it feel a little less like Billy was a 20 year old man with a 16 year old as his best friend/surrogate brother/adopted child/whatever the fuck he was.

“Yeah… Guess we had some shit in common…” Billy huffed, chancing a glance at the other man. Goddamn. The smile he was wearing was enough to hold Billy’s gaze right there. He was so beautiful it made his heart hurt.

“I guess you did…” Steve smiled and Billy couldn’t help but join in; lingering feeling of embarrassment be damned. His arms tightened around the other man and, once again, Steve hummed appreciatively. “I’m glad. Dustin… he really was a mess back then…” a small laugh sighed out of those beautiful lips and he leaned in to rest his temple against Billy’s.

Honestly…. How the fuck did he do _anything_ before all this? How on earth did he fight against otherworldly monster while _this_ was by his side? Just standing there in the middle of his pokey, little bedroom, Billy was mesmerised. Steve was just too distracting to be allowed.

“He’s _still_ a mess now,” he replied with all the faked ease of a man who _wasn’t_ entirely captivated by the other’s beauty. “Don’t think the little shit will ever get laid…” he continued, running his tongue over his teeth provocatively.

“Gross, man! He’s like… _Twelve_!”

“He’s sixteen, sweetheart. My cherry was long gone by his age,” Billy overexaggerated, finally letting himself turn his head so he could murmur those words into the older man’s ear; whispering them there like they were some kind of promise.

“Mine too but Dustin isn’t like us!” Steve sighed and Billy felt his grin stretching out.

“Not at all,” he purred, pressing a kiss just below the other’s ear.

“Billy-!” Steve breathed but the sound of the shower shutting off was enough to break the spell that had barely had a chance to take hold.

Keeping his arms around the older man, Billy simply leaned back away, eyes flicking over to the bathroom door. It was fine. Dustin knew. So long as they weren’t actually _doing anything_ this was fine. All the same, he could feel the slight tension in the other man’s body; he had definitely clocked it too.

“Just… borrow something of mine,” he sighed, giving Steve one last squeeze before stepping back away to release him. It was ridiculous how instantaneously he _felt_ the distance between them; already like he was missing something without a point of contact with him. “I’m sure something in the closet will fit you,” he added, powering through the feeling.

With a brief glance back at Billy that suggested that maybe it wasn’t a one-sided clinginess that he was feeling, Steve headed over to the closet, opening the doors and rifling through like he owned the place. Even with the slight dip in his stomach at the sudden absence of closeness, Billy had to smile as he watched the other man appraising his clothes. It was so fucking domestic; something that he and Steve had never really had before he’d died. 

It felt good.

Yesterday’s flush of embarrassment flared back up as Billy’s eyes drifted down to the mess on the bedroom floor. Taking Steve’s current distraction as his chance, he quickly scooped everything up and dumped it all in the laundry basket. There was a real chance that at least some of it was clean enough to wear again but right now he didn’t’ want to draw too much attention to it all.

He was about to grab something simple for himself to wear from the drawers but there was suddenly a small gasp that snatched his attention right away from such mundanities.

“You kept it,” Steve said softly, his eyes wide and downcast.

Billy’s eyes followed the length of the other man’s arm to see what had provoked that reaction. Having reached the last few items on the rack, Steve was now holding out a royal blue sleeve.

The suit; the June Ball suit that Dustin had found. Apparently, he’d gone back the following year to try and find its white partner but someone else must have bought it. Billy remembered feeling a little relieved when Dustin explained that; the kid hardly had the money to be buying expensive tuxes that no one was ever going to wear.

“Yeah… Dustin found it in the store you guys bought it from…” Billy explained as Steve pulled the whole hanger out of the closet and examined it. “Your parents must have returned it…”

“My parents…”

“Yeah…” Billy sighed. God… there really was so much they needed to talk about. Mr and Mrs Harrington weren’t exactly where he thought they’d start but… “They -ah- sold up not long after- _you know_ …” he explained shortly and Steve nodded, carefully putting his tux back in its place.

“After I died?” he asked flatly and Billy nodded.

“Think your uncle lives there now. The one your dad wasn’t going to sell to."

“Uncle Joe…” Steve clarified, eyes still focused on the inside of the closet though it was obvious he wasn’t really looking at anything in particular anymore. There was a stagnant pause before he looked back in Billy’s direction, a pained look in his beautiful eyes. “Did they care? I mean- Did they even-?” he caught himself and shook his head.

Billy’s feet carried him across the room before he even knew it. Once again, he was pulling Steve into his arms; this time with them chest to chest. Bowing his head, Steve wrapped his arms around him and let out a shuddering sigh.

“Of course they did, beautiful,” Billy whispered, running a hand gently through the other man’s hair. “You mom was a mess at the funeral and your dad-” he stalled for something to say. By all accounts, _Mrs_ Harrington had, indeed, been a total basket case at the funeral. Billy had been too busy with his own shit but had since learned about how she’d gotten hammered and practically thrown herself at Tommy H. To all people who didn’t know the _true_ cause of Steve’s ‘passing’, it had been a real scandal.

 _Mr_ Harrington, however, had been a different story. The elder Harrington had simply stayed silent through the whole affair. Even after his wife had made a move on one their son’s peers, he’d simply taken her home without so much as a word.

Not long after the funeral, Billy was hearing about the Harringtons packing up for somewhere new despite Nancy’s efforts to shield him from that shit.

“You said he was never gunna sell that place to your uncle, right?” Billy breathed, blindly pulling on an old memory. There was a time where he knew their every conversation by heart -where he did little more than torture himself with what they’d had- but now he felt like he was clutching at straws. “He must have been hurting real bad to give it up. Man seemed awful proud,” he finished, the reality of his guess hitting him as he spoke.

Steve nodded, a breathy sigh escaping him as he did so. His arms coiled around Billy’s waist and pulled him closer for a moment as he gently pressed a single kiss to the side of Billy’s neck.

“I suppose I’ll have to call them, right? Let them know I’m alive,” he hummed and Billy nodded.

“I guess so,” he agreed. He _did_ have to… right? They were absent and shitty but they were his _parents_ , right? Surely they had a right to know.

But then the image of Neil Hargrove flickered to life in Billy’s mind. Those cold eyes. Those thin, wicked lips. Would Billy want to tell _him_ that he was alive when presumed otherwise? Would Neil even give a shit?

“I don’t know…” Steve breathed out and Billy was right there with him. The Harringtons were awful parents; a terrible mixture of having too high expectations, failing to see the perfection that their son had to offer and the simple fact that they just _weren’t there_ for the older man. Did they really have any right?

“You don’t have to decide that right away,” Billy whispered, turning his head to press a kiss into the other man’s thick, silken hair. “You’ve not even been back a full day yet…”

He would have said more. He would have kept holding him and kissing him until Steve felt better again.

But the click from lock of the bathroom door caused them both to jump and instinctively separate once again. Even as he did it, Billy felt fucking stupid for it. It was only Dustin and they both knew that he knew about everything back then…

It was fucking stupid.

“Think you’re out of hot water, Billy!” Dustin grinned as he and a cloud of steam burst out of the bathroom. Scampering along beside him was Puppy whose fur was all damp and curly from the water vapour.

“You took my fucking dog in the bathroom with you while you showered?!” Billy exclaimed and Dustin held his hands up as if to shield himself from the explosion that he fucking well deserved.

“Hey- Hey-! _She_ followed _me_ in! It’s not my fault if your dog is a pervert!” the younger boy snapped back as Puppy raced over to shake off near Billy and Steve.

“Woah!” Steve laughed as Billy simply glared at the dweeb in front of him.

Dustin stared defiantly back, hands planted firmly on his hips like he had something to prove. The little asshole was showing off for Steve; that much was clear. At least he’d had the decency to change into his spare clothes rather than swan out in a towel. That was the last thing anyone fucking needed right now.

“Just- Be useful and take her out so she can shit!” Billy growled, pointing in the direction of the door.

“Okay but-!” Dustin started, holding up a finger like he had a fucking point to make. “I’m only doing this because I care about her! Not because you told me to!”

And, with a few coos and clicks of his fingers, the whirlwind of bullshit that was Dustin Henderson headed out of the room, the door closing behind him the moment Puppy was clear.

For a moment, Billy simply stood there feeling pretty shell-shocked from the whole experience of dealing with Dustin. The mood had certainly flipped in an instant and he felt like he had a case of emotional whiplash.

Looking up, his eyes met Steve’s and they simply stared at one another for a couple of beats before finally chuckling at the absurdity of it all.

“Like I said: You two _really_ bonded, didn’t you?” Steve laughed and Billy rolled his eyes.

“Just find something to wear, smartass. A tux is a bit much,” he grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More conversations _will_ be coming!


	7. yticirtcelE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently there was a burst of vigour!! Fingers crossed for more of that!!

Breakfast was a loud, bustling affair. After calling Larry to let him know he wouldn’t be in due to a ‘family emergency’, Billy and Nancy had taken charge in the kitchen, pulling together the limited ingredients Billy had to form something edible. Dustin took Puppy and the now dressed Steve on a walk around the block while Jonathan did what he could in a bathroom that _definitely_ had no hot water left. While they cooked, Nancy had been all smiles, nudging Billy with her elbow and sharing fond looks but not pressing for information.

It was like she could tell it was all too new still; like she knew that neither Billy nor Steve knew where they were just yet.

By the time the food was ready, they were all back together again, noisily gathering in the kitchen area with Steve and Dustin sitting at Joyce’s table. For the first time since 1985’s June Ball, Billy couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. As he looked around at the people gathered in his apartment, he felt so fucking happy.

It was like a goddamn dream.

“So you two are living together now?” Steve asked, looking up at Nancy and Jonathan. “How’s that working out?”

Both of them made a face, noticed the other and then both started to laugh at some shared joke that the others weren’t on the right wavelength to understand.

“It’s been great,” Nancy smiled after a couple of seconds. “I think growing up with a brother helped prepare me a little for living with a man. Mike always left gross, wet towels in the bathroom too!” she continued, looking pointedly at Jonathan like there had been that kind of incident in recent memory.

“It was one time, Nance! I’m not _that_ bad!” Jonathan snickered, shouldering his girlfriend affectionately.

“Your mother would be shocked at some of the horror stories I have to tell!” Nancy giggled, knocking him with a quick, little hip-bump in return.

“I was half expecting to come back to find you two married,” Steve said lightly but the other two froze like deer in headlights. Both Dustin and Billy caught the moment and laughed loudly, Billy moving over to clap Jonathan on the shoulder.

“Yeah, Jon. You had the talk with Ted yet?” he grinned and Jonathan shoved him away with an over-exaggerated look of annoyance.

“Nah! My money is on Mike having _the talk_ with Hopper before Jonathan here gets round to making an honest woman of Nancy!” Dustin joined in and Billy shuddered at the thought.

“Woah, woah, woah! If he wants to marry El, _I_ will have to sign off on it too!” he objected and now Dustin was the only one laughing.

“You know it’ll happen! El always talks about how they ‘fit’!” Dustin went on and Billy couldn’t help but glance in Steve’s direction. Brown eyes were already looking his way and he watched as the older man’s expression shifted ever so slightly. He was looking at Billy like no time had passed at all; like he was the only person in the room.

“You guys are only sixteen, Dustin,” Nancy started, a pretty, pink flush gracing her cheeks. “If me and Jonathan aren’t thinking about things like marriage yet, _you_ definitely don’t have to be worrying about it.”

“Yeah…” Jonathan chuckled, his chin tilted downwards a little like his old shyness was creeping back up on him. Nancy, clearly hearing it too, reached out and took his free hand in hers, giving it a visible squeeze.

Clearing his throat, Billy pushed up off the counter he’d been leaning on and started to collect up the plates. Without prompting, Steve also stood, grabbing his and Dustin’s shit and meeting Billy at the sink. The other three continued to chatter away as the two men stood side by side, watching the sink fill with what little water had managed to heat up after Dustin’s shower.

“You good?” Billy asked and Steve sighed.

“It’s nice… Being back; it’s really nice,” the brunette replied quietly, eyes fixed on the water as it continued to rise. “The others are making it feel like I never… _left_ , you know?” he continued but there was a sigh in his voice.

“You picked a good bunch of friends…” Billy commented but Steve shook his head.

“ _You_ picked them too, Billy,” he answered pointedly as Billy reached out and turned off the tap. Lowering his voice even more, the older man continued: “They’re more your friends than mine now…”

Billy glanced behind them but the other three had moved to the sitting area, Nancy on the floor fussing Puppy while the two boys chatted happily away. The mood was so light and care-free but Billy _knew_ how much each of them had been affected by Steve’s absence. They were smiling now but it was probably strange and uncomfortable for them too.

“You know that’s not true,” he replied quietly. Steve shrugged at this but Billy turned to face him properly. “Steve…” he said, forcing the older man to look him in the eye. “We were _all_ broken when you died. At the time I was pretty caught up in my own shit but-” he spared the others another quick glance, “- _everyone_ had a hard time with it. Hell, why do you think me and _Dustin Henderson_ became such good friends?”

“Dustin did..?”

“He was a wreck, Steve. Just like me. You were, like, his _idol_ or something,” Billy went on, hands taking hold of Steve’s and holding them tightly. “You notice how he’s here and not with the other nerds, right? He missed you. His whole world shifted when you died.”

Steve bowed his head sadly but Billy wouldn’t allow it. He had to know how much it had affected them all; he had to know how much they all cared. Keeping hold of one hand, Billy brought his other up to gently guide Steve’s chin back up to look at him again.

“My world shifted too…” he continued, looking deep into those beautiful eyes. “It was like a nightmare, Steve. I felt like I’d lost everything…”

“Billy…” Steve hummed and the younger man couldn’t help but answer him with a kiss; a simple reassurance that it was true and that he was cared for. Steve hummed lightly as Billy drew back just enough for them to rest their foreheads together.

“Ahem,” the forced clearing of Dustin’s throat sharply brought them back to reality.

In an instant, Steve was moving away, pushing a hand through his hair and looking anywhere but at Billy. Billy turned briefly to see Dustin and Nancy looking at the two of them while Jonathan was suddenly fascinated by the fireplace.

Oh yeah. They weren’t alone.

Billy looked back over at Steve and could see the red tinge to his cheeks. He still wasn’t looking in Billy’s direction but looked like he had no idea what to do with himself. In that moment, Billy couldn’t for the life of him figure why on earth it mattered that he’d just kissed Steve in front of the others. They all knew; had known even back _before_ Steve had ‘died’. Honestly, there was no point in hiding anything, right?

It was now or never.

Billy reached out for Steve’s waist, guiding him back to stand close to him again. Steve resisted a little, a look of worry on his face as his eyes flashed back over at their friends.

“Billy-!” he started but Billy hushed him with a finger on his lips.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked calmly, repeating Steve’s question from last night.

And, with that, Steve’s eyes finally came back to his and a moment passed in which Billy could _see_ the worry and hesitation draining from the other man’s eyes. After only a few blinks, only love and warmth filled those deep, dark pools and Steve nodded with a shy smile.

“Yeah…” he sighed and Billy leaned in once again.

Keeping it chaste and sweet, he kissed Steve in front of the others. Dustin made a predictably stupid gross-out noise but Billy could hear the sound of smacking and knew Nancy was dealing with it. He brought a hand up to cup Steve’s cheek when he tried to pull away all too quickly.

This time, they weren’t going to hide. This time, they weren’t going to waste a second. Steve was back and Billy was going to love him as much as he should have done back when he was a teenager.

When they finally separated, Billy felt quite breathless. Both the kiss and the nerves of exposing them were a lot. Thankfully, Steve was right there with him, a soft, beautiful smile on his lips.

“I think it’s time we go and visit my parents. My mom will be mad if we come home and don’t at least drop by for a catch up,” Nancy said quietly and Billy turned to see her already collecting up her things. Jonathan took the cue and did likewise whereas Dustin was still on his knees on the couch, staring at them.

“You really are gay for each other, aren’t you?” the not-so-little dweeb breathed and Nancy cuffed him on the back of the head resulting in a shocked, “Hey-!”

“Yeah, _ballbag_ , we’re ‘really gay for each other’,” Billy grinned back, making sure to show his teeth in the way that made his smiles look more demented. While he loved the curly-haired asshole, he wasn’t above kicking his ass if he suddenly went all homophobic on them. “What did you think we did together? _Knit_?!” and to that Steve let out a short burst of a laugh.

“Knowing it and seeing it are two different things!” Dustin shot back, hands going to his hips. “It’s gross!” and as he said it, his whole face scrunched up like someone had smeared shit under his nose or something.

This was new.

“Seriously, Henderson?” Billy felt a frown forming deep on his brow. “You suddenly have a problem?”

Nancy and Jonathan had stopped collecting their things and were both looking at the younger boy with shock on their faces. If it wasn’t for the Matches’ unified reaction, Billy knew he’d be a lot less in control. While he was just a High Schooler and Billy _shouldn’t_ care what he thought, this sudden change in opinion hurt.

“You were fine about it back when I told you, Dustin…” Steve offered and suddenly Dustin’s eyes were going wide. His hands came up quickly and waved in front of him like he was trying to put out a fire of his own creation.

“Oh god, no!” he yelped, jumping up from the couch and moving round it to stand in front of them. “No! Not the _gay_ thing!” he continued, arms still flapping.

“ _Not the gay thing_?” Billy snarled back, his voice low and dangerous. He didn’t want to fire off at Dustin -not when Steve had only just come back- but, goddamn, he was feeling all kinds of hurt right now.

“No! Billy-!” Dustin said again, looking Billy right in the eye. There was panic there on a level Billy would usually associate with news from the Upside Down or an unexpected Pop Quiz. “It’s the _kissing_ thing! Watching you kiss is like watching _my mom_ kiss, you know?” he tried to explain and Billy could see Steve start to relax. “It’s gross because it’s you guys… Not because _you’re guys_ , you know?” he continued and Billy could feel the anger and hurt fading away again.

“God, Dustin…” Jonathan sighed, running his hand over his face in a despairing gesture.

“Billy, come on! You know I’m totally down with the gay thing!” Dustin carried on, his voice sounding more like a plea now. “It’s just that… You’re-” he stopped himself, cheeks flushing as he glanced back at the other two behind him. “You’re like a brother to me or whatever… It’s gross watching you kiss _anyone_ …”

There was silence as Billy took this in. Sure, this explanation fit the mental image of Dustin that Billy had much better than the suddenly anti-homo one that he’d initially thought of but…

“Nancy and Jonathan kiss all the time…”

“And that’s just as gross! No offense, guys,” Dustin interrupted, waving at them half-heartedly.

“We’re gunna kiss, Dustin. I don’t wanna hide like we did before,” Billy said, eyes flitting over to Steve as he spoke. The older man paused for a moment before nodding and stepping forward.

“We promise to keep it clean but, yeah… We’re not going to hide this time…” he agreed, reaching out and taking Billy’s hand again.

Dustin’s eyes looked down to where the two of them were connected. A huge grin spread over his face as he looked back up at them.

“So… you _are_ together again then?” he asked gleefully as if they weren’t in the middle of a super serious discussion.

Without needing to speak with the brunette, Billy felt the confirmation in the gentle squeeze of his hand. Yeah… they were doing this. Like Steve had said way back in the locker room the day after their first kiss: He was in. They were both in.

“We are,” Billy and Steve both said at the same time and, fuck, if that wasn’t perfect.

The moment they said it, Nancy let out a little whoop of happiness like she just couldn’t hold it in. Dustin’s smile only seemed to grow as he rushed forwards and wrapped his arms around the two of them. The next moment, both Nancy and Jonathan were joining in; all of them crowding together in a laughing, happy pile of idiots.

In the end, they all separated and Nancy, Jonathan and Dustin left, taking Puppy with them.

“Come on, Puppy!” Dustin cooed as he headed out the door, holding onto the little dog’s leash. “You’re staying with Uncle Dusty! Yes you are! Now we’ll have no chasing Tews this time! You don’t want Grandma to get mad!”

The door closed behind them and Billy and Steve were finally alone.

Billy, who had been standing by the front door to see them out, turned to face the other man. There was a tense moment in which they both just held position. Static crackled between them and Billy was far beyond wondering if Steve felt it too.

In seconds, they both came together, mouths crashing against one another and hands flying everywhere. Billy groaned at the sudden rush of _everything_ as Steve’s tongue pushed inside his mouth. _Fuck_ … It was so good.

Like before, Billy’s hands pushed up and under the shirt that Steve had borrowed from his closet, fingertips tracing over the scars that he had yet to see in any great detail. Steve moaned into his mouth, his own hands roughly gripping Billy’s belt and steering him towards the couch.

Together they tumbled sideways onto it in a tangle of limbs and lips and moans. It was graceless, desperate and messy but it was perfect, given their circumstances. As Steve started to mouth his way down Billy’s neck, Billy felt his breath coming short. All of the blood in his body seemed to be rushing southward in a way that, frankly, it just hadn’t done in all too long.

Through kisses and caresses, the fumbled their way into a good position with Steve leaning over Billy who was lying stretched out on his back. With two handfuls of Steve’s glorious ass, Billy pulled him impossibly close, the thigh that he’d positioned between the younger man’s leg creating a much-needed friction.

“Fuck… Steve…” Billy gasped as the older man once again kisses and licked and bit at his neck. Every touch, every move, from him was magic; igniting a fire in Billy that only Steve Harrington had access to. His cock was fully hard as he pushed his hips up against the firm pressure of the other man’s thigh.

“I missed you so much Billy…” Steve breathed against his kiss-dampened skin. “God… I’ve missed this… You’re so sexy…”

And Billy _melted_ with the praise. Everything was impossibly hot; his whole body felt like it was burning up. As his rolled his hips upwards again and again, he felt jolt after jolt of pleasure building up. It was all happening so fast but Billy was totally lost in it.

“Steve…” he whined and, on the next upwards thrust, he felt the white-hot pleasure surge out of him, filling his jeans with his spend.

Panting and flushed, Steve pushed up from the couch and looked down at the other man in amazement. Billy knew he should be embarrassed. They’d barely started and he’d already blown his load.

 _Don’t cream your pants_. That snarky line was going to follow them for the rest of their days.

Billy laughed, bring a hand to cover his eyes. He really _should_ be embarrassed but -goddamn- it felt so good and he felt so fucking _relieved_.

“Did you just-?” Steve spluttered and Billy laughed all the more; breathless and high though it was.

“Yeah, beautiful,” he chuckled and Steve joined him.

“That fast?” Steve pressed cheekily and Billy uncovered his eyes to look up at the object of his desire.

“Yeah. _That fast_ ,” he answered, reaching up to cup either side of Steve’s face and pull him back down for another kiss. After _that_ , his whole body felt floppy and useless. Anyone would think he’d just survived a marathon of vigorous _fucking_ , not barely five minutes of dry humping on the couch. Goddamn, Steve had barely touched him. “I’m just glad it still works…” he added by way of explanation when Steve pushed off again to look down at him.

“Was it likely not to?” he asked and Billy sighed happily.

“Not exactly had much use…” he admitted. Hell, last time he’d tried to…

His eyes widened the moment his mind started down that train of thought. _Last time_. Last time he was on this couch; moving into the bedroom. That last, humiliating time...

“You okay?” Steve asked, seeing the change in Billy’s face.

Awkwardly scooting up the couch, Billy sat up to face the other man. Steve moved back to give him room, watching him with concern and confusion melding in his all-too-expressive face. Fuck.

He’d forgotten about Eric.

“Billy?” Steve breathed and Billy bit his bottom lip.

No hiding. No lying. They were doing this right this time. They weren’t going to waste any time with misunderstandings and stupid teenage shit.

“I’ve… been seeing someone…” Billy confessed, a pit forming in his stomach. Fuck…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the _important_ stuff!!
> 
> Also... sorry Billy!! ^_^'''


	8. esle enoemoS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important talks.  
> I think there are two chapters left after this, folx. ^_^  
> I've already got a hardcore plan for the next Harringrove fiction and, while not Irreversible Change length, I think it might be another long one. ^_^'''  
> Hope to see some of you there!! I'm well excited.  
>  ~~Now to brush up on my knowledge of Season 3....~~

Steve wore Billy’s confession like a Venetian mask; beautiful and miserable in the stillness of his expression. The room hung with the weight of it all as they both held still.

“Steve?” Billy breathed if only to fill the silence. Right in his gut, he knew this could go badly. He remembered how broken up _King Steve_ had been about Nancy when he’d first moved to Hawkins. He remembered how Steve held that pain close even when he was _thinking_ about moving on with Billy.

The thought of there being _someone else_ -or, in this case, Steve _being_ that someone else- was a painful one.

“You’ve been seeing someone,” Steve finally repeated, sitting back on his heels, the couch dipping further with the shift of his weight.

The way he held himself now, the tone of his voice; the news hit him as hard as it could, that much was clear as day. Sucker-punched him right in the gut and took the wind out of him. 

“Yeah…” Billy sighed, shifting back so that he could give the other man space. It was the last thing he wanted but this wasn’t about him. This was about Steve.

He only wanted to make him okay again; to go back to that happy perfect place they’d been before he’d ruined it all.

“Is it a girl?” Steve asked after another, agonisingly long, silence.

The question caught Billy quite off guard. He looked into the other man’s face but the expression was searching and sincere.

“What-?” he asked, not really having the words right away.

“You used the word ‘someone’…” Steve explained, a hand running through his head as he huffed a small breath of embarrassment; of discomfort. In any other situation, it could be misconstrued as a laugh but Billy knew better. “You said your world got turned around… I thought-”

“Not _that_ much, sweetheart,” he soothed, reaching out for the other man’s hand and trying not to let it hurt when Steve moved it away.

“Don’t-” the brunette started, getting up off the couch onto his feet. Now standing, he started to pace right away; first heading towards the door in a way that half-convinced Billy he was leaving before he turned and headed right back. “You shouldn’t call me that if you have a boyfriend.”

“I… I wouldn’t call him _that_ ,” Billy replied without thinking. That was right, _right_? Eric _wasn’t_ his boyfriend. They’d never called themselves that. They’d never talked about it or anything. Even Dustin, Max and El never ventured as far as to call Eric _that_.

“How long have you been seeing him?” Steve countered, not missing a beat.

“Ah…” Billy hesitated. It _had_ been a while… In his mind’s eye, he could see Eric; all kindness and patience. He was… he had been so good to Billy. Guilt muddied up his blood; pumping through his whole body and consuming him.

Thoughts of going back to that fake perfection -going back to kissing and touching and keeping Steve in the dark- turned to ash inside his mind. Eric deserved so much better than that. _Steve_ deserved better than that.

“Since July,” he admitted, hands clenching on the couch cushion below him.

The ghost of the old aches shot up his scarred forearms. He was messing this all up again. He really was a piece of shit.

“That’s three months, Billy,” Steve breathed and the younger man bit his lip.

“Yeah…” he exhaled. Goddamn, how could he _forget_ about Eric? How could he forget him and just act like nothing had changed?

“He’s your boyfriend,” Steve said like that was just one of the facts of life: you see someone for three months, you’re their boyfriend.

“I… It’s been…” Billy forced out. God… what could he say? Eric was wonderful, really, but… He looked up at Steve and, even in this shitty situation, he felt his heart swell. That warmth from earlier wasn’t a lie. This was Steve. “Eric’s a great guy but it’s always been…” Billy tried again but everything he said –everything he _thought_ \- felt like a betrayal that Eric simply hadn’t earned.

Eric was a good guy; a _great_ guy. Billy had thought that he could be _his_ guy…

“Billy…” Steve sighed, moving to stand in front of the fireplace.

Mute, Billy watched as the older man examined the knick-knacks that he’d assembled on the mantle; the makeshift shrine to the boy that, until now, Billy had thought was gone forever. He watched as Steve picked up his own Mix, turning the case over to look at the track list that Billy had written out one day as a bit of self-prescribed therapy.

Billy remembered that day. Alone up in Hopper’s attic, he’d been having one of his ‘bad days’; had been consumed by it. Had listened to Steve’s Mix on repeat just to cry and pace and clutch at his covers. Writing out the track list had been an attempt at giving himself something to do.

It hadn’t worked.

“You pissed?” he breathed as Steve set the box down. Perfect shoulders slumped as Steve turned back to face him. He gave a shrug, eyes avoiding, mouth downturned.

“I don’t have any right to be,” he said flatly. Billy stood up, wanting to move closer; wanting to hold Steve and kiss that expression away.

“Steve…” he tried but this movement seemed to spark something in the other man.

“But- You should have _said_ something!” Steve spluttered, hand shooting out to ward Billy off; like he couldn’t trust himself if they were too close. “We shouldn’t have done _that_! We shouldn’t have done _anything_!” A hand came up to run through his hair again and, although he knew he shouldn’t, Billy tried one more time.

“Steve, beautiful-” he started, making another half-step towards the other man.

“Please _don’t_ -!” Steve begged, his voice weaker, hand coming out again. He looked so fucking conflicted; striking a perfect, exhausted balance between sad, angry, anxious and everything else. Aside from the look on his face when he _died_ , this may be the worst expression Billy had seen him pull.

“I’ve spent the last two and a half years trying to get over you, Steve!” Billy shot back, desperate to somehow make it right again. He had to explain himself. He was an asshole but there were fucking reasons. Admittedly, there were always fucking reasons but _Steve_ deserved to hear them.

This wasn’t about Billy making himself look better. This was about Steve.

“When you died I- I thought I’d be alone forever!” he started again, needing to put it all into words. Needing to use the right words so that Steve wouldn’t pull that face anymore; so that he’d just be mad at Billy and not blame himself for any of it.

“Billy-”

“God… I didn’t even _want_ to move on! Not really. I guess… I knew I just _had_ to. Missing you all the time was killing me…” he continued, all of the emotions from that time bubbling up under the skin. God… A pathetic part of him wished that Dustin hadn’t taken Puppy away. She was always so good at sensing his moods and just appearing at his feet or in his lap. “… And then Eric came along in July and I just- Fuck!” he tried again but tears were brimming up in his eyes and it was just too fucking much.

Goddamn. This wasn’t supposed to be about _him_. This was about Steve.

“It’s okay, Billy. It’s okay that you found someone,” Steve said softly but he just didn’t sell it. The hurt and sadness was so fucking clear. Even briefly looking into his eyes, Billy could see that he was tearing up too. “I just wish you’d said something…” the older man ended and Billy knew it was more than that. He knew that Steve was just saying this shit.

He had to be. If he’d been missing Billy even a fraction of how much Billy had been missing him, it couldn’t’ just be about not knowing. Even as he felt less and less in control of himself -of his emotions- Billy knew he’d be fucking devastated if Steve had moved on; if the boot was on the other foot and he was coming back to find Steve with a boyfriend. 

“I wasn’t thinking about _him_ , Steve!” the words forced their way out of Billy like an eruption. It was so fucking shitty - _he_ was so fucking shitty- but it was the truth and Steve needed to hear it. “You come back here, looking like a literal dream come true and…. Fuck! Steve, you’re everything I’ve been fucking _longing_ for all this time!” Billy carried on and he could feel a couple of tears breaking free and skipping down his cheeks. “Of course I wasn’t thinking about Eric! He’s great but he’s _not you_. He could never be _you_!” he continued, wiping the wetness away with the back of his hand.

“Billy… That’s-” Steve said but he was so tired -so weakened- by this whole thing.

Billy stepped forwards again and this time there was no resistance. He took Steve’s hands in his own and just held them between them, thumbs running over the older man’s knuckles. There were silvery scars there too; running up from his fingers under the sleeve of Billy’s shirt. 

Billy remembered how they’d split as he’d kissed them.

“It’s not fair of me to say. I’m a horrible person, Steve. I know. Eric doesn’t deserve-” he continued, bringing a hand up to kiss the back gently. He could feel the tension from the other man but there was no effort to stop him. “I _thought_ I could be with him, you know? I thought that, maybe, _he_ could be the one to help me move on,” he spoke against Steve’s skin, pressing another kiss there as if it could wipe away the scars that he should have never suffered through; as if it could wipe away the hurt that he was causing even now. “But then you come back and I just-”

“It’s just the shock of me coming back,” Steve interrupted, snatching his hands back. “We shouldn’t have done this… I should-”

No. No, he couldn’t allow Steve to this that; couldn’t allow him to rationalise this away. Quick as he’d once been when stealing the ball on the basketball court, Billy took back hold of the retreating hands.

“Don’t do that! Don’t try to explain this away!” he urged, pulling Steve closer again. “Touching you again... Kissing you again… Fuck-! Just _seeing_ you again is fucking everything, Steve!” he emoted, keeping the grip on Steve’s hands firm enough to keep him with him but not enough to hurt. Steve looked into his eyes and it almost looked like it was landing; like he was hearing Billy for what he was saying. “I’ve spent the past three months with Eric really having to _work_ at it; really having to _make_ myself be normal for him,” Billy explained while Steve gave a couple of half-hearted tugs away from him. “Fuck- I really thought my dick was broken because I couldn’t get it up for him! But then you come along and-”

“Billy, I don’t-” Steve tried to argue but Billy shook his head vehemently.

“No-! Just listen!” he snapped and they stared at one another.

Fuck… the glimmer of understanding was fading away; he was losing this. After a lifetime of being told and shown by his parents that he wasn’t enough, Steve was going to bow out; _let_ Billy be with Eric, whether he wanted to or not.

Billy couldn’t have that. Not now that the other man was back and in his hands. He couldn’t lose him again. Never again.

“It’s like I got a taste of a real _Twinkie_ , you know?” he started after a bit of thought. “It was only a couple of good tastes but it was amazing; life changing shit and all that jazz. Like, _Twinkies_ became my favourite _food_ ; not just snack,” he explained and, if the moment weren’t so pivotal, the look of confusion on Steve’s face would be fucking priceless. As it was, Billy just had to soldier on; he had to make Steve understand that he wasn’t in the way of anything; that Billy wasn’t sacrificing the great love of his life to be with him now.

“But then, suddenly, _Twinkies_ were gone. Got discontinued or some shit. And… I just didn’t _want_ anything else. It took me a real long time to even _look_ at the snack isle but, when I did, everything was just store-brand versions…” he continued. Although he looked confused, Steve was staying quiet; letting Billy speak the way that he always had done. Fuck… Billy _couldn’t_ fuck this up. He needed this man in his life.

“So, yeah, when I finally _did_ have a look, I guess I thought I might be ready to try the store-brand ‘cake roll’. Different but… maybe it could be okay, you know? So I tried it and- and it was fine. Hell, it was probably better than that but… I guess I figured I could deal, you know? Maybe the ‘cake rolls’ could be enough?”

The guilt in his system surged up at this comparison but it was the awful truth. Eric _wasn’t_ Steve. For all his good qualities, he just _wasn’t._ There was nothing that he or Billy could do about that.

Horrible and unfair as it was… It was the truth.

“But then suddenly the store is stoking _Twinkies_ again. Yeah, it’s shitty and awful but you _know_ I’m not even _thinking_ about the ‘cake rolls’ anymore. Not when I could have a _Twinkie_. Not when I could have the real thing again.” His chin dipped towards his chest even as he held onto the other man’s hands.

God… It sounded so much more stupid out loud. In his head, it had been a pretty good symbol for what he was trying to fucking say; it made so much sense. Putting _those_ words to it, however, made it sound so much less important. It made it sound like a fucking joke.

“You and your metaphors…” Steve sighed but it was lighter than before.

Billy looked up and there it was… the familiar beautiful glow in Steve’s eyes; the look that just made Billy’s whole being light up.

“I love you Steve,” he breathed, only half meaning to say it. There was a moment’s silence where the words just sat between them. Back before Steve had ‘died’, they’d _only just_ started to say that to each other. While it was true and real, Billy felt his heart start to race. It was too soon. Steve was only just coming back around! “I know it’s been a long time. We’re different people now; _I’m_ a different person. I know that… I know there’s so much we need to talk about but I-” he gabbled but Steve leaned forward to press a single kiss to Billy’s lips, silencing him in an instant.

“I love you too, Billy,” he sighed as he drew back away; too far for Billy to try for more, not that he would right now.

But -oh- how fucking perfect was it to hear those words again? To hear Steve say it and see the truth of it in his face; feel the truth of it in his kiss. Like when they’re stood together in front of the others barely an hour ago, they were back on the same page.

Steve loved him.

“Yeah?” Billy breathed, unable to say anything else.

“Yeah. God-! Billy, _you_ were the thing that got me through the surgeries, the physio; all of it! God… If you only knew…” he trailed off, starting to shy away from Billy’s gaze again.

“Knew what?” Billy pressed, releasing a hand to gently guide him back to face him. Steve hummed and leaned into the touch despite himself.

“Billy…” he sighed and his eyes closed as Billy let his thumb tenderly trace a small section of the scars on his cheek. “First thing I remember- Back when they first got me out of… _that_ state-” he paused, eyes flicking open as if he was checking Billy was still with him. Maintaining eye contact, Billy gave him a simple nod, thumb never stopping as it soothed the older man. “I didn’t know who or what I was, Billy. They didn’t let me see mirrors or anything because of how badly I’d changed so I just- I juts didn’t know…” he breathed, eyes closing again and a hand coming up to hold onto Billy’s keeping him with him like there was a chance in hell that he’d let him go. “But, _slowly_ , I got an image in my head. I could see a face and it was so familiar… I was sure it was me. I was sure it _had to be_ my face…” he explained and, once again, his eyes opened. There was a brief pause in which the older man simply looked at Billy; really _looked_ at him. His eyes traced from Billy’s to his lips and back up to his hair. A soft smile spread over Steve’s beautiful lips. “Blue eyes… tan skin… long, sandy-blonde hair…” he explained and it clicked.

“Steve…” Billy breathed. Again, he didn’t know what to say; didn’t know what to feel.

“I remembered _you_ before I remembered _myself_ Billy. It’s crazy, I know but…” Steve sighed, hand falling away from Billy’s.

“It’s not crazy, Steve…” Billy whispered back with a small shake of his head. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through…” Steve nodded, drawing his lower lip between his teeth for a brief moment before continuing.

“By the time I grasped that it _wasn’t_ me I was remembering… Your face had become, like, a _guiding light_ or something,” a hint of a blush teased under Billy’s palm and Billy couldn’t help but smile. “Remembering you - _loving_ you- brought me back to myself, Billy,” Steve sighed and he leaned in again to rest their foreheads together, a hand coming up to cup Billy’s cheek in a mirror of the younger man.

For a moment, they simply held there. Since his return, they had had several moments like this; both needing just to _be_ with the other. It was beautiful and chaste and precious; more intense and meaningful even than the fiery make out session on the couch.

God… he loved Steve so fucking much. And, for once, it didn’t hurt to feel that way. It _wouldn’t_ hurt anymore. He could love Steve and it would be the beautiful, warm thing that it was always supposed to be. 

“But…” Steve breathed and Billy felt his whole body tense for just a moment. “…we can’t do this. Not while this Eric still thinks you’re together. I can’t- I can’t do that to someone…”

That wasn’t quite the refusal that Billy had braced himself for in that torturous split second. That was just a practical response.

“I know, sweetheart,” Billy breathed, nuzzling closer despite the last thing the other man had said. Their noses touched and Billy let himself indulge in all the eskimo kisses that Steve would allow. “I’m sorry. I- I got caught up in you being back. Between thinking I’d gone crazy and then fucking everything up yesterday… I was just so happy that you were here and that things could feel like they did before… I guess I- I forgot about Eric,” he explained, nose still kissing Steve’s.

“You’re still a real asshole, aren’t you?” Steve huffed out a half-laugh that sounded so much more sincere than it had done when they’d first started to speak.

“Some things never change, I guess?” Billy smiled back.

“I guess so,” Steve replied with all the warmth and love that Billy had been missing. “I love you, Billy.”

“I love you too, Steve.”

\---

They didn’t kiss again. Once they separated, they kept a good couple of feet between them just as a natural deterrent for the both of them.

First order of business was for Billy to change his pants. It was pretty disgusting that the whole heart-to-heart that they’d just shared had had the backdrop of Billy’s own cum drying out in his boxers but, to be honest, it was pretty on brand for the two of them. At least it was for when they were teenagers. They’d been so into one another it had been pretty hard to keep their hands off one another.

Billy couldn’t wait to get back to that place. Especially seeing as his dick was, apparently, not broken at all.

But first thing was first: Billy _had_ to talk to Eric. After a quick discussion, they decided it was best for him to leave a message on Eric’s answering machine and then they both drive to Chicago to speak with him in person. Steve was pretty insistent that this kind of thing needed to be done in person and Billy was not about to argue with him.

“Why am I calling, again?” Billy asked as his hand rested on top of the receiver, ready to lift it. “If we’re going there anyway?”

“You don’t want to blindside him, Billy,” Steve explained. “By the time we get there, he’ll have got back from class and will be expecting us…. Or you…” There was a flash of guilt on his face again but he shook his head quickly. “And you should call Dustin after to make sure that he’s okay to keep Puppy a little longer. Just in case he tries to bring her back when we’re out.”

“Sweetheart, I generally have to go and physically _take_ my dog back from that boy,” Billy smiled, finally lifting the receiver. He quickly dialled the number that he’d long committed to memory. For saying how it was probably the last time he’d be doing it, it didn’t hurt the way it felt like it _should_ have. “For someone who claims to be a ‘cat person’, he really-” he started but stopped mid-sentence when he heard the line connect after only one ring.

“Hello?” Eric’s voice was instantly on the other end.

“Eric-? You’re-?” Billy stammered, really taken aback. His eyes flew to the wall clock as he mentally tried to remember the other man’s schedule. It was Thursday, right? He was supposed to be in class. “Shit, I was expecting your machine…” he stammered, looking over at Steve like he could do a damn thing to help.

“Billy? Yeah, no, I didn’t go to class today. Didn’t sleep all that well,” Eric explained and, now that he’d said it, Billy could hear how tired he sounded. As it to prove his point, the older man yawned, obviously holding the phone away from his mouth as he did so.

“You didn’t?” Billy asked automatically, like he wasn’t just calling to let Eric know he was going to come to his to break up with him. Like he hadn’t just confessed his love to someone else. “Everything alright?”

“You tell me,” Eric countered and, while it wasn’t accusing, Billy knew he was leading into something. What-? “Billy, I got back from the hospital yesterday to find a note from Nancy under my door.”

“A note?” Billy asked. Nancy and Jonathan had made real good time yesterday for saying when Steve arrived at his house. They must have been the first on Dustin’s little telephone round-robin.

“Yeah. It just said that she and Jonathan were going back to Hawkins and that everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about,” Eric explained and Billy exhaled. While it would have sped up the conversation, Eric finding out that Steve was back through a _letter_ was probably not ideal.

Never mind the fact that Billy still had to somehow get over to Chicago to actually have this conversation face-to-face.

“Ah,” he breathed.

“So, naturally, I stayed up all night worrying,” Eric continued and, god, that didn’t sound like the man that Billy had first met. Through all of his bullshit, he really had dragged Eric down with him; relied on him too much and let him absorb too much of his misery.

This really was going to be for the best.

“You did…” Billy breathed. He looked up at Steve and saw the gentle look on his face. He was there. This was for him.

“Yeah… Been napping on and off on the couch all morning. Serena is going to make copies of her notes for me,” Eric explained and Billy nodded stupidly. He just about recognised the name Serena.

“That’s good…” he replied, looking again at Steve.

“Billy?” Eric asked after a short silence and Billy winced.

“Yeah?”

“Talk to me. Something’s up, right?” the older man asked and Billy clenched his free hand into a fist. It was obvious. Of course it was obvious. Even without Nancy leaving a note, Billy knew he was acting like a total freak in this phonecall.

“Yeah… Something’s up…” he admitted. There was another brief silence in which he knew Eric was probably giving him the space he needed to open up.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?” Eric finally asked and Billy shook his head.

“No! I- I was just calling to let you know that _I’m_ coming to _you_ ,” he spluttered.

“You’re coming here?” Eric asked and Billy could just _see_ the look on his face. He sounded so confused and disbelieving.

“I was gunna leave a message. Figured you’d have time to pick it up after class before I arrived,” Billy explained, parroting Steve’s explanation as if they were his own words. Glancing up at Steve he saw another soft smile of encouragement.

“Why are you coming here?” Eric asked cautiously. Again, Billy was being way too fucking sketchy.

“I-” he started. Fuck… what now? “I’ll explain when we get to you,” he tried lamely.

“ _We_? You coming back with the others?” Eric replied, not missing a beat.

Shit. This wasn’t going well.

“No, I- We-” Billy stammered and Steve stood up, crossing over from the table to stand at his side. Gently, he trailed a hand down Billy’s arm and uncurled the fist that he’d made, weaving their fingers together in a symbol of support.

“Billy,” Eric said with a gentle firmness that Billy knew he probably used on his fucking patients. “You have me now. Just talk…”

“We shouldn’t do this on the phone…” Billy tried but, the moment it came out of his mouth, he knew he’d said the wrong thing. There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Eric finally let out a deep sigh.

“You’re ending things with me,” he said; a statement, not a question.

“Eric-” Billy tried but, what could he say? Eric wasn’t stupid. It was fucking obvious.

“Am I wrong?” Eric asked, his voice a little higher than usual. There was a beat in which Billy just couldn’t give an answer and then there was another deep, long-suffering sigh. “Is it because-? Urgh-” the older man caught himself and then there was another pause in which Billy could hear him moving a little on the leather couch he knew sat square in the middle of his lounge. “Why?” he finally asked.

“It’s not you-” Billy tried but was cut short. 

“Billy, please don’t use that line,” Eric said simply. He didn’t sound angry, just disappointed and -goddamn- that hurt so much more than Billy expected. “You’re so much better than that.”

“But it _isn’t_ ,” Billy tried again. It _wasn’t_ Eric’s fault. It was just… “It’s Steve,” he said aloud and Steve gave his hand a gentle squeeze, leaning forward to rest his chin on Billy’s shoulder.

“Steve?” Eric asked, sounding a little confused for a moment. “Steve as in the guy who died? _That_ Steve?” he followed up, clearly making the link in his mind.

“Yeah,” Billy breathed and there was yet another deep sigh on the other end of the line.

“Billy, we can’t keep doing this- _I_ can’t keep doing this…” Eric said and Billy could just see his hand coming up to his temple, rubbing in an stressed manner. “We’ve talked about it. Every time I try to pull away -give you space- you pull me back in. It was you who said that you wanted to try-”

“He’s alive, Eric,” Billy cut in. There was no point in letting the other man torture himself. He needed to rip the band aid off _now_.

Another long pause.

“…What?” Eric asked.

“Steve is alive and… he’s here,” Billy explained, squeezing the aforementioned man’s hand as if proving to himself that he really hadn’t gone mad. That he was here and this was real. “Nancy and Jonathan came back yesterday because they heard. They came back to see him,” he added, knowing it wasn’t really needed.

“But…” Eric started, sounding utterly gobsmacked. Billy couldn’t blame him; his reaction had been way worse. “You said he was _dead_.”

“I thought he was,” he replied.

“But he’s not?” Eric pressed and Billy shook his head with his answer.

“No.”

“And he’s there with you?” Eric continued and Billy turned his head to the side like he fucking needed to check. His eyes met Steve’s and they were so close. It was so tempting to lean in closer -to kiss him and savour every moment they could- but he held still.

This had to be done.

“Yes…” he replied and there was another silence.

“Put him on the phone,” Eric finally spoke again and Billy was certain he’d misheard.

“What?”

“I want to talk to him, Billy. Put him on the phone,” Eric repeated, once again using that Doctor voice that, Billy was certain, he was supposed to find sexy. It was so in control; so assertive.

But he wasn’t Steve. He wasn’t Billy’s Twinkie.

“He wants to talk to you,” Billy said, holding the phone towards the other man. Steve stepped back from him and stared at the receiver like it was a weapon of some sort.

“Me?” he asked and Billy nodded.

“Yeah…” he replied, handing over the thing and turning his body so that he could face him.

“Hello? This is Steve…” Steve said quietly, holding the phone like he was half expecting a Remorhaz to suddenly burst out of it. He looked at Billy with an expression that just screamed ‘help’ and then repeated “Hello?” signalling that Eric was probably not speaking again.

Fuck. This was a lot.

Finally, Steve looked up like he was listening, giving a nod before answering with, “Yeah… That’s me…” There was a pause in which Billy couldn’t tell if Eric was speaking or if there was just silence on the other end of the line. Steve was holding the phone with both hands now, his eyes a little wider than usual. “I’m… really sorry about all of this…” he stammered but stopped himself like Eric was talking over him.

“Yeah, he did,” he said after a moment, eyes flashing over to Billy. “Just since yesterday… Kind of surprised him…” he continued and, fuck, it was infuriating to only hear one side of the conversation.

For the first time since moving into this place, Billy suddenly wished he had a second phone outlet. It would be so simple to just pick up the other phone and listen in like Max used to do every now and then when they lived back in California; interrupting his phone calls with Alex or Ingrid with her own thoughts on whatever they were talking about.

“What is he saying?” he asked but was simply met with a finger being pressed to his lips.

“Shh!” Steve hushed him, looking and he tilted his head to the side like he was listening.

He held that position for a long while and Billy could feel the curiosity boiling over inside him. What the fuck was Eric saying? He was a good guy, right? He wouldn’t be warning Steve off, would he? Telling him that he would be better off without him?

Fuck…

“I’m sorry…” Steve finally spoke and, if he didn’t know Eric so well, he’d be worried that the older man was having a go at him. But no; Eric wasn’t like that. And, soft and beautiful as he was, Steve wasn’t the type to take shit from someone. Hell, that side of him had played a significant part in their interactions back before Billy had been pulled into all the Upside Down bullshit.

“You… You felt that way?” Steve asked and Billy cocked his head to one side. Eric felt what? Clearly Billy had been wrong about the whole ‘boyfriend’ thing. What else had he been wrong about?

“Eric… I really am-” Steve tried again but he stopped like he was being cut off again.

And again there was just a lot of talking from Eric’s end of the phone. Whatever he was saying, Steve was listening intently. After a few moments, Steve reached out for Billy’s hand and pulled him a little closer, eyes still on the middle distance like he was actually speaking with Eric face-to-face like they’d planned.

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise, Eric,” he said firmly and Billy felt a pull of dread that, maybe, the two of them _were_ having some kind of argument.

The calmest, most controlled, fucking argument you ever heard but an argument nonetheless.

“Are you two-?” he started but was, once again, cut off.

“Shh! Do you want me to put him back on the phone?” Steve asked, finally looking at Billy properly. There was another pause and then finally he said, “Okay. Bye Eric.”

He held the receiver out and Billy took it, keeping close to Steve like that would somehow reveal what they had been talking about. Steve kept their free hands connected, gently squeezing him in that comforting way again.

“Eric?” Billy spoke as he held the phone to his ear. There was a short sniff on the other line before Eric spoke.

“Just tell me one thing, Billy: Will he make you happy?” the older man asked. Billy looked Steve in the eye and felt that old, familiar glow of warmth and love that only Steve could control.

“Yeah… Yeah, he will,” he replied with a smile at the brunette in front of him.

“Okay…” Eric sighed.

“Thank you, Eric,” Billy said, knowing that it wasn’t enough. Eric was a good man; he was a great man. Through all of Billy’s bullshit, he’d been a rock and a true gentleman. Fuck… he was being so good even now. “I mean it…” he said and really, genuinely hoped that Eric felt it.

“Be happy, okay? That’s all I want for you,” the older man spoke and it sounded sad; it sounded like the end.

“I’m sorry-” Billy tried but Eric cut across him.

“Please don’t, Billy. Let me end this like an adult. I don’t want-” he caught himself, emotion clear in his voice. There was another sniff and Billy knew what he was saying; knew that he didn’t want to cry down the phone.

“Okay,” he said with a small nod.

“Stay happy, okay?” Eric said again. He was too good. “You deserve it.”

“You too, Eric,” Billy replied and it was so fucking true.

“Goodbye…” came the final word. And, with that, Eric was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I don't usually do this but Billy never got to hear what Eric said to Steve.  
> I actually planned it out and I feel like you guys need to hear it. <3  
> Apologies for script [ish] style but that's all I got in me.
> 
> \---
> 
> Steve: Hello? This is Steve…  
> Steve: Hello?  
> Eric: So, you’re the Steve that Billy’s been pining for all these years.  
> Steve: Yeah… That’s me…  
> Eric: I see.  
> Steve: I’m… really sorry about all of this…  
> Eric: I’m guessing from the fact he’s making this call in front of you that he’s told you about me? About us?  
> Steve: Yeah, he did,  
> Eric: How long have you been back?  
> Steve: Just since yesterday… Kind of surprised him…  
> Eric: I bet.  
> Billy: What is he saying?  
> Steve: Shh!  
> Eric: Look, Steve… Billy has been pretty torn up about you. I’ve only known him for a few months but… he’s got this wall up. Between you and his mother and Alex… It’s like he’s protecting himself from ever loving someone like that again. I guess I thought that maybe I would be able to break through to him but... I- I’ve only just started to scratch the surface…  
> Steve: I’m sorry…  
> Eric: I don’t want you to be sorry. I just want him to be okay. If I can’t be the one to help him, I at least want to know that he is okay; that he’s loved the way I wanted to love him.  
> Steve: You… You felt that way?  
> Eric: I wanted to but I knew that I couldn’t let myself. Not until he was ready. God…  
> Steve: Eric… I really am-  
> Eric: Please don’t say you’re sorry again, Steve. I’ll be alright. Billy wasn’t the only one protecting himself in this; I’ll be fine. What I want you to do is promise me that you’ll stick around this time. I don’t know how or why you left -I don’t know why everyone was so convinced you were dead all this time- and I don’t need to know either. You’ve just got to promise me that, if you’re back, you’re back for good. He won’t survive losing you twice. We both know he’s been through enough.  
> Steve: I’m not going anywhere. I promise, Eric,  
> Eric: Good.  
> Billy: Are you two-?  
> Steve: Shh! Do you want me to put him back on the phone?  
> Eric: No… I think… No, please do. I need to do this.  
> Steve: Okay. Bye Eric,  
> Eric: Bye Steve.


	9. silasyrhC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long but... at least it is long? ^_^''

Dial tone still droning from the receiver, Billy stood still for a moment and tried to digest what had just happened.

It was over. Him and Eric; whatever they had been they weren’t that anymore. Under any other circumstance, he knew he’d be sad. Hell, he’d been the one keeping Eric around. The older man had known that Billy was hung up on Steve; that he was _still_ fucking struggling to let him go even after meeting him. There must have been a part of him that held him back; that kept his heart closed off from him. Eric was going to be alright.

They both were.

Looking up into Steve’s eyes, Billy could feel it deep in his core. He and Steve were going to be alright too. Better than alright, if he had anything to say about it. He offered the older man a small smile which was returned with only the slightest look of hesitation.

“Any regrets?” Steve asked, his voice soft and wary like he expected the answer to be yes; as if there was a chance in hell Billy wouldn’t choose him. “Eric sounded like a great guy…”

“He is… But he’s still not you,” Billy replied, bringing his hand up to cup the other man’s cheek again. “He’s not you.”

“I don’t know what that means, Billy. I was never that good even when we were in high school,” Steve half-laughed, stepping away and moving into the kitchen. He reached for the kettle and carried it over to the sink as if they’d decided they were having coffee or something.

“Steve…” Billy started, following close behind to trap him in front of the sink. Not stopping the automatic urge to touch on the other man, Billy slipped his hands up and under the front of his shirt, fingertips following the mysterious patterns and textures up to the bottom of his ribs.

“I wasn’t! I was the idiot who was barely graduating and couldn’t sleep without his boyfriend around because he had nightmares,” Steve continued, setting the kettle down in the sink so that he could emote through his hands. Sensing no resistance, Billy leaned closer to rest his chin on the other man’s shoulder. While he didn’t agree at all with what he was saying, he’d let him get it all off his chest; let his air all his insecurities now so that he could take them apart piece by piece. “You’ve gotta admit,” Steve carried on, turning a little to look at Billy out of the corner of his eye. “I wasn’t much beyond my hair and face and now I don’t even have that going for me!”

Billy bit his lip. He was letting Steve get it all out but, goddamn, it was hard not to fight against _that_. Fucking horrible Frankenstein analogy aside, Billy hadn’t _once_ thought that Steve looked less attractive now that he was back. Yeah, there were scars all over his face but… it was _Steve’s_ face. It was the face of the man that he loved and it was fucking beautiful. Nothing that Steve had hidden under his clothes could be enough to change how fucking gorgeous he was.

Both inside and out.

“And I’m really screwed up now too, you know! Dr Carmen says it’s manageable but… I just _can’t deal_ with blood anymore. Like… at all,” Steve went on, his hands finding Billy’s and holding them even with the thin layer of material between them. “So, you know… if you’re into horror movies, I’m sorry but I just can’t deal. I just turn into this ridiculous, shaking _mess_ …”

“I watched The Fly with Max and the kids earlier this year,” Billy started, internally kicking himself for interrupting. “Didn’t catch the trailer but I figured it’d be fine. Never had problems with horror movies before,” he closed his eyes for a moment. Goddamn, that had been one of the most humiliating things in his life. He could still see the look of frustrated confusion on Mike’s face. “It wasn’t. There was like whole… _transformation_ scene at the end where Jeff Goldblum-” he stopped himself. Even remembering it was a fucker. The memories of the and Steve had been twisted together so tightly in the nightmares he’d had after that. Even now, he couldn’t remember whose jaw fell off or whether Steve’s fingernails were pulled off or not. “I couldn’t deal. Neither could Dustin. Except _he_ had the sense to pretend to use the bathroom and just not come back until it was over. I, like a fucking moron, sat through it all. When the credits rolled, I just started fucking _sobbing_ and all the kids had to wait for me to sort myself out.”

The chick in the movie had watched Goldblum basically be torn apart by his own body. She’d been there, right up close, and had put him out of his misery in the end. Even in fiction, the love interest was able to help the protagonist in that small way. The memory of it was real fucking vivid.

It was a screwed-up end to a screwed-up movie and Billy really wished he hadn’t seen it. In the end, Max and an equally shaken Dustin had ushered Billy out into the men’s room and the other dweebs had walked their asses home.

It was a whole _thing_ that none of them ever brought up again.

“So... I guess what I’m saying is, I’m hardly a horror buff anymore either,” Billy finished, feeling a little shaken by the very memory of that whole stupid affair.

“Billy...” Steve sighed in a tone that sounded like he thought the younger man had missed the point by a mile.

“I’m different too, Steve. I get that the time and all the bullshit has done a number on us both but-" he licked his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the older man’s shoulder. “-I figure I’m still fundamentally _me_. Like, there’s new shit-”

“Like the beard?”

“-Like the beard, yeah,” Billy grinned with a gentle warmth filling his cheeks. As if to illustrate the point, he leaned in and rubbed his cheek against Steve’s, eliciting the smallest chuckle from the older man. “But I’m still me; beard, scars and movie theatre freak-outs aside. And you’re still you, Steve. I know I’ve said this shit already but… I’m still so fucking in love with you. I didn’t stop being in love with you…” he pulled the older man closer, pressing a kiss to where he’d just been nuzzling. “A few scars -be they emotional or physical- aren’t going to put me off. You’re my dream guy,” he whispered against his skin, kissing him again and again with every other word.

“And you’re mine, Billy…” Steve sighed, turning his head as much as he could so as to slot their mouths together. Needing the other man to feel it all, Billy poured _everything_ into the kiss; all the love and longing he’d been feeling over the past few years. Steve had to know he was enough; that there could never be any regrets.

“I love you,” he breathed against Steve’s lips between kisses and he felt the older man’s hands tightening around his own.

“I love you too,” came the reply and it felt so fucking good to hear it again; to hear their promise of always answering being fulfilled once again.

\---

After indulging themselves for a while, Steve finally _did_ make the coffee he’d started on. It was strong and a little too sweet but Billy could hardly make a fuss when the older man teased that it was ‘just like him’. They sat at Joyce’s table and made fucking goo-goo eyes at one another, sipping their sugary drinks and toeing at each other’s feet. It felt so soft and warm, you could be forgiven forgetting that it was October and fucking cold out.

With the coffee finished, Billy showed Steve around the apartment properly, letting him rummage around and peek at every part of it in detail. The look of pride on his face when Billy explained the origin of the side table and the record case was something real special, earning the brunette a surprise kiss on the nose from Billy.

Naturally, Steve circled back round to the objects on the mantle place. He held the match box in his hand for the longest time, a soft smile on his lips, before he asked about the other two from their short-lived group. Billy filled him in on their move to Chicago and their respective college experiences, only repeating a couple of details that they’d already shared with Steve the night before.

“And what about you?” Steve asked, gently laying the match box down where it belonged. “You were easily smart enough to go to college. Why did you stay here?”

Billy gave a small shrug.

“Lots of reasons. No money. No special interest that I wanted to follow. Besides…” he looked at the small pile of polaroid snaps that sat next to the match box. “…I needed to stay close. I… needed Dustin and Max and El… More than they know. Except maybe El…” he continued, feeling a little flush of embarrassment at that fact. Steve hummed lightly, following Billy’s gaze to the photos. He picked them up and slowly sifted through, smiling at the various snaps that Billy had collected over the past two years.

Will, like his brother, was a pretty decent photographer; having gotten a polaroid for Christmas that first year. Not wanting to be beaten, Dustin had also invested in one for his birthday and, between them, the group’s high school antics were pretty well documented.

“You made things right with Max?” Steve asked quietly, somehow selecting and holding up the photo that Billy loved most of him and his sister. It was one of the most recent in the pile with Max rocking her short hair like and a big grin on her face. The group had just been on a normal walk with Billy and Puppy but, all the same, Billy smiled as he remembered it.

Things between them had finally felt normal. They’d laughed and teased one another. With the boys chasing dog out of earshot, Max had asked too many questions about Eric and had looked genuinely happy for him as he gave her the few details he could. They’d all been out in the woods, laughing and messing about like they were goddamn _kids_ for once and it had felt so carefree. Like there hadn’t ever been monsters roaming about; like they hadn’t lost anything at all. It had been a good day.

“Yeah. After you- After I moved out….” Billy sighed and Steve tilted his head to one side. “We talked. I told her about you. I told her about Alex… We- We started to fix it…”

Steve put the photos down and took Billy’s hands in his own. Automatically, Billy leaned in and they kissed gently. Fuck. This was so good.

“I’m glad…” the older man hummed happily.

The topic of Max flowed neatly into that of Billy moving out of the Hargrove house. As they both took up a place on the couch, Billy told Steve all about his stay at the Wheeler’s, about Ted and Neil’s run-in and Hopper’s sudden offer to take him in. Steve seemed a little surprised at just how long Billy had lived in the cabin in the woods but he didn’t say much; too enthralled with the whole story.

When Billy went on to explain about the job at the auto shop and Larry, Steve nodded sagely.

“That explains the two sets of overalls in your closet,” he smiled and Billy nodded.

“Yeah. I try to keep ‘em fresh but oil is a bitch to clean out. Even if you live above a laundromat. Larry let me have three but only because I bitched and moaned at him,” Billy explained.

Every now and then, it hit him all over again how fucking surreal it felt just chatting away with Steve like this. Fucking talking about his work uniform like Steve hadn’t been gone -presumed dead- for the last eight hundred and sixty-four days. Surreal and wonderful. Billy was fast learning to love the mundanities of his life, now that he was able to share them with Steve.

“Didn’t he have a daughter in my year? Harvey or something?” Steve wondered aloud, turning and stretching his long legs out so that his feet rested in Billy’s lap.

“ _Harvey_? You mean Henrietta?” Billy smiled, taking one of the other man’s feet and slowly pressing his thumbs into the sole.

“Yeah,” Steve hummed, head tilting back as he savoured the massage Billy had started without meaning to. All the same, it felt good to make the other man feel good.

“Not really the same thing, sweetheart. Harvey is a dude’s name,” he smiled, pressing hard with his thumbs and pushing up towards his toes.

“Well… Didn’t everyone call her ‘Henry’? I remembered that she had a guy’s name, just not which one it was,” Steve shrugged, the ‘well’ coming out more as a moan than anything else. His eyes closed as he leaned back into the side of the couch.

“Knew her well, did you?” Billy continued, swapping to the other foot, eyes lingering on the way the other man’s chest rose and fell with every breath. Fuck. He was alive and here and Billy was utterly lost all over again.

“Kind of. We were in the same class for about seven years,” Steve answered half-heartedly, seeming lost in his own way under the power of Billy’s thumbs.

Smiling wickedly, Billy pressed a little harder.

“Ever slip it to her?” he asked and Steve’s eyes fluttered open, a look of mild surprise on his brow.

“Not that I remember…” he answered cautiously and Billy’s grin widened.

“She was real cut-up about you dying is all. Came to your funeral and everything. Nancy wasn’t impressed,” he explained, watching that information hit the other man. He looked a little more taken aback. Well, that answered _that_ little question. “I always wondered if there was more to the story than we knew.”

“Well I don’t _think_ we ever hooked up…”

“Good. We get on pretty good when she’s back from college. Would be pretty annoying to have to hate her now,” Billy replied jokingly, thinking back to all the times Larry had sent Henrietta home because her outfit was too revealing. While she might have been really upset about Steve when it happened, it seemed that trying to get Billy into bed was one of her hobbies for whenever she was home.

It all had a light-hearted lady of the house sleeping with the groomsman thing to it. It was all pretty fun and stupid.

“Petty much?” Steve scoffed with a roll of his eyes.

“Only about you, beautiful,” Billy winked back, lifting Steve’s foot to press a kiss to his big toe.

\---

They chatted shit until the sunlight from the windows dimmed away. While Steve closed the curtains and got the lights, Billy grabbed the phone and punched in the number for Dustin’s place. Thankfully, it was quickly picked up by the man of the house, although Billy could hear Claudia playing with Puppy and Tews in the background.

Trying to be as subtle as possible, Billy asked if the younger boy could keep Puppy overnight, promising to pick her up on the way back from Larry’s the next day. This didn’t happen all that much but often enough that Billy knew the Henderson’s had some of her food and a bed for her to sleep on. Not that the little shit used it; always choosing to sleep on the bed of her favourite human in the household (in this case it was Dustin).

“You got a romantic evening planned, huh, Billy?” Dustin smirked down the phone and Billy could hear Claudia excitedly asking about who Billy’s new _girl_ friend was.

“Maybe… I just…” Billy caught himself, looking up at Steve who was already rummaging around in the kitchen for something for their dinner. “I just want to be with him… Just wanna make up for lost time.”

“ _Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it a while_ ,” Dustin said thoughtfully and Billy almost found himself nodding before the line clicked.

“Don’t quote that fucking stupid movie at me, Dustin!” he chuckled.

“Instant classic, my friend. Instant classic,” Dustin countered and Billy could hear the sound of a smile in his voice. While it had been a long time since either of them had been _totally_ shattered like they had been right at the start, it felt good to hear the joy in the younger boy’s voice. This was a dream come true for him too; he’d gotten his friend back. “And _so_ relevant to your life. You should take Steve to watch it!”

“I am _not_ Buttercup and Steve is _not_ a fucking pirate,” Billy countered and _that_ caught Steve’s attention, the older man looking over at Billy in confusion.

“It’s perfect though! You were a dick to Steve at first, _Buttercup_ was a dick to _Westley_ at first…” Dustin continued on and Billy knew he was losing him to one of his nerdy rants. There was little point in trying to dissuade him from his conclusions when he was like this, not unless Billy was feeling either a) particularly annoying, or b) particularly opinionated about the topic.

As he felt neither right now, he chose the other option available to him.

“Thanks for looking after the dog, _ballbag_. I owe you one,” Billy finished, hanging up to Dustin’s splutters of outrage.

“The two of you have the nicest relationship…” Steve smiled ironically and Billy laughed, heading over to help him find something good.

\---

“So…” Steve sighed, leaning back in his chair. They had ended up with a pretty lame meal of pasta and a plain tomato sauce since the limited shit from Billy’s kitchen had been used up the night before. All the same, it filled a hole and neither man groused all that much about it.

Now they had returned to their positions from before: both sitting at Joyce’s table with their feet entwined under the table. It felt all kinds of wonderful that they were already building up some kind of ‘way’ of doing things.

“So…” Billy breathed, copying the tone of the other man to a tee. He tilted his foot up so that it stroked Steve’s. Every touch -no matter how or where they were doing it- was a miracle in itself. Steve was a goddamn miracle.

“We’ve talked about me and my shit, your job, how everyone else is doing…” Steve continued, listing off the vague topic which they’d covered through the day. “We’ve caught up on all the major stuff…”

“Yeah…” Billy agreed unsure of where the brunette was going with this train of thought.

“… I know we need to have some kind of _talk_ -talk. Like, it feels like we _should_ , right? It’s been nearly two and a half years…” he said, sounding like he was having trouble explaining himself. He looked a little defeated, like he knew it didn’t sound right. His feet under the table fell still.

Thing was, Billy knew just what he was saying. It definitely felt like _a talk_ needed to happen but neither of them seemed to know what it was supposed to be about. However, it really felt like they shouldn’t move forward without having this _conversation_.

“I guess…” Billy agreed with a small shrug.

“But… I dunno…” Steve looked up into his eyes and Billy could see a familiar twinkle there. “I just- Before we called Eric… I dunno…”

“It was good…” Billy supplied, knowing that didn’t do it justice. The older man nodded, a smile playing on his lips even as he tried to remain stoic.

“It was. It _really_ was…” he agreed. “But… should we wait?” There was a pause. Billy didn’t know what to say. He’d been trying to be honest with the older man but it felt like a lot. There _was_ the now-spoke pressure to _talk_. Progressing beyond or even repeating their antics from the couch seemed… a little out of reach.

There was a long silence as they both lost themselves in their own thoughts. Thing was, Steve was totally right. Even if they had this ‘talk’, Billy really didn’t know what could be said. It was like… a _talk_ wasn’t what was needed. They needed _time_. Time to understand one another; to see the quirks that they had both glossed over.

They needed to get to know one another again, even if they hadn’t changed all that much fundamentally.

“I don’t want to wait…” Steve finally breathed. Billy looked into his eyes and saw the gleam of lust there. “I don’t, Billy. I want to kiss you and touch you…”

“Yeah?” Billy hummed, letting his right foot trail up Steve’s leg provocatively. It wasn’t exactly a planned movement, just what felt right and natural. Goddamn, if he didn’t totally agree with the other man.

“Yeah. I want-” Steve caught himself like he thought it might be too much. Wanting to pull him through his indecision, Billy reached across the table with both hands and, almost instantly, Steve was leaning forwards to meet him. “-I want _you_ , Billy,” he said firmly, finishing the thought. He managed to hold Billy’s gaze for a couple of seconds before losing his nerve once again and dipping his eyes back downwards. “But-” he sighed.

“You think we need to wait?” Billy tried as he felt Steve’s grip on his hands loosen but not leave completely. He was so torn.

“No. No, I just….” Steve tried and he freed his right hand to run it through his hair. For a brief moment, the small scar in his scalp flashed into view. “…Could _you_ want _me_?” he finished, much quieter than before.

Fuck.

Billy had let him air all of his shit and his insecurities earlier; he’d let him talk about how he ‘didn’t even have’ his looks anymore. He knew he hadn’t addressed it right. Saying that he loved Steve was important but very different from saying that he still thought he was sexy as all hell.

“Steve…” Billy sighed, giving the older man’s hands a gentle squeeze. “You’ve gotta know I still do.”

“You haven’t _seen_ it, Billy,” Steve shook his head. Taking his other hand away, he gestured at his cheeks. “Carmen and the guys worked real hard on my face; did everything they could to make the scars less noticeable,” he started and Billy couldn’t help but trace some of those silvery lines as they ran down from his face to his neck and under his shirt. “You _know_ there’s more. My arms… my chest… Some of them are really bad…” Steve’s arms came to wrap around himself like he was trying to hide; like there was no way that Billy or _anyone_ could accept what he had under his clothes.

“Show me,” Billy said after a short pause.

Steve stared at him, eyes wide with fear.

“They’re… they’re not good, Billy,” he stammered with a small shake of his head. Billy stood up and moved around the table to stand in front of him. “You won’t-”

“Show me,” he said again. “And I’ll show you that _nothing_ can change how beautiful you are to me.”

Steve stood up. He looked at Billy and shook his head, walking back towards the lounge as if this discussion was over. Billy held position and waited as Steve looked back at him with those big, wide eyes of his. In the next breath he was nodding to himself and coming back to stand in front of him once again.

“I-” he tried but shook his head again. There weren’t words. He didn’t have to say anything.

Bottom lip drawn between his teeth, Steve brought his shaking hands up to the buttons of the shirt he’d borrowed from Billy’s closet. Billy watched him fumble with the top one a couple of times before he stepped closer.

“Can I..?” he offered and the older man nodded, still biting down on his lip.

“Yeah- Okay, yeah,” he breathed, still sounding only about ninety percent certain.

Slowly, giving him time to change his mind, Billy brought his hands up to the button which had been resisting Steve so. Eyes looking into Steve’s -even as they, themselves, were cast downwards- he undid the first button and then the next.

Steve stayed silent. He closed his eyes and lowered his hands in a sad sign of resignation; like he was ready for Billy to reject him the moment he could see it all. Not wanting to let those thoughts take root, Billy stopped his hands and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his lips; coaxing him back into the moment.

“I love you, Steve,” he whispered and Steve’s breath shuddered out of him.

“I love you too…” he breathed in reply. “Just-” his eyes opened again and looked so vulnerable and open as they finally met Billy’s. “-Just know it’s okay. If it’s too much. If-” Billy shook his head and cut him off with another kiss. No. He wasn’t letting this be a thing. Steve had to know that he was beautiful; that scars _couldn’t_ destroy that.

“I love you,” he said again firmly and, after a short silence, Steve nodded.

“I love you too… Keep going,” he sighed and Billy nodded.

As his hands took up their task once more, more and more skin was revealed. Eyes flicking down, Billy could already see the damage there. Back in the lab, he’d mainly focused his attentions on what was happening to Steve’s face and arms but, as more marred flesh was revealed, there had clearly been a lot happening to his torso as well.

As the shirt finally opened all the way, Billy could see the scars that his hands had skimmed over the past few times he’d blindly reached up there. Like Steve had said, they were much more pronounced than those on his face; ranging in colour from silvery like his facial scars to a much darker pink that was closer in shade to that of his nipples.

With one last move, Billy push the shirt off Steve’s shoulders and let it fall to the ground, revealing everything. The older man had closed his eyes again but he held still, letting Billy look all he wanted. The tension in all his muscles was so fucking evident but Billy needed to do this; he needed to look and let Steve know he was looking and seeing. He needed Steve to _know_ that he knew what he was talking about when he called him beautiful once again.

And he was beautiful. The scars formed complex patterns and sweeping arcs over his chest and his ribs and all down his arms. But they weren’t ugly by any means. Unthinking, Billy reached out and trailed a fingertip down the path of one of the heaviest scars under his rips, eliciting a shuddering breath from the other man.

They weren’t ugly. They were beautiful. They were a sign that his body had mended; that he hadn’t died back in the lab. They were a sign that, against all the odds, Steve had lived and he’d come back to him. In this way, they were goddamn beautiful.

“Look at me, angel,” Billy instructed, his voice a soft growl. Steve’s eyes remained closed a moment longer until Billy leaned in to kiss him once more. “Look at me,” he said again, quieter now; right against the older man’s lips.

Beautiful brown eyes opened and met Billy’s blue ones. There was a glimmer of wetness to them and Billy knew that he was on the edge; that one wrong step could break him. He needed to hear it; he needed to _know_.

“You’re beautiful Steve,” Billy said firmly, bringing his hand up to cup his cheek. “Every scar, every mark; they all brought you back to me. I love each and every one of them because they tell me how you survived; how you lived and came back and how I can love you again.”

With the next blink, the tears spilled out and onto Steve’s cheeks even as a beautiful smile broke out over his lips. Billy smiled back and wiped the tears away with his thumbs as they both softly chuckled their relief.

“You don’t think I’m-?” Steve started but Billy was pressing in and kissing him over and over.

“You’re beautiful, Steve,” he replied hotly, not letting the negativity continue. “You’re beautiful and you’re here and I want you so much. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Steve breathed and kissed him back, arms wrapping around him greedily.

They kissed and kissed and it was so fucking good. Sometimes _talking_ was needed but other times what was needed was _action_. And, right now, Billy knew that Steve needed this; he needed to see how badly he wanted him. He needed to see that Billy could want him.

Hands roaming over the older man’s beautiful skin, Billy moaned into the kiss. It was already starting to heat up. With a lot more confidence than when they’d tackled his own, Steve’s hands made short work of Billy’s shirt buttons, the offending article being dropped to the floor in the same, unceremonious fashion as his own.

Within minutes, Steve was up on the counter, long legs wrapping greedily around Billy’s waist. With them both being topless, there was so much skin on skin contact. It felt fucking amazing. Through their kisses, he pulled Billy closer still, their crotches _just_ out of line with this new height difference. All the same, Billy ground forwards. The beautiful gasp that the other man let out as he broke away was so worth it. He could feel how fucking _hard_ he was, straining there in his pants, pressed up firmly against Billy’s abs.

“Oh god… Billy…” Steve whimpered, pulling him back in for more messy, open-mouthed kisses.

It was so much more intense than it had been on the couch. It was like all the pent up sexual feelings from the past eight hundred and sixty-four days was catching up on them while, at the same time, like they were simply picking right back up where they’d left off.

Billy groaned filthily as Steve’s blunt nails racked their way down his spine, sinking deep into his ass the moment they made contact. Oh yeah. Steve had always had a thing for his ass. The very memory of how much attention he’d paid it back in his parents overly-expensive lounge was enough to make Billy moan a second time. Goddamn, he had to get a lid on this if he wanted to stand a chance at lasting any decent amount of time.

“God… I want you Billy…” Steve was whining again against his lips, fingers squeezing at his ass with a desperation that Billy couldn’t afford to match right now.

“What do you want, beautiful? Anything… It’s yours…” Billy gasped, tongue snaking out to lap at the other boy’s open lips. God, he tasted so good. It was like Steve was fucking gasoline and every taste just made Billy burn hotter and hotter.

“Fuck me… I want you- God-!” Steve panted and he was grinding his hips back against Billy desperately.

“Anything, beautiful…” Billy breathed, bowing his head lick and suck at the side of the older man’s neck. Steve made a broken, wanton noise as his head fell back, allowing Billy unhindered access. Smiling against the sweet-tasting skin, Billy bared his teeth and just let them _scrape_ the surface, eliciting another high-pitched sound from the brunette. “You want it in here or in the bedroom?” he asked, nipping playfully at the reddening flesh.

“Billy-!” Steve whined, hips moving of their own accord, hands having moved up to cling to his shoulders. The older man was arched back towards the wall cabinets, head and shoulders resting against them for extra support while his hips rocked back and forth on the countertop.

God… he was _rock_ hard. Billy could feel him against his stomach and it was so fucking _big_. How could he have forgotten just how _hung_ the other man was? It was enough to make his mouth water.

“Words, sweetheart…” he smiled, tongue lathing messily against the spot he’d just bitten. “Use your words: bedroom or right here?” Steve hummed out, his whole body vibrating with the sound. It was beautiful and sexy and was doing _terrible_ things to Billy.

Goddamn, he _had_ to last here. He had to give Steve everything he wanted; everything he fucking _deserved_.

“H- Here!” Steve gasped after a few more _dirty_ kisses from Billy. “I need you Billy-! Right here!”

And that was all Billy needed to hear. In a moment, his hands were snaking under Steve’s ass and he was lifting the older man up off the counter. With a yelp of delight, Steve plunged forwards, wrapping his arms tight around Billy’s shoulders as the younger man effortlessly took a step away from the counter, taking all of his weight.

Goddamn, this felt scaldingly hot in itself. It was just a means to get Steve off the counter and turned around but… Billy was getting ideas. Mental images of holding Steve up while he thrusted into the tight, delicious heat that he’d missed for so long…

Fuck… he shook his head, gently setting Steve down just in front of the counter.

“Turn around for me, angel,” he instructed, his voice low and more controlled than he felt. Gasping for air, Steve did as he was told, palms planting themselves on the countertop where his ass had been only moments ago. “Now…” Billy purred, hands stroking their way down Steve’s sides to rest on his hips. “… I’ve been wanting to do this for fucking _years_ …” he continued, running his hands to the front of Steve’s pants to finally undo the last few buttons.

Fingers moved to hook into the briefs beneath, Billy made short work of pulling both articles down at once to reveal that _beautiful_ ass. Steve bucked slightly at the sudden exposure but Billy was already dropping to his knees behind him. Goddamn… Though the scars on the brunette’s sides wrapped around to the small of his back, Billy was glad to see that his ass had been left unmarred by what had happened to him.

“Oh god…” Steve breathed as Billy couldn’t stop himself from kissing and biting at one of those plump, juicy cheeks, squeezing and teasing at the other with one of his hands. “Billy- Fuck-!”

“Lean forward, sweetheart…” Billy spoke against that soft, perfect skin, being sure to scrape his teeth as much as he could. “God… you’re so beautiful…” he continued, unable to _not_ say it. He pressed another kiss where he’d been speaking and gave a gentle suck at that spot, causing another ripple of desire to run through the other man.

This time there were no objections; no assurances to the contrary. Shuddering and breathing heavily, Steve obeyed, resting his forearms against the countertop and widening his stance as much as the pooled clothing around his ankles would allow.

“Billy…” he gasped as Billy increased the suction just that slightest bit that would mean he’d be leaving a mark. _Good_. The idea of _his mark_ on Steve’s glorious ass was all too perfect. As much as Billy belonged to Steve, he wanted Steve to be his too. Moving back, Billy took a second to admire his work. Already purpling, there was a small, oval bruise forming in the centre of Steve’s ass cheek.

Fucking perfection.

“Okay, beautiful…” Billy sighed, looking up at the position the other man had folded himself into. It was strangely beautiful in a totally wrecked, already fucked-out way. Billy’s dick kicked harshly in the overly-tight confines of his pants but no… it wasn’t his time yet. Steve wanted him to fuck him and that was just what he was going to do.

After he’d had his way with the older man’s ass anyway.

Taking a cheek in each hand, Billy gently pulled them apart, adoring the sound that tugged out of the other man. Just like every other part of him, the tight ring of muscle was just as perfect as Billy remembered. He watched a moment as it tensed and relaxed just from being exposed.

“Christ, beautiful…” Billy breathed, leaning closer to lick a single swipe over it. It was short and teasing but, from his blurry memories, Billy knew how intense it would feel. Sure enough, the noise that came from Steve’s lips from the first touch of Billy’s tongue was one of pure pleasure.

It was strange. It felt like it should be gross, Billy thought as he lapped at the older man’s hole again and again. It should be gross, putting his mouth _there_ on another person. But this was Steve. This was his perfect angel and -fuck- if it didn’t feel so goddamn right.

Every part of Steve was so fucking sweet and this was no exception. As he swirled his tongue and let the tip poke its way inside, Billy was in heaven. And, by the sounds of it, so was Steve. The noises he was making were fucking pornographic and going right to Billy’s cock.

Still, this was all about Steve. Gaining confidence, Billy made a note of every hitched breath -of every moan and whine- and what he was doing to cause them. This was all about Steve and he wanted the other man to feel as good as he did in just knowing that he was back with him.

“Billy-! Ah! Fuck!” Steve gasped as Billy finally pushed his tongue all the way inside him.

It was so fucking hot and tight and Billy moaned at the sensation. Back when they were teenagers, Steve had only bottomed that one, penultimate time they were together. This wasn’t a heat that he’d ever had a chance to become familiar with. Smiling to himself as he fucked his tongue in and out of the other man, Billy knew he’d remedy that; that he’d learn Steve’s body and his reactions; that he had the chance and the time to do so.

After a while, Steve was bucking against Billy’s ministrations, moaning and whining like he couldn’t do anything but make those noises. By now, he was pretty loose and wet from Billy’s tongue but the younger man needed to be sure that he was ready for him. He’d said than he wanted Billy to fuck him and that was just what he was going to get.

With one final lick over the other man’s hole, Billy leant back and wiped his spit-soaked mouth and chin with the back of his hand.

“Billy… God…” Steve whimpered from above him. He was leaning flat on the counter, his flushed face pressed against the cool surface. He looked like a fucking wet dream.

“Still want me to fuck you, angel?” Billy asked, his voice a little hoarse and fucked from what he’d been doing. He stood up, leaving his hands behind to simply hold the other man’s ass like he just couldn’t bear to not touch. “If it’s too much-” he started but Steve was pushing himself up from the counter.

“I wan- Billy-” he panted, a wild look on his face even as his arms trembled from the effort of just holding himself up. “ _Need_ you…” he managed and Billy smiled back at him.

“Then you get me, beautiful,” he replied, leaning over the older man to open the wall cabinet above him and pull out the small pot of coconut oil from inside. “Sorry I don’t keep olive oil around,” he started, opening the pot and scooping some of the substance out to rub between his hands. “The smell was… I couldn’t deal I guess…” he admitted, glad when the coconut oil quickly melted to something more useable.

Steve hummed as he leaned back down, ass sticking out into Billy’s crotch as the younger man pushed the cabinet closed again. Shit it felt good.

Billy took his time stretching Steve out. While his tongue had made a good start on the task, there was no way he’d been ready for anything much bigger than it. The coconut oil wasn’t the best but it did add enough slick for Billy to be able to pump his three fingers in and out of the older man by the time he was through with him.

Steve was a mess by the end of it. His cock was full and heavy between his legs and his voice had deteriorated into breathy gasps and whimpers. He was so close and beautiful that Billy knew he wouldn’t last long.

Neither of them would.

Stripping off his jeans and briefs, Billy took another scoop of the oil and warmed it before slicking himself up. Even that was a lot while he was staring down at Steve Harrington in all his naked, open glory in front of him. No. This wasn’t going to take long at all.

“Okay, angel…” Billy breathed, positioning himself behind the brunette with a deep inhale. “You ready?” he asked to which the other man could only flap his arm up uselessly. Smiling, Billy lined his cock up with the quivering ring of muscle and slowly slid inside.

It was like he was complete again. From the moment they were joined, Billy felt whole. Tears stung his eyes as he kept pushing further and further in. Steve moaned beautifully as his body opened up to him, hugging him and pulling him deeper still.

This was where he belonged. This was everything.

When his hips were flush with Steve’s ass, Billy knew his cheeks were damp with tears. It was pathetic but everything was so heightened right now. He held still for a moment, just savouring everything. Steve was so tight and warm and perfect.

As predicted, it didn’t take them long. After the initial, overwhelming flood of emotions, Billy did manage to work himself up to a fast, wonderful rhythm but neither of them had the stamina to last all that long. Within minutes, Steve was practically screaming his release, tightening impossibly around Billy’s length and pulling him over the edge with him.

Somehow, even with his legs shaking like a baby deer, Billy managed not to just drop to the floor. Focused only on Steve, he somehow got the strength to pull the older man into his arms and princess carry him though to the bedroom, laying down beside him on the bed. They shared exhausted kisses there, both too hazy and fucked-out to do much but kiss and breathe and be there.

It was perfect.

“I love you Billy…” Steve managed as he cuddled up close, resting his head on Billy’s chest. Carding his hand through the older man’s hair, Billy already felt himself drifting off.

But no. He would never leave it unsaid. He would always reply. As his eyes closed for sleep, he breathed out the truth that was at the centre of his being

“I love you Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels crazy that, after the next chapter, this will be finished. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and commenting! <3
> 
> I have so many head canons about what happens after the story but none of them really justified dragging it out any further. If anyone ever has any Changes canon questions that aren't addressed in the story -or if you just want to hear me rant and rave about my stupid brain thoughts- feel free to come and pester me on my Tumblr. I am theladytwele [https://theladytwele.tumblr.com/] there. <3


	10. nO gnivoM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this really is it!  
> Like with Irreversible Change, it's a little shorter. More like an epilogue.

\--- **12 th June 1989**\---

The light was soft and warm as it drifted in through the mauve curtains that neither man had thought to close properly the night before. Billy’s eyes cracked open for a brief moment and a smile spread over his face. The gentle rise and fall of Steve’s chest below him was all the indication he needed that he wasn’t alone; that the dark tinge to his already forgotten dream was wrong and Steve was here with him still.

There was a hand stroking through his hair; gentle and perfect as always. Another comforting reminder of who he was with. Billy let his eyes shut once again, bathing in the love and warmth that seemed to have filled the small bedroom.

In the next moment, he heard Steve starting to hum softly to himself. The slow, low sounds were utterly beautiful and Billy instantly knew the tune: _Can’t Take My Eyes off You_. It, along with the rest of Steve’s Mix, had become a source of enjoyment once again now that the older man was back. It felt so good to be able to enjoy things again. It felt like he’d denied himself for so long; that things had _hurt_ him for too long.

Billy lay and listened for a long while. Even now, a year and a half after his return, he felt so fucking lucky to be able to have Steve; to be able to cherish and love him every day. Quiet, calm moments like this were something that he’d grown to fucking adore. He wasn’t about to ‘wake up’ and end it until he had to.

There was a small grunt from the end of the bed and Billy knew that Puppy, unlike the other man, had sensed his waking up. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before she was sneaking up his left behind him and sitting herself next to his head. There was a light chuckle from above him and the hand in his hair stilled for a moment.

“Not yet, Puppy. Let him sleep,” Steve instructed quietly but the little dog stayed put, giving a little insistent grunt of disapproval. Steve sighed happily and Billy felt the hand from his hair being removed altogether, presumably to pet the damned animal behind him. “Do as your told, Pup. Daddy needs his rest. We’ve got a long day ahead of us,” Steve said in a voice that was _definitely_ not firm enough.

It was ridiculous that Steve called him ‘Daddy’ when talking to the dog. The first time he’d done it in front of the kids, they’d all lost their shit. Hell, the first time he’d done it _period_ , Billy himself had lost his shit. To this day, Dustin and Max both _still_ called him it whenever they felt like twisting the knife a little. They were shits but only because they knew they could get away with it.

All of a sudden there was a vaguely-unpleasant sniffing and licking _in_ his hair: Puppy was completely ignoring Steve’s instructions. Unable to _not_ react, Billy winced and squirmed and Steve chuckled fondly above him.

“Ah! You’re right. He _is_ awake!” he smiled and Billy got up onto his elbow to look at the older man.

He looked like an angel. A messy one -wild, bedhead jutting out at all angles- but an angel nonetheless. Since his return, Steve had kept his hair shorter but it never wanted for volume; still able to create insane shapes at times like these. Billy looked into his soft, smiling eyes and felt his breath catch in his throat. Goddamn, he was so beautiful.

“Good morning,” Steve smiled, leaning up to brush their noses together for a moment.

“Morning, beautiful,” Billy replied.

“You ready for today?” Steve asked and Billy nodded.

This had been a long time coming. The past year and a half had been building up to it, of course, but it had been longer than that. This shit was the stuff of their teenage dreams. It was insane that it was happening.

“When was checkout again?” Billy hummed, lying back down despite all that today held for them. Accepting it all too easily, Steve simply put his arm around his shoulder and squeezed.

“Half past ten. Got just over an hour,” he replied after a moment’s pause. This was the third of three motels they’d been staying in over the past few days. It was pretty much the same for all of them.

“Plenty of time,” Billy smiled, turning his cheek just enough that he could press a gentle kiss to the older man’s pec. There was a small hum of appreciation but Billy knew that he’d shown his hand too early when Puppy had ‘woken him up’.

“I _do_ wanna shower, baby. The idea of stopping here was that we could be fresh for when we arrived, right?” Steve explained, hand gently stroking small circles on Billy’s shoulder even as he tried to explain why the _shouldn’t_ be staying in bed.

“Just ten more minutes,” Billy smiled, knowing he was being a shit even as Steve huffed.

“ _Five_ ,” he capitulated and Billy gave him another light kiss.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he smiled and snuggled closer.

As they lay there, he brought his left hand up to reach over his shoulder and take hold of Steve’s. the older man hummed happily again and, from that sound alone, Billy instantly knew where his eyes were; what detail would have caught his attention.

“I love you,” the brunette whispered happily, giving Billy’s hand a small squeeze and Billy squeezed him right back.

“I love you too,” he replied, shifting his grip so that he was pretty much just holding the older man’s ring finger. His thumb caressed its way up and down said digit, knowing exactly what was there: the tattoo.

On June 8th 1988, the third anniversary of Steve’s ‘death’, they had both gotten the same tattoo drawn on their ring fingers. They’d had to go a couple towns over from Hawkins to find a parlour with a punky chick willing to do a couple of queers back to back but it had been worth it. Hell, she’d even said she thought it was fucking ‘sweet’ as she made the finishing touches to Billy’s.

DCCCXLIV - _eight hundred and sixty-four_ \- a reminder to never take what they had together for granted; to love each other as much as they could while they had the chance.

It also served as a not-so-subtle stand-in for an engagement ring. With shit being the way it was, Billy knew better than to hope that he could ever _legally_ marry Steve. But… between friends? Around the people they knew and loved? Hell yeah. He already had some pretty lame grand plans for a ‘wedding’ at some point down the line, even if it meant jack-shit to the government and lawyers and people like that.

“Billy…” Steve sighed and Billy knew that their time was up. Today was too bright a day for him to push his luck; he wanted it to be as good and calm for Steve as it was for him. Being any more of a shit was not on the menu.

“Okay. You hop in the shower and I’ll sneak Puppy out for a piss,” Billy yawned and sat up as Puppy leapt off the bed in preparation. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Billy stretched up to the ceiling as another yawn overtook him.

“I hate that she knows what you mean by ‘piss’,” Steve said, his snark being swallowed up by a yawn of his own. “Most dogs know the word ‘toilet’ or ‘good girl’ or something…”

“What do you know about ‘most dogs’?” Billy laughed as he stood up and reached down for the jeans that he’d been far too wiped-out _not_ to leave crumpled on the floor. “‘Piss’ is fine. Simple and to the point,” he continued, tugging them on without bothering with underwear. There was no way he was going to sift through the gym bag full of shit again after yesterday morning when it had all refused to go back in for a good twenty minutes.

“Whatever. Don’t let anyone see you!” Steve instructed as he made his way into the connecting bathroom.

\---

Reno was a lot quieter than Steve had feared as they drove through. One hand on the wheel while the other rested on Steve’s thigh, Billy smirked at how right he’d been about picking a motel _before_ the city given how late they’d come to a stop the previous night. Glancing in the older man’s direction, he almost made a comment about it but the look of serenity on his face was too perfect to break with being an asshole.

Yeah, he was still growing. Even now, he sometimes felt the pull of being an asshole.

It was a bright day, made brighter by the happy anticipation that both men were feeling. With Steve’s hands firmly keeping her from flying out, Puppy leaned out of the window and let the air whoosh past her ears, a ridiculously joyous look on her snubby, little face. Glancing at her reflection in the passenger side wing mirror, Billy grinned. She looked just like a brown version of that ‘dragon’ thing from that shitty, old movie he and Steve had tried to watch way back before everything had properly happened between them.

Eric Stewart was crooning away at them on a low volume as the Camaro carried them out of Reno and onto the I-80. In preparation for the journey, they’d both made couple of mix tapes between them and even Jonathan had contributed one as well. The past couple of days they’d laughed and bickered over the choices, never quite settling on a sound that matched the both of them. That was until today. Today they had both been in agreement that the _original_ Steve’s Mix was the right choice; the right choice for last three and a half hour stretch.

Billy exhaled contentedly, nodding along with the gentle rhythm of 10cc’s fadeout. Once upon a time, he’d many an hour crying over these tracks; missing Steve with every lyric, with every key change. Now there was distance. Now he had Steve back with him. Lame and cheesy though they were, this shit was the soundtrack to their romance.

It really was the only thing they _could_ play today.

They were finally doing it. They were finally making the move out west; to California. To San Francisco. After scrimping and saving almost from the moment Steve had come back, they had finally managed to find a little place that was theirs. Buying it sight unseen was risky but it was the risk that they had to take, given the distance. Today they were picking up the keys and getting a feel for the place and then Hopper and El would bring their shit over in a U-Haul that weekend. Gave them the chance to just _be_ for a while before having to actually set up.

Billy’s grin stayed firmly on his face. It had been hard work, saving up all this time. While he’d stayed on at Larry’s, he’d also picked up any odd job that he could around town. Quite often, he ended up doing repairs and shit for the laundrette below his and Steve’s place. It had been tiring and shitty but they’d made it work.

With Flo reducing her hours -but stubbornly _not_ retiring- Hopper had been all too happy to take Steve on at the station. _That_ had been real fucking tough. The first time Steve went to work, Larry had had to send Billy home when he’d spent the entire morning being a complete and utter asshole to just about everyone who came near him. When the brunette had come home that night, Billy had actually fucking cried and the older man had had to hold him for a good fucking hour before he’d been able to pull himself together. It was fucking pathetic but it was just the thought of Steve not being with him or not being safely in the apartment. Steve had been so fucking understanding but, even now, Billy was still fucking embarrassed by it.

It had taken him all too fucking long to get over that. Hopper and Larry both adapted pretty well to the mid-day phone calls that the two younger men _had_ to have just to get Billy through the day. Larry would roll his eyes but nod when Billy asked to use the phone and Hopper would simply cough in the background when it had been too long.

Billy thought back to Larry. The old bastard had been so good to him over the past four odd years he’d been working for him. He’d never asked about the change to Billy’s behaviour after the return of Hawkins’ own Steve Harrington; never commented on the fact that it was definitely Steve that Billy was calling every day without fail; never asked about the times he’d overheard Billy whispering his goodbyes into the receiver. There was no way he _couldn’t_ know about them. All the same, the old boy carried on as normal right up until the end. At the end of his last shift, he’d stood up -which was a growing rarity these days- and pulled Billy into a big bear hug, wishing him all the best in California. Despite Billy’s protestations, he’d _forced_ an envelope into his hands and sent him on his way. That night, Billy and Steve had opened it up to find $300 and a letter of recommendation that was so positive and lovely that _both_ of them had shed a tear.

Billy was determined to buy a _real comfy_ lounge chair with that money. He figured it was pretty fitting.

\---

Frankly, they made awesome time. As they drove down the street that Billy knew would be their home, Steve practically joined Puppy in leaning out the window.

“We’re here aren’t we?” the older man asked, looking back inside the car as Billy rounded the penultimate corner. “This is it, right?”

Billy simply smiled, glancing down at his lap to double check the written instructions that self-preservation had stopped him from letting Steve hold onto. Their place should be the last on the next street; the smallest one for miles around.

As they pulled up out front, both Steve and Puppy practically flew out of the Camaro. While Steve raced over to press his face against the large window that, from Billy’s memory of the floorplan the realtor had faxed over, looked into the lounge, Puppy simply christened the small patch of grass out front with an extra long piss.

Clicking the engine off, Billy simply sat and stared at the house. The gutters were full of crap and the screen door was hanging off it’s hinges. There was a pretty gnarly looking sheet just to the left of where Steve was standing and Billy didn’t even want to know what was under it and one of the upstairs windows was broken and boarded up. None of this shit had been mentioned in their, or Hopper’s, _many_ calls with the realtor. She had conveniently left out the fact that, even at a short glance, there were definitely tiles missing from the roof and that the frontage was _not_ secured with a fence as the picture from the ad had suggested.

Basically, the house was a piece of shit.

But it was _theirs_.

The air smelled of the sea and the sky was clear and blue. The house may have been a piece of shit but it was here in San Francisco and it was _theirs_. With a lick of paint, a turn of a screw and lot more fixing up, it would be fucking perfect.

It was _theirs_.

“Billy! Come look!” Steve called, turning round with the brightest smile on his beautiful face. Powerless and hopelessly in love, Billy climbed out of the Camaro and walked up to the house; past the ‘Sold’ sign out front.

Taking his position next to Steve, he peered inside as the older man started pointing out all the shit that they’d seen in the pictures.

“We can put the table there,” Steve started, finger jabbing against the window. “And maybe even pick up a couple more chairs, you know? For when we have guests!”

“Yeah?” Billy hummed, eyes drifting over to Steve rather than the interior of the house.

“Yeah! And we could put your record player in the corner over there! You know, music with dinner and stuff!” Steve continued animatedly. “Oh god! When was Susie meeting us?” he continued, turning to look at Billy with wide-eyed excitement.

Billy looked down at the watch that Hopper had gotten him for Christmas. He’d never worn one before, always being a little to vain to have one ruin his _look,_ but this one was just a simple, thick black leather strap.

“We’ve got an hour yet, angel. Told you we could have stopped for lunch,” he answered and Steve’s shoulders slumped.

“I wanna go in now!” he whined, his bottom lip sticking out in a truly pathetic-looking pout.

Billy laughed and took his hands in his own. He knew just what he wanted to do; it worked out pretty nicely that they’d arrived so early. 

“Come with me,” he smiled and, without waiting for an answer, he turned and led Steve back out to the sidewalk.

With puppy at their heels, they walked the route that Billy had planned and memorised from the hours of looking at their new place on the map in the past month or so. As they went, Billy clocked the corners and side streets that he was expecting, the smile on his face never leaving.

Sound joined the smell of the ocean in the air and Billy felt Steve’s hand tighten as they finally reached the beach. As predicted, it only took twenty minutes to get there and Billy felt his heart soar as he watch Puppy scamper over the sand towards the curling waves.

They were here.

“Billy…” Steve breathed and Billy stopped to look at him. There was a gentle glisten of emotion in his eyes and he was looking back at him with so much love.

“We’re here, beautiful,” Billy breathed and Steve nodded happily.

“We’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed this series.  
> Like I've said before, I do have a plan for my next project but I'm not going to be posting for a while.  
> Thanks again!! <3<3<3<3<3


End file.
